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Tag Archives: Stress Management

No. 56: The Kind-Hearted Self-Therapist

August 4, 2011 3:14 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice using a self-interview technique to give myself support and get clear on what is happening for me each day. The self-interview technique involves inventing my own ideal supporter or self-therapist and then taking on the role myself by asking myself a series of gentle questions and answering them. I can do this in my head or on a piece of paper. A lot of people find it easier on paper to begin with. In preparation for practicing the technique, I will write a short list of questions down on a small piece of paper that I can easily keep handy to jog my memory. This is important because I will probably find it hard to think of useful questions to ask myself when I am in the middle of feeling stressed or distressed. Also in preparation, I will invent a whole character around this self-therapist based on the ideal form of support I would like to receive when I am distressed – then when I do the activity, it might be easier to practice talking to myself in this loving, compassionate way, especially if it is something I don’ t do very often. I will then practice using my kind-hearted self-interview about my daily experience every day. Once I am comfortable interviewing myself about my daily experiences in a compassionate way like this, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of dealing with stress and distress. When I notice that I am feeling stressed or distressed, I will pause and use the self-interview to give myself a moment to become aware of what is driving my response and what could balance it out in a supportive, compassionate way. Some good questions to ask myself might be:\r

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  1. What is in my mixed-bag of feelings right now?

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  2. What thoughts have been running through my head?

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  3. What is happening around me right now?

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  4. What are the other possible interpretations of these events?

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  5. What evidence do I have for these alternative interpretations?

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  6. What interpretations take all of the evidence into account?

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\r This exercise will allow me to practice stepping out of the moment to access a more objective state of mind that fits with my way of seeing things. When human beings are distressed our attention naturally narrows down to focus only on the things that are distressing so we can react to them – this exercise will allow me to return to a more expansive viewpoint that is able to take in all of the elements of the situation around me before I react. Often this will change the way I feel about the situation and bring the intensity of my responses down. It takes time to get familiar with techniques like this one – if we are used to being our biggest self-critic, we might find ourselves engaging in self-judgement at various times, which can sometimes make these thought-based activities distressing. I will pay special attention to giving myself encouraging self-talk and compassion during the activity, respecting the way I react to and cope with things. In this way, I will take the role of kind-hearted, self-therapist. I could give myself my ideal form of support, regardless of what kinds of support I am actually being given from the people around me.

Posted in: Expression & Support, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , ,

No. 53: Regular Reflection-Points

July 14, 2011 6:17 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will spend some time reflecting on where I am and where I want to be. This week will be a period of planning what I want to work on next. As I move through my week, my distress responses and feelings of dissatisfaction will become useful indicators that give me clues on what I would like to be different in my life. I will remind myself that I am a work in progress and the messy areas are simply the bits I haven’t gotten to yet. We’ve now been posting weekly strategies for a year. Today’s post marks the beginning of the next round of strategies. This week, I will keep a notebook on me at all times. Whenever I notice something that I would like to be better at or find easier or respond differently to, I will write it down. At the end of each day I will spend a bit of time reading over my notes for that day. I will spend some time writing down what skills and strengths I will need to develop in order to transform these things for myself. At the end of the week, I will look back over my reflections and select the easiest, simplest one to work on first. In the coming weeks, I will focus on practicing techniques that will help me to develop this skill. I will add ‘A Reflect Point’ to my Personal Coping Kete and return to it from time to time to review where I am at and where I want to go.
Posted in: Engagement, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , , ,

No. 51: Building a Body that is Prepared to Cope

June 30, 2011 5:10 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… I will build my resilience to stress and distress by making sure that I am meeting my physical needs. I will regularly go through the following mental check-list of physical needs I may need to address in the moment. There are a range of physical states that can trigger or exacerbate negative emotions and stress responses. The Mental Check-List\r

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  1. Am I thirsty right now? If yes, I will go and sip a glass of water.

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  2. Am I hungry right now? If yes, I will go and eat something.

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  3. Am I tired right now? If yes, I will get some rest or do something physical to energise myself.

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  4. Are my muscles tense or aching right now? If yes, I will move around or do some stretches.

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\r If I am unable to take steps to address an area of need, I will have compassion and understanding for the way that this need will be affecting my emotions, until I am able to take care of it. I will let the people around me know that I am being affected by it so they can understand why I might be a bit short-fused or on edge. Once my physical needs are addressed, I will be ready to deal with the challenges of the situation and engage in any other self-soothing or help-seeking as needed. When I am comfortable with running through the mental check-list and meeting my physical needs, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for lifting my mood in times of stress and distress.

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No. 49: Little Beauties

June 16, 2011 10:46 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will train my attention to take in the pleasant elements of the world around me. In a small notebook, each night I will write a list of five beautiful things I saw that day. If I do this exercise regularly, I can train myself to automatically notice the good things around me. This would help to balance my mood out all of the time. When I am used to noticing beautiful things, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of distracting myself from unwanted thoughts during moments of distress. If I change what I am focusing my attention on, I can change the way I am feeling. If I am feeling sad or low, I will take my notebook and write an extra list in the current moment, just by looking around me right now. When things start to feel pressed, stressed or distressed, I will read my lists of beautiful things and remember or visualise them.
Posted in: Mindful Distraction ⋅ Tagged: , ,

No. 48: Count On Mindful Distraction

June 9, 2011 11:31 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… "" I will use mindful distraction to allow emotions to pass. I will practice turning my attention outside of myself by counting the number of colours around me, then the number of shapes around me and then the number of textures around me. As I go, I will tune into the sensations I experience as I notice different shapes, colours and textures. This is a simple exercise, it may not seem like it could do much. But this is a powerful way of letting go of current distress so that something else can flow in. Once I am used to shifting my attention to the basics of my surroundings, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for pulling myself out of intense moments when I need to reduce the intensity.
Posted in: Mindful Distraction, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , ,

No. 47: Creating Mini Celebrations

June 2, 2011 5:47 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… "" I will create space to celebrate my achievements and practice being aware of my strengths, by setting small goals and acknowledging when I reach them. I will make a list of all of the little things I need to do each day during the week. I will put this list somewhere I can see it and plan the items into my schedule. At the end of each day, I will tick or cross off the things that I did and congratulate myself for the achievement. I will talk about some of the achievements with other people. Even the smallest of activities like eating meals, going for a walk or sometimes even getting out of bed, take skills and awareness that deserve acknowledgement, even if that is a simple silent acknowledgement to myself. By building my awareness of the positive things I do each day I will build my sense of being able to handle whatever comes my way. When I feel anxious or stressed, I will be able to recall these times of small mastery. This week I will create this daily opportunity to appreciate the things I do. I will not use the list an excuse to berate myself for any of the things that I did not do. Once I am comfortable with the practice of creating the opportunity for mini-celebrations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to make sure I am doing during times of stress and distress.
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No. 46: Tuning Into Your Self-Supporter

May 26, 2011 12:17 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… "" This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… I will congratulate or praise myself for each thing that goes even a tiny bit well. We are so often so quick to let our self-critic remind us of everything we’ve fallen down on or that has gone wrong and we can lose sight of what our strengths and contributions really are. This week I will let my self-supporter reign free. I will acknowledge the good things I do and am a part of. For example, if someone smiles at me, I’ll be all “look at me making that person smile!” in my head. In this way, throughout my day I will acknowledge my value and my strengths, and also increase the enjoyment associated with each positive. This week is simple – I am going to notice, name and value my strengths, positive contributions and moments of capability, the big ones and the really small, everyday ones, like making someone smile. Once I am comfortable noticing my strengths, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a self-soothing strategy for times of distress. When I find myself feeling anxious or stressed, I will recall these moments of praise and acknowledgement that I have given myself to balance out my inner critic.
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No. 45: Voicing my inner experiences

May 19, 2011 3:38 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain, or regain my sense of wellbeing… "" …I will talk about my stresses. This week, the rule is that when I am experiencing any feelings of stress, I will name them, every time, even if they are only slight. This does not mean always going into detail or expecting help or even for the stress to get less as a result. It means that whatever it is that I am dealing with, I am not dealing with it alone; the people around me know what I’m up to. It also involves practicing accepting the way I feel without judging myself for it and gets me into the habit of expressing myself. And who knows, the people around me might relate. Once I am used to talking about my stress, I will add the strategy to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting my mood when things are distressing.
Posted in: Expression & Support ⋅ Tagged: , ,

No. 44: Making New Automatic Thoughts

May 11, 2011 11:15 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will begin practicing how to replace unwanted automatic thoughts with balanced alternatives that better serve me in the moment. First, I will spend a couple of days noticing which automatic thoughts seem to pop into my head repeatedly. At the end of each day I will write down the most repetitive automatic thoughts I had that day. If I already know which automatic thoughts are most repetitive, I can skip this first step. Once I know which thoughts I want to change, I will prepare alternative statements that I can use to counter those unwanted automatic thoughts when they pop into my head. Whenever I hear myself thinking one of the unwanted automatic thoughts, I will say the balancing thought to myself, either in my head or out loud if I want to. The more I am able to practice saying the new balancing thought to myself, the more automatic it will become. Over time, I will be able to teach myself a new more balanced way of responding in the moment. In the moment, a balanced way of thinking will soothe my sense of distress, provided I am able to believe the balancing statement I give myself. For example, a really common repetitive automatic thought is “I can’t do this.” This is a thought that can pop into a head in almost any difficult situation and increase how distressing it is. A possible balancing statement is – ‘This could be tricky, I just need to put one foot in front of the other.’ Each time I hear myself think ‘I can’t do this’ I will say my prepared balancing statement to myself instead. It is really important to make the balancing statements ones that I can believe and agree with. Otherwise the exercise seems contrived and unnatural – it is likely to feel weird anyway, because the balancing thoughts are new ones. It is very common for people to make balancing statements that are more about what they think they should think, rather than what they really could believe to be true. Note: As balancing statements are generally new, they do feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable to practice, even if you have selected one that you believe in 100%. It will be important to persevere through this feeling of unfamiliarity before the balancing thought will start to feel comfortable to hold for yourself. Alternatively, feeling uncomfortable saying the statement may be an indication that it is not something you really can believe yet and perhaps the statement needs to be changed a bit. Once I have become comfortable doing this activity of noticing my thoughts and countering them with balanced statements I believe, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to try during moments of stress and distress when I want to connect with a different way of thinking about things.
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No. 42: Daily Free-Flow

April 28, 2011 11:39 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will keep a daily journal of thoughts, feelings and impressions from the day. This will allow me to ‘sort out’ my thoughts, become aware of what is going on for me and process the things I need to adapt to. I will need a dedicated notebook to write in and somewhere safe to keep it. I might need to schedule this in each day in order to get in the habit of doing it and it might take a while to get used to writing. It doesn’t matter what I write or how I write it, the point is to get in the habit of connecting non-judgmentally with my own inner states and learn ways of expressing them. Part of accessing support is being able to express our need, and this will be a good way of working on that. At the same time, writing each day can help to calm racing thoughts and sort out any sense of confusion. If I am ever finding it difficult to write anything down, I will write down ‘the story of my day’ and finish it off by saying how I feel about that. If I have any further thoughts I can then write those down, in that way start to bring my thoughts and feelings to the surface. If doing this exercise leads me to think on things that upset or distress me, I will practice self-soothing and mindfulness exercises to comfort myself back to the present, current moment, in which I am safe. I will experiment with different ways of writing about my day until I find a way that allows me to sort out my thoughts without intensifying the distressing aspects of them. Once I am used to expressing myself in a daily journal, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of expressing my thoughts privately during times of stress and distress.
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