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Tag Archives: Stress Management

No. 80: Observing Myself as Part of Nature

January 19, 2012 8:43 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…I will practice mindful distraction by going outside and observing myself as part of nature. This week, the first thing I will do once I have woken up in the morning and gotten dressed, is to take a moment to go outside where I can see at least some aspect of the natural world. For the next few minutes I will let whatever concerns I might have for the coming day fade into the distance where I can catch them up later if I still need to. I will focus my awareness on the way the clouds and air move, the way the plant-life grows, the way water flows or settles – everything falling into its shape. As I make myself aware of these elements of nature, I will notice myself standing or sitting there, as part of this environment. Here I am, connected to the world. Doing this regularly, when I am not distressed, will help me make strong associations with the strategy so it is easier to do it when I need it. It’ s also just a pretty nice way to start the day. In preparation for when I need to distract myself from unnecessary distress, once a day, I will…\r

“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence….You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” [From The Desiderata, Max Ehrmann, 1927]

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Once I am comfortable doing this task as part of a regular day, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for mindfully distracting myself from distressing emotions and unwanted thoughts.

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No. 78: The Power of a Pause

January 5, 2012 2:02 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of well-being… Coping Kete…I will practice pausing as a first response to intense emotion. While this may not seem like it will change much, it is a vital step in my journey to being able to change the way I respond to my feelings. Each time I notice a shift in my emotion, I will pause myself by using self-talk to describe to myself what I am feeling in this moment. For example, when I notice I am feeling stressed out, I will pause and say to myself “I am feeling stressed out right now. It’ s time to pause.” I will take a couple of deep breaths and then carry on as I see fit. This week I am creating moments for myself between feeling and reacting. I can react however I wish, this week the focus is on creating the pause and giving myself encouragement to keep doing so. Each time I pause myself, I will congratulate myself for being able to take the pause. Even if all I do is say ‘ pause time’ in my head. It is not easy to pause oneself in the course of such an automatic reaction as an emotional response and it is important to acknowledge the achievement each time. This way I will reinforce the practice of pausing before responding to the way I feel and turn it into a habit. Later, I will be able to follow this strategy with other techniques that allow me to change the way I am feeling after the pause. This week though, I am going to practice the pause, which is like a platform for launching other strategies from. If this is difficult to begin with, I will practice on mild emotional experiences or I will practice pausing during times when I am not particularly feeling anything at all. Taking a week or so to do this can help us build up. Once I am comfortable with pausing and describing the situation and how I feel about it to myself, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for engaging with the current moment to deal with distress.
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No. 73: Using Opposites

December 1, 2011 1:51 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…I will practice coping by looking at the situation from the opposite viewpoint. Reversing my perspective in this way can take me down different and new trains of thought that could lead me to feel differently about things. When I notice slight shifts in my mood, I will pause myself to reflect on what I am thinking in the moment. Then I will ask myself “What if the opposite were true?” For example, if I notice I start feeling slightly hopeless or pessimistic, I will try to look at the situation from the opposite hopeful perspective. Instead of thinking “this is hopeless” I will ask myself “what if it was actually hopeful?“ How would I see the situation then? This week is about challenging the assumptions that underlie my thoughts and feelings. This week I open up to the possibility of other ways of experiencing my reality. Once I am comfortable doing this with slight shifts in mood, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping with distress.
Posted in: Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , ,

No. 70: Being Specific

November 10, 2011 10:45 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice keeping my self-talk specific to help moderate my responses to things. Often I find my internal dialogue includes words like ‘ always’ , ‘ everything’ and ‘ never’ that generalise what I am experiencing in the moment out to all situations. This amplifies the emotions I experience as a result and makes things seem more significant than they really are. This week, I will practice observing my self-talk during the day and using the most specific language I can find. So when I catch myself thinking things like ‘ I always screw things up’ or ‘ they never notice me’ , I will turn it around in my head to be more like ‘ I made a mistake just then’ or ‘ they didn’ t notice me just then’ . Rather than then allow myself to go down the path of remembering other times this has happened or might happen, I will focus my mind onto other specific things about this current situation. This might involve simply listing to myself the specific elements in play in the moment – from the temperature, to the environment, to the people around me, to my own reactions to these things – or it might involve listing the ways in which this situation is different from past similar situations. As my mind wanders onto other thoughts, I will remind myself that I can only know what is here now and bring my mind back to the task of observing and describing my current situation to myself. Here I am in this moment, which I can only ever experience once. Once I am comfortable with noticing my self-talk and using specific language, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for soothing distressing or intense emotions.
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No. 65: Soothing the Personal Sting

October 6, 2011 4:46 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice taking the sting out of interpersonal situations by viewing other people’ s actions and reactions as being about them and not me. It is a natural human response to consider how we are received by those around us. Often though, we can personalise things that really have nothing to do with us. For example if someone frowns while we are speaking, we might assume they are displeased with us. But they could be concentrating or have a personal relationship to something we said. This week I will give people space to be responding to their own set of wants, needs, attitudes and challenges. Thinking about alternative, less personal ways of interpreting things can really help to reduce our sense of distress or hurt. So this week when I notice shifts in mood, I am going to scan my thoughts and see whether I have been taking something personally. Whenever I catch myself taking something on board as being about me, I will make a quick list of other things that could be responsible as well. It can often help to jot these things down in a notepad or on a scrap of paper – when we are really distressed it can otherwise be quite hard to concentrate on alternative explanations. This exercise could help with dealing with past situations that continue to distress me as memories as well. Once I have become comfortable identifying personalised thoughts and taking out the personal sting in everyday situations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of thinking myself through stress and distress.
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No. 64: Me Time

September 29, 2011 11:36 am ⋅ 
This week to attain, maintain, or regain my sense of wellbeing... 

I will give myself two moments of 'me time' every day - once in the morning (perhaps the first 15 minutes I am awake) and once in the evening (maybe the last 15 minutes before going to bed). During these times I will find a way of taking some time to myself to do something centering or that connects me with myself. This might involve using the time to just quietly sip a cuppa and read a magazine or write in my journal or take a slow shower or go for a peaceful walk or doodle on a notepad or whatever it is that I find gives me a break from the demands of the day and allows me to simply 'be' for a moment.

As needed, I will use this as valuable time for sorting through my thoughts or goals or whatever else might be cluttering up my mind at the moment. Giving myself regular moments to myself will allow me mental space in each day to process what I need to process. I might even use this dedicated to time to try other coping strategies I have been wanting to learn. The point is that I take 15 minutes, two times a day to do whatever I want, just for me: I am worth it. 

If I'm out of practice of giving myself 'me time' it can take a while to get into the habit. I'll be sure to be understanding of myself if I find it hard to put this strategy into action. It is often helpful to plan in advance what I will do each day, rather than expecting myself to spontaneously think of something when the time comes.

Modern life can become very busy, this week I will set myself up to cope with stress by giving myself these two regular breathers that are just for me. This is about practicing the art of valuing myself.

Once I've figured out the art of spending time valuing myself, I will add 'Me Time' to my Personal Coping Kete. In times of stress and distress, I will try a bit of me time to shift my mood.
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No. 62: Easing the burden

September 15, 2011 11:08 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… ""I will remember the words of Ingrid Bacci, ‎”Inner growth is a slow and incremental process that accomplishes extraordinary results through what often look like minute daily changes” As I move through my daily life, this week, I will recall this quote and remind myself that all that is required are “minute changes” – and minute changes or minute actions are usually pretty manageable. I will observe how thinking about things in this way affects me. There’ s real wisdom in the old saying that the longest journey, begins with the smallest step. I will take comfort in my smallest steps. In each moment of distress, I will ask myself, what’ s the smallest step I could take to shift my experience right now? What’ s smaller than that? When I’ ve got to the minutest change, I’ ll think about giving that a go. The act of thinking through this exercise is a minute change in itself, whether it leads to anything else or not. When I manage to do it, I will be sure to acknowledge the achievement to myself. Once I am used to lowering my expectations for myself in everyday situations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete for times of heightened stress of distress. When I feel impatient or frustrated with myself about something or feel overwhelmed by a situation, I will remember that growth and survival comes from minute actions. I will think of minute actions I can take in the moment and remember how they have affected me recently.
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No. 61: Changing the Scene

September 8, 2011 11:42 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… ""I will practice getting a change of scene to shift my mood, even just for a moment. Sometimes we need to get out of where we are to be able to shift our thinking and feeling. This week, when I notice slight drops in my mood or energy level, I will get a change of scene by moving my attention to a different aspect of my current environment or by physically moving myself somewhere new. It could be as simple as going for a walk down a nearby street I’ ve never walked down. Or spending a moment looking closely at a plant I’ ve never studied closely. Giving myself a range of different experiences throughout the week will help me to connect with more positive emotion. I will search out opportunities to give myself these out-of-the-moment experiences, taking the time I need to make considered responses where I am able to find and savour insights rather than act only out of feeling. I will observe how I am affected by these changes of scene. Once I am comfortable changing the scene, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting my mood in times of stress and distress.
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No. 59: Building a Positive Memory Bank

August 25, 2011 4:52 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will use self-talk to congratulate and praise myself for each small positive thing that happens or each thing that I do well. That means that this week I will notice the little moments of strength, skill, safety and resilience. I will consciously acknowledge these moments to myself, by describing them in my head and giving myself some kind of ‘ well done’ or ‘ good one’ and actually let myself feel good about it. I will make sure that I smile each time. Once I am used to acknowledging my strengths and successes in everyday moments, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing negative automatic thoughts during times of stress and distress. Whenever I notice myself feeling stressed, pressed or distressed, I will recall these moments of self-praise to give myself some supportive evidence that I can get through this moment and work to notice the good things I am doing in this moment right now. I will bring myself back to the concept that ‘ this too shall pass‘ by building memories of myself getting through and recalling them when I need to. This starts by building my awareness of the small moments when things go well, rather than only counting the big events as meaningful.
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No. 57: That Was Then & This Is Now

August 11, 2011 8:22 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete….when I notice my mind wandering over the past, I will practice bringing myself back to the present by regularly pausing to describe each of the elements of my environment in the present moment. I will use the standard breathing exercise to send my body calming messages, while I look around my current environment and observe what is happening around me right now. Once I am familiar with recalling myself to the present moment in everyday situations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of distracting myself from distressing memories and recollections. When my mind wanders back onto the memories, I will give myself compassion for the distress that the event originally caused and then move my awareness back to the current moment, in which I am safe. For example, I could say to myself “it’ s natural to be remembering that now. That was then, and this is now, right now I am in a room at the computer….[describe the room] … and I am safe.” I will be kind to myself with my self-talk when these remembrances occur. Especially, I will give myself the kindness of bringing myself back to the present when I need it.
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