Tag Archives: Stress Management

No. 142: The No Sandwich

August 25, 2013 2:40 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…

…I will practice being assertive by using ‘ the no sandwich’ in my daily life when I find myself wanting to say ‘ No’ to something I have been asked. The No Sandwich involves saying ‘ No’ as the middle part of a three-statement sandwich: Empathy Statement + No I Can’t + Empathy Statement. Saying no this way tells the person, I understand what you need and it does matter to me, even though I cannot do what is being asked, I feel for your situation and our relationship is important to me. This is a useful way of saying no without offending people. This week, I will practice the No Sandwich in the times I would ordinarily say no to something day-to-day and non-emotional, like if I am offered a food or beverage I don’ t want at the time or asked to go out when I am not free. I will use these unemotional situations to practice the technique.

The No Sandwich Goes Like This…

A positive or empathy statement about what has been asked or why it has been asked. E.G. “That sounds like it could be fun” or “I can totally relate to being so busy you can’ t get it all done yourself, it is so stressful, I’ m kind of in the same boat.”
I’ m sorry, no I can’ t… E.G. “I’ m sorry, no I can’ t go out tonight.” or “I’ m sorry, no I can’ t pick up that extra work at the moment.”
A second positive or empathy statement. E.G “I hope you enjoy yourself though.” or “I hope you are able to find some way to ease the pressure soon.”

Practicing the No Sandwich on day-to-day things might help me get my own needs met more, manage my time and deal with the demands of saying ‘ no’ without having to worry about causing anyone offense. If someone does not accept my No Sandwich, I will offer them another one.

Part of saying no, involves knowing what we do and do not want and accepting those wants and needs as valid. We all have different levels of awareness of our own needs, so part of this week might also involve noticing my own needs and how I respond to them, such as whether I usually tend to put them aside to please others or not. I might start the week by making a list of things I know I need this week, like time to sleep, prepare and eat food, do my work or study tasks, house-work and family time, friends time and alone-time, so I know where my boundaries are on the day-to-day stuff from the start.

When I am comfortable using the No Sandwich to say ‘ no’ in ordinary day-to-day situations, I will add The No Sandwich to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of expressing myself during times of stress and distress, when others may be crossing my personal boundaries or asking more of me than I am comfortable giving. When I am distressed, I will be able to use the No Sandwich to say ‘ no’ to the things that don’ t help me in a positive way.

Posted in: Expression & Support ⋅ Tagged: Communication and Boundaries, coping skills, Stress Management

No. 140: Observe the Facts of the Moment

July 21, 2013 12:12 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete

… once a day, I will practice distracting myself from unhelpful thoughts by mindfully interrupting myself in the middle of an ordinary daily task and spending a few seconds observing and describing the current moment to myself without using any emotional words. While I am observing and describing the current moment to myself I will practice belly breathing to help me relax. Once I have observed and described each element of my current moment to myself, I will go back to my task. I could use an alarm to help me remember to interrupt myself each day. I will pass my mind over the space I am in, the people present, what they are doing, what the air feels and smells like, the weather, the sounds around me, the scene out the window, the position of my body in the room, the sensations within my body – all of the physical facts of the moment. If I notice my mind making judgements about anything I observe, I will watch the judgement pass by me like a train and turn my mind back to describing the moment around me. Everything but these observable facts is my perception. I can choose which perceptions to attach myself to and which perceptions to let pass me by. I will remember this as I move back into my task. Once I am comfortable with interrupting an ordinary experience to mindfully connect with the physical moment, I will add the strategy to my Personal Coping Kete as a way to interrupt distressing thoughts and get some space from my emotions. When I notice I am getting distressed, I will give myself permission to let go of my worry for a little while and turn my attention to my breath and the physical facts of the moment around me. I will keep observing and describing the physical facts of the situation until I have calmed down and am able to think a bit more clearly about how to cope. As distressing thoughts come into my mind I will observe them as they pass by, without chasing after them and turn my mind back to noticing the physical facts of the situation and continue with my breathing until I am feeling calmer.

Posted in: Mindful Distraction ⋅ Tagged: breathing exercises, Coping, self-care, Stress Management, time-out

No. 139: Replace “I Can’ t” with “I Don’ t”

July 11, 2013 3:20 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…\r

…I will practice using my word-choices to help me work towards my goals. Often, when we want to make changes, there is something we want to stop doing and other things we want to do more of. This week, I will practice choosing words that focus on my control and power to decide. Research has shown that often when we start telling ourselves ‘ I can’ t do xyz thing’ we tend to want to do that very thing even more. Only one out of ten people who tried to cut back on chocolate by telling themselves “I can’ t eat chocolate” actually managed to stop eating chocolate. On the other hand, the same study showed that eight out of ten people who told themselves “I don’ t eat chocolate” managed to reach their goal. Telling ourselves that we can’ t do things tends to leave us feeling restricted and wanting to rebel against ourselves, telling ourselves that we don’ t do things tends to leave us feeling like we control what we choose to do. So this week, I am going to practice noticing myself thinking “I can’ t do that now” or “I am not allowed…” and I am going to mindfully replace the word ‘ can’ t’ with ‘ don’ t’ … “I don’ t do that now”. As I move through the week, I’ ll try to notice how this affects me, when the strategy is useful and what I do with the strategy to make it work for me. There might be times when I really can’ t do something, like fly down to the bus stop, but I might be surprised at just how often the things I think are limits are really choices and preferences that I have. Once I am comfortable with replacing my can’ ts with don’ ts on a day-to-day kind of basis, I will add the strategy to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of engaging with my goals to stop things that are no longer helpful to me. I will be able to pick up on any unnecessarily limiting thoughts I am having about my goals as things “I can’ t do” and use my self-talk to transform the can’ ts into don’ ts. If there is something I want to change, like to stop drinking alcohol or taking drugs, I will be able to take control of my language to help soothe the pressure from the situation and make myself feel more in charge of what I am doing. I might make a list of the things I feel like I can’ t do anymore, and then re-write each item using the words I don’ t, and keep the list with me for times when I’ m feeling tempted.

Posted in: Engagement, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: creative expression, humor, private expression, social connection, Stress Management

No. 138: Visualising My Intentions

June 29, 2013 3:15 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…

…I will practice telling the difference between my expectations and my good intentions and get in the habit of letting my intentions guide me instead of my fears. While my expectations are useful, they can get in my way at times, but my good intentions bring me back to what it is important to me, back to my values. This week, I will take a moment every morning to practice slow, belly breathing while I focus my attention on visualising my positive intentions for the day. Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will lie back and do a few minutes of belly breathing. As I breathe slowly down into my belly and let each breath float back out, I will think about my good intentions for the day by saying to myself “today I would like to ….” and then picturing it happening in my mind. If my self-critic or inner future-predictor interferes and I start thinking about barriers to my good intentions or reasons why it won’ t work out, I will notice the thoughts then come back to my breath and my intentions for the day. After a few minutes, I will open my eyes if I had them closed and move on into my day, carrying my values and positive intentions with me. In this way, I will get used to setting aside my expectations to get a clear sense of what I value and what I want to happen, so I can carry these things throughout my day and come back to them when I find myself in a tough moment. I’ ll also get to start my day off with a bit of calm breathing which might help set me up for a more relaxed day too. Once I am comfortable with spending a few moments breathing and connecting with my values and wishes rather than my fears and expectations, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for self-soothing during times of stress and upset.When I notice I am distressed, I will be able to take a moment to breathe, come back to my own values and intentions as a way of soothing my unhelpful thoughts and problem-solving how I will deal with the situation I am facing.

Posted in: Engagement, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: breathing exercises, creative expression, distraction, gratitude, humor, perspective, self-care, social connection, Stress Management

No. 135: Reward Myself for Surviving

May 15, 2013 4:11 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…

… I will practice scheduling reward points into the end of every day to inject enjoyable moments into my daily life, appreciate myself, and really take notice of my capacity to get through. During my scheduled reward points, I will be able to practice being aware of what I deal with each day and responding by rewarding my efforts, whatever they may be, whether I struggled or succeeded. To get started, I will write a list of things that I find enjoyable and can use as rewards. The list could include things like going to a movie or having a treat food or doing a hobby activity or lying around listening to music, relaxing or catching up with someone you enjoy or having a massage or anything at all. Rewards can be big or they can be small, but they shouldn’t be harmful. So having a binge-drinking session or taking drugs wouldn’t be the right kind of reward to use. Once I have my list of rewards, I’ll schedule time to give myself one reward at the end of every day for the next week. At the scheduled time each afternoon/evening, I will take a quiet moment to reflect on what I have survived that day. When I think of difficult moments in the day, I will observe the thought and say to myself “and that was hard so I can reward myself for getting through.” When I think of positive moments of the day, I will observe the thought and say to myself “and that was good, so I can reward myself for having a part in it.” Once I have reflected for 2 or 3 minutes, I will go ahead and give myself the reward I had planned. When I am comfortable with engaging in rewarding behaviour on a usual week, I will add ‘ Plan Little Rewards’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy to use during times of distress. When I notice I am upset, I can reflect on what I have been surviving, make myself aware of how much I have to reward myself for by saying the reflection statements and then planning some rewarding activities for the coming week.

Posted in: Engagement ⋅ Tagged: creative expression, emotional regulation, humor, physical activity, positive thinking, social connection, Stress Management

No. 133: Play Time

April 25, 2013 10:16 am ⋅ admin

This week to attain, maintain, or regain my sense of wellbeing...

...make a commitment to play everyday. It's true that all work and no play makes for a pretty dull time - it also means that we don't get a chance to properly wind down after something stressful. Life can't be all serious, sometimes we need a bit of silly. This week, spend some time everyday playing. You might spend five minutes seeing if you can still do knuckle-bones or an hour with a friend and a board-game or twenty minutes outside with a basketball or half an hour in the park on the swings. You might need to do a bit of prioritising and planning to make sure it actually happens. If you find it hard to think of something to play, make a list of things that you did to entertain yourself as a child and work your way through each of them. It could be tricky to fit a play in everyday, but you can do it if you have lots of different kinds of play, some that you can do in the space of five minutes and fit in at a busy time. Try to have times of play with another person, and other times it can be solitary play. The key is that there is a time of light-heartedness in your day. This week, no matter how you feel each day, make sure you get at least five minutes of play. Try to notice what things make you laugh or lift your mood even just for a moment and what things don't make any difference, so you can repeat the things that work for you.

Once you are comfortable with playing everyday, add 'Play Time' and a list of the things that worked for you to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for times of stress and distress. When you notice yourself having a low mood or starting to get stressed on a regular basis, engage with some play to inject some balance in your life and shift your mood for a little while. Playing won't change the bad things in your life, but it will give you a break from them so they don't dominate, and insert some lighthearted variation into your daily life that might make it easier to cope with and recover from the tough stuff. When things are stressful, we all need a bit of time to recover, and you can use play as a way to recover your energy levels when things are hard.

Posted in: Engagement, Mindful Distraction ⋅ Tagged: Enjoyment, Stress Management, Valued Action

No. 132: Affirming Breaths

April 19, 2013 11:42 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete

…I will spend a moment every morning taking some calm, slow breaths while I repeat a couple of positive self-affirmations in my head. For just two minutes, I will sit still, with my eyes closed, as I breathe deep into my belly and gently repeat my affirmations in my mind. As I notice my mind drifting away from my affirmations into doubtful, critical or negative chains of thought, I will bring myself back to my slow breathing and once more begin repeating my affirmation to myself. After a couple of minutes I will open my eyes and carry on with my day. Before I try this, I will need to prepare some statements that I might find validating, hopeful, strengthening or soothing in some way. A positive self-affirmation is just a statement about something positive that I think is true about myself or my place in the world. It is important that it is something I can believe to be true. What is a useful, comforting affirmation for one person, might not be any help to another person. So this exercise involves doing some exploration of what fits for me. Some people use inspiring quotes they have read somewhere, others use simple self-statements like “I am okay, whatever happens, I can survive it.” Others like to acknowledge their values and intentions. Others like to remember things like “I am connected to the wider universe and the ancestors that came before me.” Really, an affirmation can be anything at all. Over the week, I will pay attention to the kinds of statements that I find useful and figure out what kinds of self-affirming statements work for me. This week, each morning, I will have a chance to get used to hearing myself being kind and encouraging to myself. Once I am comfortable with doing a breathing exercise while I think some self-encouraging statements, I will add the Breathing Affirmations to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping during times of stress and distress. When I notice myself feeling upset or troubled in some way, I will take a moment to breathe and feed my mind some soothing, strengthening thoughts.

Posted in: Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: breathing exercises, Coping, positive thinking, Self-Talk, Stress Management

No. 129: Gratitude Diary

March 17, 2013 2:11 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete

…I will practice bringing positives to my own attention by keeping a daily Gratitude Diary. Each evening before bed, I will write down three things I am grateful for that day. If I’ ve been feeling down for a long time, it might be hard to recognise the things I am grateful for, so I will start small. As I move through each day, I will let myself pause to appreciate things as they unfold, to help make it easier to notice them later when it comes time to write my daily entry. This week, no matter what has happened that day, I will find room for three things I am grateful for. It is okay to have good times in the middle of bad times – this week, I will practice doing that. As the week goes by, I could experiment with remembering the things in my Gratitude Diary during the day and see if I notice a lift in my moods. Keeping a Gratitude Diary will make me engage with the things I am grateful to have experienced. So over the week, I will gather a collection of positive memories of my week. If I notice it helps keep my moods more balanced, I could keep doing this for as long as I want. Once I have practiced keeping a Gratitude Diary for a while, I will add ‘ Gratitude Diary’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy to try when I am distressed by unwanted thoughts and moods. Sometimes we need to let the things that give us hope and inspiration in. And that can be really difficult to do when we are down, especially if we aren’ t used to doing this kind of thing on purpose. When I am ready, I will practice using my Gratitude Diary to self-soothe during times of stress and upset.

Posted in: Engagement, Mindful Distraction, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: Directing Attention, mindfulness practice, Stress Management, Writing Exercises

No. 126: Be the Super Hero in My Own Story

February 14, 2013 5:02 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my own sense of wellbeing…

… I will practice being the super hero in my own life. So often we can find ourselves being the villain in our own stories, bullying ourselves with negative self-talk, sabotaging our own goals, holding ourselves back from new and exciting things, treating ourselves badly and keeping ourselves in situations that are ultimately harmful. This week, instead of being my own bad-guy, I will be my own good-guy. So this week, as I move through each day, I will practice making my decisions and talking myself through with the intention of being the hero in my own daily life. This means, that I will encourage myself when I need encouraging, I will allow myself to dream big, I will throw myself the life-line of hope and help myself to reach out for it, I will rally my support troops around me when I need a whole crew of super heroes to get through a particular struggle. When I need rescuing from a bad day, I will give myself some kindness. When I feel vulnerable, I will visualise myself reacting from a place of strength. Whenever I find myself at a cross-roads moment, I will ask myself, what would the hero in my story do right now? In this way, throughout my week, I will use the idea of being a super hero for myself to practice real, genuine self-care and building a sense of inner strength. Once I am familiar with imagining I am my own super hero to self-soothe and meet my needs, I will add ‘ Be the Super Hero in My Own Story’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy to try during times of stress and distress. If I find myself feeling overwhelmed, I will approach the situation as the hero of my own experience, giving myself just what I need to get through safely.

Posted in: Engagement, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: coping skills, creative expression, distraction, gratitude, humor, Meditation, positive thinking, social connection, Stress Management

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Tag Archives: Stress Management

No. 142: The No Sandwich

No. 140: Observe the Facts of the Moment

No. 133: Play Time

No. 132: Affirming Breaths

No. 129: Gratitude Diary

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