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Tag Archives: Social Connection

No. 61: Changing the Scene

September 8, 2011 11:42 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… ""I will practice getting a change of scene to shift my mood, even just for a moment. Sometimes we need to get out of where we are to be able to shift our thinking and feeling. This week, when I notice slight drops in my mood or energy level, I will get a change of scene by moving my attention to a different aspect of my current environment or by physically moving myself somewhere new. It could be as simple as going for a walk down a nearby street I’ ve never walked down. Or spending a moment looking closely at a plant I’ ve never studied closely. Giving myself a range of different experiences throughout the week will help me to connect with more positive emotion. I will search out opportunities to give myself these out-of-the-moment experiences, taking the time I need to make considered responses where I am able to find and savour insights rather than act only out of feeling. I will observe how I am affected by these changes of scene. Once I am comfortable changing the scene, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting my mood in times of stress and distress.
Posted in: Mindful Distraction ⋅ Tagged: , , , ,

No. 59: Building a Positive Memory Bank

August 25, 2011 4:52 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will use self-talk to congratulate and praise myself for each small positive thing that happens or each thing that I do well. That means that this week I will notice the little moments of strength, skill, safety and resilience. I will consciously acknowledge these moments to myself, by describing them in my head and giving myself some kind of ‘ well done’ or ‘ good one’ and actually let myself feel good about it. I will make sure that I smile each time. Once I am used to acknowledging my strengths and successes in everyday moments, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing negative automatic thoughts during times of stress and distress. Whenever I notice myself feeling stressed, pressed or distressed, I will recall these moments of self-praise to give myself some supportive evidence that I can get through this moment and work to notice the good things I am doing in this moment right now. I will bring myself back to the concept that ‘ this too shall pass‘ by building memories of myself getting through and recalling them when I need to. This starts by building my awareness of the small moments when things go well, rather than only counting the big events as meaningful.
Posted in: Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , ,

No. 58: Coming Back to Centre

August 18, 2011 8:26 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will be mindful of the calm, light centre I take within me everywhere I go. No matter what life layers on top of me, that centre is unchangeable. I will be aware that though my moods and thoughts and situation change, I can always return to this light place within. It is there, even when I can’ t see or feel it. Even if I am feeling really low or dark, the light place within me remains. I can touch it whenever I want to. When I notice slight shifts in my mood and frame of mind, I will remind myself that I carry this place within me. In my mind’ s eye I will visualise this calm centre inside me and I will see myself moving towards it, while I practice the standard breathing exercise. In this way, I will practice reminding myself of my own intrinsic, unchangeable worth and capacity to experience something different in a range of different situations. Once I am comfortable noticing slight shifts in my mood and coming back to centre, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of self-soothing in the midst of distressing situations.
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No. 57: That Was Then & This Is Now

August 11, 2011 8:22 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete….when I notice my mind wandering over the past, I will practice bringing myself back to the present by regularly pausing to describe each of the elements of my environment in the present moment. I will use the standard breathing exercise to send my body calming messages, while I look around my current environment and observe what is happening around me right now. Once I am familiar with recalling myself to the present moment in everyday situations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of distracting myself from distressing memories and recollections. When my mind wanders back onto the memories, I will give myself compassion for the distress that the event originally caused and then move my awareness back to the current moment, in which I am safe. For example, I could say to myself “it’ s natural to be remembering that now. That was then, and this is now, right now I am in a room at the computer….[describe the room] … and I am safe.” I will be kind to myself with my self-talk when these remembrances occur. Especially, I will give myself the kindness of bringing myself back to the present when I need it.
Posted in: Mindful Distraction, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , ,

No. 56: The Kind-Hearted Self-Therapist

August 4, 2011 3:14 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice using a self-interview technique to give myself support and get clear on what is happening for me each day. The self-interview technique involves inventing my own ideal supporter or self-therapist and then taking on the role myself by asking myself a series of gentle questions and answering them. I can do this in my head or on a piece of paper. A lot of people find it easier on paper to begin with. In preparation for practicing the technique, I will write a short list of questions down on a small piece of paper that I can easily keep handy to jog my memory. This is important because I will probably find it hard to think of useful questions to ask myself when I am in the middle of feeling stressed or distressed. Also in preparation, I will invent a whole character around this self-therapist based on the ideal form of support I would like to receive when I am distressed – then when I do the activity, it might be easier to practice talking to myself in this loving, compassionate way, especially if it is something I don’ t do very often. I will then practice using my kind-hearted self-interview about my daily experience every day. Once I am comfortable interviewing myself about my daily experiences in a compassionate way like this, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of dealing with stress and distress. When I notice that I am feeling stressed or distressed, I will pause and use the self-interview to give myself a moment to become aware of what is driving my response and what could balance it out in a supportive, compassionate way. Some good questions to ask myself might be:\r

    \r

  1. What is in my mixed-bag of feelings right now?

    2. \r

  2. What thoughts have been running through my head?

    3. \r

  3. What is happening around me right now?

    4. \r

  4. What are the other possible interpretations of these events?

    5. \r

  5. What evidence do I have for these alternative interpretations?

    6. \r

  6. What interpretations take all of the evidence into account?

    7. \r

\r This exercise will allow me to practice stepping out of the moment to access a more objective state of mind that fits with my way of seeing things. When human beings are distressed our attention naturally narrows down to focus only on the things that are distressing so we can react to them – this exercise will allow me to return to a more expansive viewpoint that is able to take in all of the elements of the situation around me before I react. Often this will change the way I feel about the situation and bring the intensity of my responses down. It takes time to get familiar with techniques like this one – if we are used to being our biggest self-critic, we might find ourselves engaging in self-judgement at various times, which can sometimes make these thought-based activities distressing. I will pay special attention to giving myself encouraging self-talk and compassion during the activity, respecting the way I react to and cope with things. In this way, I will take the role of kind-hearted, self-therapist. I could give myself my ideal form of support, regardless of what kinds of support I am actually being given from the people around me.

Posted in: Expression & Support, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , ,

No. 49: Little Beauties

June 16, 2011 10:46 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will train my attention to take in the pleasant elements of the world around me. In a small notebook, each night I will write a list of five beautiful things I saw that day. If I do this exercise regularly, I can train myself to automatically notice the good things around me. This would help to balance my mood out all of the time. When I am used to noticing beautiful things, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of distracting myself from unwanted thoughts during moments of distress. If I change what I am focusing my attention on, I can change the way I am feeling. If I am feeling sad or low, I will take my notebook and write an extra list in the current moment, just by looking around me right now. When things start to feel pressed, stressed or distressed, I will read my lists of beautiful things and remember or visualise them.
Posted in: Mindful Distraction ⋅ Tagged: , ,

No. 47: Creating Mini Celebrations

June 2, 2011 5:47 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… "" I will create space to celebrate my achievements and practice being aware of my strengths, by setting small goals and acknowledging when I reach them. I will make a list of all of the little things I need to do each day during the week. I will put this list somewhere I can see it and plan the items into my schedule. At the end of each day, I will tick or cross off the things that I did and congratulate myself for the achievement. I will talk about some of the achievements with other people. Even the smallest of activities like eating meals, going for a walk or sometimes even getting out of bed, take skills and awareness that deserve acknowledgement, even if that is a simple silent acknowledgement to myself. By building my awareness of the positive things I do each day I will build my sense of being able to handle whatever comes my way. When I feel anxious or stressed, I will be able to recall these times of small mastery. This week I will create this daily opportunity to appreciate the things I do. I will not use the list an excuse to berate myself for any of the things that I did not do. Once I am comfortable with the practice of creating the opportunity for mini-celebrations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to make sure I am doing during times of stress and distress.
Posted in: Engagement, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , , ,

No. 46: Tuning Into Your Self-Supporter

May 26, 2011 12:17 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… "" This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… I will congratulate or praise myself for each thing that goes even a tiny bit well. We are so often so quick to let our self-critic remind us of everything we’ve fallen down on or that has gone wrong and we can lose sight of what our strengths and contributions really are. This week I will let my self-supporter reign free. I will acknowledge the good things I do and am a part of. For example, if someone smiles at me, I’ll be all “look at me making that person smile!” in my head. In this way, throughout my day I will acknowledge my value and my strengths, and also increase the enjoyment associated with each positive. This week is simple – I am going to notice, name and value my strengths, positive contributions and moments of capability, the big ones and the really small, everyday ones, like making someone smile. Once I am comfortable noticing my strengths, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a self-soothing strategy for times of distress. When I find myself feeling anxious or stressed, I will recall these moments of praise and acknowledgement that I have given myself to balance out my inner critic.
Posted in: Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , ,

No. 44: Making New Automatic Thoughts

May 11, 2011 11:15 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will begin practicing how to replace unwanted automatic thoughts with balanced alternatives that better serve me in the moment. First, I will spend a couple of days noticing which automatic thoughts seem to pop into my head repeatedly. At the end of each day I will write down the most repetitive automatic thoughts I had that day. If I already know which automatic thoughts are most repetitive, I can skip this first step. Once I know which thoughts I want to change, I will prepare alternative statements that I can use to counter those unwanted automatic thoughts when they pop into my head. Whenever I hear myself thinking one of the unwanted automatic thoughts, I will say the balancing thought to myself, either in my head or out loud if I want to. The more I am able to practice saying the new balancing thought to myself, the more automatic it will become. Over time, I will be able to teach myself a new more balanced way of responding in the moment. In the moment, a balanced way of thinking will soothe my sense of distress, provided I am able to believe the balancing statement I give myself. For example, a really common repetitive automatic thought is “I can’t do this.” This is a thought that can pop into a head in almost any difficult situation and increase how distressing it is. A possible balancing statement is – ‘This could be tricky, I just need to put one foot in front of the other.’ Each time I hear myself think ‘I can’t do this’ I will say my prepared balancing statement to myself instead. It is really important to make the balancing statements ones that I can believe and agree with. Otherwise the exercise seems contrived and unnatural – it is likely to feel weird anyway, because the balancing thoughts are new ones. It is very common for people to make balancing statements that are more about what they think they should think, rather than what they really could believe to be true. Note: As balancing statements are generally new, they do feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable to practice, even if you have selected one that you believe in 100%. It will be important to persevere through this feeling of unfamiliarity before the balancing thought will start to feel comfortable to hold for yourself. Alternatively, feeling uncomfortable saying the statement may be an indication that it is not something you really can believe yet and perhaps the statement needs to be changed a bit. Once I have become comfortable doing this activity of noticing my thoughts and countering them with balanced statements I believe, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to try during moments of stress and distress when I want to connect with a different way of thinking about things.
Posted in: Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , ,

No 39: Tuning into Grey-Scale Thinking

March 30, 2011 10:08 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will practice choosing to see all the shades of grey in each situation, rather than focusing on the black and white. This week I give up on absolutes. I will catch thoughts that contain words like ‘always’ or ‘never’ or ‘should’ or ‘have to’ and replace them with words like ‘sometimes’, ‘could’ or ‘might’. I will consider alternative ways of viewing things and leave room for the possibility that one of the more positive perspectives could be true. I will allow the good to exist side-by-side with the bad, without letting one cancel the other out. Once I am comfortable thinking about everyday situations in greyscale terms, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing intense emotional responses to unwanted situations.
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