Engage Aotearoa

Tag Archives: Social Connection

No. 125: Connect with Being Part of a Community

February 1, 2013 11:58 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… ""…I will practice connecting with the community around me. This week, as I move through each day, I will practice belonging to my community and letting my community belonging to me. We so often live right next to each other for years, without ever stopping to say ‘ hey how is it going?’ to each other and the world can become a lonely, anonymous place at times. This week, I will say hello to the shop-keepers and checkout operators and stop to pass the time of day. I will introduce myself to my neighbours if I don’ t know them and pause to chat when I see them. I will take part in any free, public events and projects like music in parks, open mic nights, art exhibitions or tree planting working bees. I will walk around my community and appreciate the spaces around me. I will take the time to ask people about themselves and what they do, whenever I have a chance so I can learn about the people around me. All the while I will remind myself that I am part of a wider community and the wider community is part of me. When I am bored or at a loose end, I will do something to connect with being part of that community. This week I practice getting to know my community and letting my community get to know me. After engaging with my community for a while, I will be well prepared to self-soothe and distract myself from negative thoughts and feelings when the going gets tough. The experience of connection will be like ammo when I find myself feeling disconnected or lonely. Connecting with my community may help me practice expressing myself to others and build a wider support network of people I could turn to in a rough spot. When I am familiar with doing things that connect me to my community, I will add ‘ Connect with Being Part of a Community’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting my mood during times of stress and distress. If I am feeling down, I will be able to turn to one of my familiar community connection strategies to distract myself. Doing things that connect me with my community might also help to self-soothe some things too, especially if I’ ve been feeling isolated. When I notice my self-talk seems lonely, I will remind myself of my previous experiences of being connected to self-soothe and I will try to put some of my previous activities into action.
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No. 122: Use the Positivity Ratio

December 15, 2012 11:54 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…I am going to practice using the Positivity Ratio to help shift my thoughts and feelings. Researchers in the field of Positive Psychology have found that it takes three positive thoughts to shift a negative thought. This week, I am going to practice consciously having positive thoughts, so that when I find my thoughts going dark, I will be able to use my skills to improve the moment. As I go through each day, I will try to pause whenever I remember to and list three positive things I have recently noticed. I will work to list the smallest things I can, as well as noticing bigger things. This will help me get really used to noticing the elements of things that might bring me some joy. This week, I am going to learn how to notice the things that might give me joy. I will let them exist alongside anything that I find unpleasant or distressing. As I list my three positive things, I will focus my awareness on each thing and make myself really mindful of all of the good things about it and what it is that makes it positive to me. I will try to do this at least two or three times every day this week, regardless of how I feel. It might help to schedule in to do it in the morning and at night so I remember to practice – remembering to practice can be really hard. When I am familiar with purposefully thinking of three small positives, I will add ‘ Use the Positivity Ratio’ to my Personal Coping Kete. When I notice myself having pessimistic thoughts or feeling really bad, I will use the positivity ratio to make myself mindfully aware of three good things, however small they may be. I will let those three good things, exist side-by-side with whatever else I am experiencing so that the hard things do not stop me from noticing the good things.
Posted in: Mindful Distraction, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , ,

No. 120: Reserve Judgement

November 24, 2012 6:54 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…I will practice reserving judgement about what the future might bring. Each day, when I find myself moving into a new task or situation, I will take a couple of seconds to say to myself “Lets just see what happens, whatever happens, I’ ll handle it. For now I reserve judgement.” Then I will move on to the next part of my day with an open mind. When I am comfortable saying this to myself in ordinary, everyday situations and moving forward with an open mind, I will add this strategy to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of improving my mood during times of stress and distress. When I find myself stressed or distressed about what I think might happen in the future, I will take a moment to reserve judgement and trust myself to handle whatever comes my way. This might help me balance out my fears and worries, when they seem overwhelming.
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No. 111: Make Someone a Card

August 31, 2012 5:09 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain, or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…I will practice turning my attention to something positive by taking time in my week to make a card for someone I am grateful to for something and deliver or post it to them. I will schedule a time later in the week to make the card, so I have plenty of time to get organised. For the next little while, I will think over the people and things that I am grateful for until I think of a person I want to acknowledge and make a card for. It could be for something big, something small, something recent, or something from a long time ago. It doesn’ t really matter, but if this kind of thing makes me nervous, I could pick something small, like a recent favour from a friend. Once I have thought of someone, I will start getting ready to get creative. I will want to find some card or paper to make it out of and design my own image for the front – I could draw something or cut pictures out of magazines or print something off a computer – but I won’ t buy the card, this week’ s strategy is also about using my creativity. Finally, I will write a short thank-you message on the inside, letting them know I appreciate what they have added to my life. I might need to spend a little while drafting what I want to say on some scrap paper. No matter what is happening in my day this week, I will find time each day to think about or work on making my card to someone I am thankful for. It is much harder to do these things when we feel low, so I might do it in little bursts, bringing my attention mindfully back to the card and where I am up to with it, whenever I am able. This week, I am practicing the art of emphasising the good stuff. It’ s not a skill that comes naturally to all of us, and modern life isn’ t set up to help us remember to notice and highlight the things we are grateful for. Making a thank-you card means I will practice turning my attention towards positive memories as well as get a chance to practice letting myself be creative. By sending the card, I am learning another way of sending positive vibes out into the lives of others. These are all things I could feel good about. Once I have gotten comfortable being aware of the things I am grateful for and making a card for someone at any old time, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of balancing my attention when life seems to be throwing all the hard stuff my way. When I notice I am finding things distressing on a regular basis, I will spend some time thinking of things I am grateful for, making a card to acknowledge one, and sending it to the person. Each time I notice myself getting pessimistic, I will bring my thoughts back to my card and the meaning behind it to help balance my thoughts and remember that it isn’ t all bad, all the time.
Posted in: Engagement, Expression & Support, Mindful Distraction ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , ,

No. 110: A Sense A Day

August 18, 2012 8:34 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will use mindfulness of my senses to practice shifting my thoughts and improving the moment. This week, I will regularly tune my attention into one of my senses each day and deliberately plan activities that will allow me to indulge it a little. I will plan in advance which sense I will do each day, and then throughout that day I will make myself aware of that sense. The next day I will practice being aware of a different one of my five senses. For example, on Monday I might pay particular attention to what I taste whenever I eat or drink, on Tuesday I might stop what I am doing for a moment throughout my day and pay attention to the different things I hear, on Wednesday I might practice being aware of the sensations I have when I touch things, on Thursday I might practice taking time to pay attention to the sights around me, on Friday I might practice taking time out to notice the smells around me. In this way, I will practice mindfully shifting my attention onto something different. Once I am comfortable practicing mindfully shifting my attention like this, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of distracting myself from unhelpful thoughts when I am distressed or stressed.
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No. 109: Create Something Simple to Have Faith in

August 11, 2012 6:59 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will practice coping with uncertainty by creating a simple vision for the future that I can have faith in achieving and then reminding myself of it on a regular basis. First of all, I will think of the simple things I would like to see in my future. I will make sure I think of positive and realistic things, that I could have faith in achieving or maintaining if I put my mind to it. I could list things like being close to my family, a safe place to live, regular healthy meals or a daily routine I enjoy. Second, I will visualise or imagine what a day would look and feel like in that future. I will try my best to bring a realistic and detailed picture of it into my mind, from waking up in the morning to going to bed at night. Finally, I will write down all of the things I imagined I did and experienced as part of that day. As I move through my week, I will regularly bring my mind back to that simple vision of my future and remind myself that no matter where I am now, my vision of the future is where I will one day be. If I find this hard, I might set an alarm on my phone to remind me to spend a moment visualising it. Whenever I can, I will mindfully do what I imagined I would do in the course of a day in my vision of the future. In this way, I really can have faith that I will gradually get there and I will give myself small bits of evidence that helps me have hope every day. When I am familiar with creating a simple vision and visualising it throughout the day, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for self-soothing and engagement in times of stress, distress or mental unwellness. When I am finding it hard to have hope, I will focus my attention on creating something I can have hope in. By spending time visualising a positive picture of my future and reminding myself of the small things I can do to achieve it, I can actively balance any worried thoughts I might be having about how things are going to turn out and leave room for the possibility that everything will turn out okay in the end.
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No. 102: Remembering I am not my Thoughts

June 22, 2012 12:43 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will practice reminding myself that automatic thoughts are ideas not facts. This week I will remember that I am not my thoughts. We all have automatic thoughts constantly throughout the day as our minds try to figure out what is happening around us. We can have automatic thoughts about anything that we have ever seen or heard. We can have automatic thoughts that we disagree with and that are the opposite of what we want, so my automatic thoughts do not really say anything about me or who I am. They really are just ideas. This week, as I move through my day, I will practice observing my thoughts and reminding myself that “these are ideas I have had, but they are not me.” Once I am comfortable thinking about my thoughts as ideas not facts about who I am, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing distress with my self-talk. When I notice I am distressed, I will observe my thoughts and remind myself these are ideas. I will look at which of these ideas I want to hold onto and which ones I don’ t really agree with. When I have thoughts I do not want to have, I will remember that it is normal to have thoughts I don’ t agree with. It doesn’ t mean anything bad about me.
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No. 99: Normalising and Validating My Own Responses

June 1, 2012 12:50 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will practice normalising and validating my own emotional responses and thoughts by regularly tuning my attention into what I am currently thinking and feeling and reassuring myself that these are normal responses, that make sense given my situation. Making sense, doesn’ t mean they are accurate or worthwhile hanging on to, but I am human and my thoughts and feelings are acceptable, even when I don’ t like them. “Whatever I am feeling is okay, I am where I need to be, I am still moving forward.” Sometimes we judge ourselves for our thoughts and feelings and this makes us feel worse and try to hide what is going on for us. Hiding things almost always makes them worse. This week, I do not need to hide my emotions and thoughts because I will remind myself that my emotions and thoughts are acceptable. I will start out by noticing and normalising only slight moods and negative thoughts. Once I am comfortable with letting myself know my slight moods and negative thoughts are normal and valid, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for comforting more extreme feelings of distress: Remembering I Have Normal, Valid Responses Like Everyone Else. When I can make sense of my experiences as valid, normal responses, I will be more empowered to express myself and get support.
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No. 91: Building Support by Offering Support

April 5, 2012 10:05 am ⋅ 
This week to attain, maintain, or regain my sense of wellbeing...


...I will focus on building or strengthening my support network. It's not uncommon to become isolated during times of stress and distress. It is easy to lose touch with friends and family members. This week I will write down the name(s) of 1 - 5 people that I could connect or reconnect with. There could be a colleague at work or someone interesting at school or an aunt or cousin or sibling or old friend that I would like to be closer to.

I will then practice getting in touch with the people on my list once a week to find out how they are doing and see if I can help with anything at all. By offering support I will find it easier to ask for support later when I need it. This week is about expressing my care for others to strengthen my relationships for the times when things get tough and I need a little care and support myself.

Once I have figured out how to make this a comfortable thing for me to do, I will write it down on a piece of paper and put it in my Personal Coping Kete as a support activity.
Posted in: Engagement, Expression & Support ⋅ Tagged: ,

No. 90: Picturing my Supporters at my Back

March 30, 2012 9:40 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, regain or maintain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…when I am stressed, pressed or distressed, I will self-soothe by imagining my various support people standing encouragingly at my back, boosting me up. This might include my parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, therapist, key-worker or someone else, just all the people in my life who want me to do well and want me to feel better when I don’ t. I will make a list of some of these people before I try to practice imagining them standing supportively at my back, so I’ m not having to remember from scratch in the middle of a moment of distress. Some of the people might be in my daily life, but some might be more distant or less available, but they are still people in the world who want good things for me. It doesn’ t matter if I see them everyday or once every two years – they care for me and if they were here they would give me comfort. I will picture them sending me good vibes, saying comforting things and believing in me. No matter what is happening now, these people want good things for me. With them at my back, I know I don’ t need to cope with whatever life throws at me by myself. I will breathe and imagine my people are there quietly supporting me. If I find it particularly hard to think of people who fit the bill as supporters or I think I don’ t have ‘ enough’ of them, it might be that I need to spend some time finding some supporters for myself. But we don’ t need a huge number of supporters to get through, we really just need one or two people we can rely on when things get rough. Once I’ ve worked out how to get this strategy working for me, I will write it on a card and add it to my Personal Coping Kete, for future use.
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