Engage Aotearoa

Tag Archives: Self-care

No. 74: Chanting Meditation

December 8, 2011 10:29 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will practice chanting as a way of meditating, doing breathing exercises and relaxing myself. First off I will pick a word to use. The little boy in this video link uses the word “yum”. Yoga meditations often use the word ‘ om’ . I will experiment with the kinds of words I use for my chant – different words might have different feelings for me. “Om” is likely so popular because it doesn’ t have any meaning and is just a sound. I might use other sounds too. I will take a deep breath into my belly. As I let the breath out, I will repeat my word in a chant, giving the final repetition a greater emphasis on the last syllable, for example: “yum, yum, yum, yummy” / “Om, om, om, ommmm” / “Love, love, love, lovvvve”. I will be aware of the sensations of the words moving over my lips and the other sensations in my body. I will let the words come nice and slow, so that my out breath is also nice and slow. My mind will be focused on my breath, the words and the sensations of saying them, rather than on the things I worry about. I will repeat the chant at least three times, once a day to practice. This way I’ ll be well-rehearsed if I want to try the strategy when I am distressed or stressed. Chanting changes the level of CO2 in your blood stream, and like singing, can create a sense of euphoria or lightness. Watch this video for a low-key, fun example of using chants to calm ourselves. The little boy in this video has heaps of energy, he gets pretty silly in this and he uses the chant to bring himself back to centre at about 2 minutes in. Once I am familiar with doing chanting meditation, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for soothing myself and distracting from distress.
Posted in: Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , , , ,

No. 72 – Moving Away From Fixing Things

November 24, 2011 1:23 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… When I encounter problems in my daily life, I will practice reminding myself that “I do not need to fix the problem before me – I simply need to get through it.” I can get through it by putting one foot in front of the other and continuing to breathe. As long as I am continuing to breathe, I am surviving it. This way, instead of problems seeming like insurmountable challenges that I have to somehow solve (pressure!), they will seem more like challenges to cope with (less pressure). When I talk about my problems with friends or family, I will also practice letting them know that I do not expect them to be able to ‘ fix’ my problems. This can help them to feel more relaxed about supporting me through the difficulties. Once I am comfortable with reminding myself I do not need to fix all of my problems, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing distress and helping myself seek support when I need it.

Posted in: Expression & Support ⋅ Tagged: , ,

No. 70: Being Specific

November 10, 2011 10:45 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice keeping my self-talk specific to help moderate my responses to things. Often I find my internal dialogue includes words like ‘ always’ , ‘ everything’ and ‘ never’ that generalise what I am experiencing in the moment out to all situations. This amplifies the emotions I experience as a result and makes things seem more significant than they really are. This week, I will practice observing my self-talk during the day and using the most specific language I can find. So when I catch myself thinking things like ‘ I always screw things up’ or ‘ they never notice me’ , I will turn it around in my head to be more like ‘ I made a mistake just then’ or ‘ they didn’ t notice me just then’ . Rather than then allow myself to go down the path of remembering other times this has happened or might happen, I will focus my mind onto other specific things about this current situation. This might involve simply listing to myself the specific elements in play in the moment – from the temperature, to the environment, to the people around me, to my own reactions to these things – or it might involve listing the ways in which this situation is different from past similar situations. As my mind wanders onto other thoughts, I will remind myself that I can only know what is here now and bring my mind back to the task of observing and describing my current situation to myself. Here I am in this moment, which I can only ever experience once. Once I am comfortable with noticing my self-talk and using specific language, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for soothing distressing or intense emotions.
Posted in: Mindful Distraction, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , , , ,

No. 68: Grounded in my Hands

October 29, 2011 11:42 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteWhen I notice shifts in mood, I will practice grounding myself in my body by very simply stroking my left hand with my right hand. I will breathe and focus my attention on my hands and then slowly move my attention inside my body: what does it feel like inside my body right now? I will keep breathing as I bring my attention back to the outside and the sensations of my hands. Here I am in my body, breathing. Once I am comfortable making myself present in my body by stroking my hand, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of grounding myself during moments of intensity or distress.
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No. 65: Soothing the Personal Sting

October 6, 2011 4:46 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice taking the sting out of interpersonal situations by viewing other people’ s actions and reactions as being about them and not me. It is a natural human response to consider how we are received by those around us. Often though, we can personalise things that really have nothing to do with us. For example if someone frowns while we are speaking, we might assume they are displeased with us. But they could be concentrating or have a personal relationship to something we said. This week I will give people space to be responding to their own set of wants, needs, attitudes and challenges. Thinking about alternative, less personal ways of interpreting things can really help to reduce our sense of distress or hurt. So this week when I notice shifts in mood, I am going to scan my thoughts and see whether I have been taking something personally. Whenever I catch myself taking something on board as being about me, I will make a quick list of other things that could be responsible as well. It can often help to jot these things down in a notepad or on a scrap of paper – when we are really distressed it can otherwise be quite hard to concentrate on alternative explanations. This exercise could help with dealing with past situations that continue to distress me as memories as well. Once I have become comfortable identifying personalised thoughts and taking out the personal sting in everyday situations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of thinking myself through stress and distress.
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No. 64: Me Time

September 29, 2011 11:36 am ⋅ 
This week to attain, maintain, or regain my sense of wellbeing... 

I will give myself two moments of 'me time' every day - once in the morning (perhaps the first 15 minutes I am awake) and once in the evening (maybe the last 15 minutes before going to bed). During these times I will find a way of taking some time to myself to do something centering or that connects me with myself. This might involve using the time to just quietly sip a cuppa and read a magazine or write in my journal or take a slow shower or go for a peaceful walk or doodle on a notepad or whatever it is that I find gives me a break from the demands of the day and allows me to simply 'be' for a moment.

As needed, I will use this as valuable time for sorting through my thoughts or goals or whatever else might be cluttering up my mind at the moment. Giving myself regular moments to myself will allow me mental space in each day to process what I need to process. I might even use this dedicated to time to try other coping strategies I have been wanting to learn. The point is that I take 15 minutes, two times a day to do whatever I want, just for me: I am worth it. 

If I'm out of practice of giving myself 'me time' it can take a while to get into the habit. I'll be sure to be understanding of myself if I find it hard to put this strategy into action. It is often helpful to plan in advance what I will do each day, rather than expecting myself to spontaneously think of something when the time comes.

Modern life can become very busy, this week I will set myself up to cope with stress by giving myself these two regular breathers that are just for me. This is about practicing the art of valuing myself.

Once I've figured out the art of spending time valuing myself, I will add 'Me Time' to my Personal Coping Kete. In times of stress and distress, I will try a bit of me time to shift my mood.
Posted in: Engagement ⋅ Tagged: , ,

No. 60: The Good Mood Diet

September 1, 2011 12:21 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…

Coping KeteI am going to practice The Good Mood Diet. It’ s not a food diet, though food will be part of it. The good mood diet is about creating opportunities for positive moods. This will strengthen my resilience to stress and distress, because it will become easier to counter dark thoughts when I have been experiencing some positive things.

The Good Mood Diet is about finding small activities that can be fitted into everyday life on a regular basis. It’ s not about trying to only experience good moods, but about making sure that good moods are part of my experience.

I will start by making my own Good Mood Diet plan, which involves first making a series of lists:

    • FUN: A list of things I have enjoyed doing alone or with others
    • TIME-OUT: A list of things that I have found relaxing or peaceful or freeing – we all need time to do just as we please, to chill.
    • NOURISHMENT: A list of things that I found nurturing for my body
    • ACHIEVEMENT: A list of small everyday things that have given me a sense of accomplishment or strength utilisation.

Once I have built my four lists, I will take out my diary or day-planner and I will plan in one item from each list for every day of my week. That means that every day, among my usual activities, I will do one thing I find fun, one thing that gives me time out from expectations, one thing that strengthens my body and one thing that shows me my capabilities and skills.

No matter what is happening in my life, I value myself enough to gift myself the opportunity to experience the good bits.

To help myself along I will make sure that the items on my lists are specific and small enough to be achievable. I will keep my schedule in mind and ensure that the ideas I generate will fit with that. For example, planning full-day activities when I don’ t have full-days available will set myself up to be unsuccessful. It would be more useful to find little elements of the larger activity that I could implement given my particular context and situation.

If I find it difficult to think of items to try out, I will use the comments feature below to seek help or talk to some friends about what things they might try. Sometimes bad days and distressing moments come about because we become disconnected from these activities. But when we are stressed and distressed, it is extra hard to do these things. As much as possible, I will try to practice them in advance when I am feeling okay or during higher energy times of the day.

Once I have gotten comfortable putting a good mood diet in place, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to return to in times of stress and distress.

Posted in: Engagement ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , ,

No. 59: Building a Positive Memory Bank

August 25, 2011 4:52 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will use self-talk to congratulate and praise myself for each small positive thing that happens or each thing that I do well. That means that this week I will notice the little moments of strength, skill, safety and resilience. I will consciously acknowledge these moments to myself, by describing them in my head and giving myself some kind of ‘ well done’ or ‘ good one’ and actually let myself feel good about it. I will make sure that I smile each time. Once I am used to acknowledging my strengths and successes in everyday moments, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing negative automatic thoughts during times of stress and distress. Whenever I notice myself feeling stressed, pressed or distressed, I will recall these moments of self-praise to give myself some supportive evidence that I can get through this moment and work to notice the good things I am doing in this moment right now. I will bring myself back to the concept that ‘ this too shall pass‘ by building memories of myself getting through and recalling them when I need to. This starts by building my awareness of the small moments when things go well, rather than only counting the big events as meaningful.
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No. 58: Coming Back to Centre

August 18, 2011 8:26 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will be mindful of the calm, light centre I take within me everywhere I go. No matter what life layers on top of me, that centre is unchangeable. I will be aware that though my moods and thoughts and situation change, I can always return to this light place within. It is there, even when I can’ t see or feel it. Even if I am feeling really low or dark, the light place within me remains. I can touch it whenever I want to. When I notice slight shifts in my mood and frame of mind, I will remind myself that I carry this place within me. In my mind’ s eye I will visualise this calm centre inside me and I will see myself moving towards it, while I practice the standard breathing exercise. In this way, I will practice reminding myself of my own intrinsic, unchangeable worth and capacity to experience something different in a range of different situations. Once I am comfortable noticing slight shifts in my mood and coming back to centre, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of self-soothing in the midst of distressing situations.
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No. 54: Paint

July 21, 2011 5:00 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice painting something on a piece of paper, wood, cloth or canvas to shift the moment. It doesn’ t matter what I paint, I will focus my attention on the sound of the brush on the surface and allow myself to get lost in the brush-strokes. I could simply colour in the surface, paint how I feel or try to copy something that is around me. Painting is great because I can start it and then come back to it later. When things get stressful or distressing, I can return to the artwork and add to it or I can start a new one if I am feeling completely different. This will give me some brief valuable ‘ me’ time in my day where I can distract myself from what’ s going in my day or a moment. This gives my unconscious mind a bit of a rest and sets me up for a moment of safety. I could get a few tubes of acrylic paint for a few dollars each from my local stationary shop. Some emporium style shops have a great range of really cheap paints, brushes, papers and canvases – but really, I can paint on anything. If I keep in mind that I can do a lot with just one colour and I’ ll be able to get started almost straight away. Once I am used to taking a few moments to paint in my everyday life, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting or expressing moments of stress and distress.\r

This week’ s strategy comes from a participant at today’ s RCNet Monthly Forum. We’ ve fleshed it out a bit.

Posted in: Mindful Distraction ⋅ Tagged: , , , , , ,