Tag Archives: Emotional Regulation

No. 152: Do Something for My Future Self

March 11, 2014 6:28 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete

… practice choosing the course of action that will make you feel better later by doing something for your future self each day. We so often spend our time caught up in surviving the day-to-day things that lie in front of us, that we forget to spend time setting up our future selves to thrive. This week, practice nurturing my future self. Think about you in a week from now and imagine you find yourself in a good frame of mind; what does that person wish they had experienced or done? What are they proud of? What do they treasure? What brought vitality to their week? Then fast forward past next week, to next month, next year, and decades from now. Make a list as you go of small things you could do in a day to help your future self have these experiences they need to build the kind of life they want. Each day, choose one thing from your list to do and plan in a time to do it. For example, going to bed 30 minutes earlier might make your mornings easier; eating breakfast might make your afternoons easier; chatting with a friend might have given you a laugh; doing a job you’ ve been putting off might make you feel less stressed tomorrow; going for a walk might give you a mood lift and help you sleep better later; setting some goals might help you feel like you have a bit of direction later etc… As you get used to the practice of doing small things for your future self in a planned way, practice pausing as you make decisions in your daily life to ask yourself what course of action would help build a thriving life for your future self. When you are used to making choices for your future self, add ‘ Do Something for My Future Self‘ to your Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping during times of stress and distress. When you find yourself feeling upset, you can use this strategy to value yourself in the presence of that distress and keep moving towards the kind of life you want. How does your future self want to see you managing this?

Posted in: Engagement, Mindful Distraction, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: coping skills, distraction, emotional regulation, humor, mindfulness practice, perspective, physical activity, positive thinking

No. 135: Reward Myself for Surviving

May 15, 2013 4:11 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…

… I will practice scheduling reward points into the end of every day to inject enjoyable moments into my daily life, appreciate myself, and really take notice of my capacity to get through. During my scheduled reward points, I will be able to practice being aware of what I deal with each day and responding by rewarding my efforts, whatever they may be, whether I struggled or succeeded. To get started, I will write a list of things that I find enjoyable and can use as rewards. The list could include things like going to a movie or having a treat food or doing a hobby activity or lying around listening to music, relaxing or catching up with someone you enjoy or having a massage or anything at all. Rewards can be big or they can be small, but they shouldn’t be harmful. So having a binge-drinking session or taking drugs wouldn’t be the right kind of reward to use. Once I have my list of rewards, I’ll schedule time to give myself one reward at the end of every day for the next week. At the scheduled time each afternoon/evening, I will take a quiet moment to reflect on what I have survived that day. When I think of difficult moments in the day, I will observe the thought and say to myself “and that was hard so I can reward myself for getting through.” When I think of positive moments of the day, I will observe the thought and say to myself “and that was good, so I can reward myself for having a part in it.” Once I have reflected for 2 or 3 minutes, I will go ahead and give myself the reward I had planned. When I am comfortable with engaging in rewarding behaviour on a usual week, I will add ‘ Plan Little Rewards’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy to use during times of distress. When I notice I am upset, I can reflect on what I have been surviving, make myself aware of how much I have to reward myself for by saying the reflection statements and then planning some rewarding activities for the coming week.

Posted in: Engagement ⋅ Tagged: creative expression, emotional regulation, humor, physical activity, positive thinking, social connection, Stress Management

No. 116: A Moment for Self-Care

October 19, 2012 4:13 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete

… I will practice using small moments of self-care to create positive experiences in my day. Self-care is the act of caring for myself by meeting my basic needs for food and water, movement, fresh air, sunlight, stillness, and physical care. I will spend some time every morning and evening focused on a self-care activity from one of these categories. I will start out by making a list of activities I like for each kind of self-care first and then use my diary to plan which activities I will do each morning and night. I might even add to these categories if I want to, I could add ‘ Connection’ or ‘ Noise’ or any other kind of activity that I feel fits with my idea of what my ‘ basic needs’ are.

For example:

Food and water

Sit down and eat breakfast
Take time to prepare lunch
Make something really healthy for dinner
Eat a favourite food
Stop to drink a glass of water

Movement

Dance to music in my room
Go to a ‘No Lights No Lycra’ event
Do some yoga stretches
Take mini-breaks to stroll round the room

Fresh air

Pause and do some belly-breathing
Stand outside and breathe deep for a moment
Pop my head out an open window

Sunlight

Read a book in the sun
Do some gardening
Eat lunch outside

Stillness

Go to bed early to read a book
Light some candles and listen to chill-out music
Paint something on that blank canvas I have sitting around

Physical care

Make one of the spaces in my house nice to be in
Cleanse and moisturise my face
Wash and brush my hair
Wear something that feels good to be in

As I do each activity I will focus all my attention on the task at hand, being aware as I go that I am making a simple gesture of caring to myself. As I move through the week, I will be mindful of how I am affected by my moments of self-care so I can tell which activities work to shift my mood and whether I want to adjust them at all. Once I am comfortable purposefully doing self-care activities on a regular basis and have found some that boost my mood, I will add them to my Personal Coping Kete and use ‘ A Moment of Self-Care’ as a way of nurturing and valuing myself during times of stress and distress.

Posted in: Engagement, Mindful Distraction, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: breathing exercises, coping skills, emotional regulation, mindfulness practice, physical needs, positive thinking, self-care, Stress Management, time-out

No. 104: Connecting with Interests & Skills

July 6, 2012 3:59 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete

I will practice connecting with my interests and developing my skills by joining some kind of community course. Most community centres offer cheap community classes on topics ranging from cooking and clothing alterations to ballroom dancing, yoga and martial arts. This week I will spend time exploring my options and finding a first class to try. It could take a few tries before I find a class that suits me. I will use my local telephone directory, The Community Resources Directory, web searches and local noticeboards to get a picture of what is available in my community. I might also talk to the people around me about what is out there and whether they recommend anything. As I move through my day I will remember that I am exploring my interests and am well on my way along the path towards a more enjoyable life. Any points of dissatisfaction are simply the areas that are still works in progress. It might be hard for me to get myself along so I might ask a friend, family member or other supporter if they want to come with me. That might also be a nice way to strengthen a relationship I have been wanting to build. Once I have found a hobby-course that I enjoy and I have become familiar with the activity I have been learning, I will add the activity to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of engaging with my skills and interests to shift my mood when I am distressed. * * * Today’ s post marks two full years of The Coping Kete in its online form. The Coping Kete book is coming soon.

Posted in: Engagement ⋅ Tagged: acceptance, emotional regulation, humor, mindfulness practice, positive thinking, relaxation, relaxation techniques, time-out

No. 101: Stretching Distraction

June 16, 2012 10:55 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete

…I will practice stretching to distract myself from the present moment and lift my energy. Once a day I will spend a few minutes doing some basic yoga stretches. As I do them I will practice mindfully focusing my attention on the movements I am making and the way they feel in my body. I will practice letting thoughts of the day pass through my mind as I observe them and bring my mind back to my stretches.\r

Neck Roll: Standing up, relax your shoulders, drop your head forward to rest your chin on your chest. Slowly roll your head to rest your right ear on your right shoulder, pause, return to centre then slowly roll your head to rest your left ear on your left shoulder, pause, return to centre. Repeat.

Shoulder and Arm Rotation: Stretch your arms out to the side and imagine you are pushing apart two walls. Repeat three times. Keeping the arms at shoulder level, rotate the shoulders forwards and then backwards. Repeat three times. Slowly drop arms to the side and observe the sensation produced in your body.

Swaying Tree pose: Standing with your feet at hip-width, reach your arms above your head, clasp your hands together, exhale and lean gently to the left. Inhale and come back to centre. Then exhale and lean to the right. Repeat.

Cat Pose: Kneel on all fours with hands shoulder distance apart and your knees the same distance apart. Exhale while arching your back up and looking down at your belly. Hold for a few seconds. Inhale as you arch your back down and lift your head.

\r Once I am familiar with doing stretches as part of my ordinary day, I will add them to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of distracting myself from distressing moments and times of stress and tension. When I notice I am feeling tense, I can take myself away from present company for a moment and practice my stretches.

Posted in: Mindful Distraction ⋅ Tagged: breathing exercises, emotional regulation, mindfulness practice, physical needs, relaxation, self-care, Stress Management, time-out

No. 80: Observing Myself as Part of Nature

January 19, 2012 8:43 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete

…I will practice mindful distraction by going outside and observing myself as part of nature. This week, the first thing I will do once I have woken up in the morning and gotten dressed, is to take a moment to go outside where I can see at least some aspect of the natural world. For the next few minutes I will let whatever concerns I might have for the coming day fade into the distance where I can catch them up later if I still need to. I will focus my awareness on the way the clouds and air move, the way the plant-life grows, the way water flows or settles – everything falling into its shape. As I make myself aware of these elements of nature, I will notice myself standing or sitting there, as part of this environment. Here I am, connected to the world. Doing this regularly, when I am not distressed, will help me make strong associations with the strategy so it is easier to do it when I need it. It’ s also just a pretty nice way to start the day. In preparation for when I need to distract myself from unnecessary distress, once a day, I will…\r

“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence….You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” [From The Desiderata, Max Ehrmann, 1927]

Once I am comfortable doing this task as part of a regular day, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for mindfully distracting myself from distressing emotions and unwanted thoughts.

Posted in: Engagement, Mindful Distraction ⋅ Tagged: emotional regulation, mindfulness practice, physical activity, relaxation, Stress Management, time-out

No. 60: The Good Mood Diet

September 1, 2011 12:21 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅ admin

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…

Coping Kete I am going to practice The Good Mood Diet. It’ s not a food diet, though food will be part of it. The good mood diet is about creating opportunities for positive moods. This will strengthen my resilience to stress and distress, because it will become easier to counter dark thoughts when I have been experiencing some positive things.

The Good Mood Diet is about finding small activities that can be fitted into everyday life on a regular basis. It’ s not about trying to only experience good moods, but about making sure that good moods are part of my experience.

I will start by making my own Good Mood Diet plan, which involves first making a series of lists:

- FUN: A list of things I have enjoyed doing alone or with others

- TIME-OUT: A list of things that I have found relaxing or peaceful or freeing – we all need time to do just as we please, to chill.

- NOURISHMENT: A list of things that I found nurturing for my body

- ACHIEVEMENT: A list of small everyday things that have given me a sense of accomplishment or strength utilisation.

Once I have built my four lists, I will take out my diary or day-planner and I will plan in one item from each list for every day of my week. That means that every day, among my usual activities, I will do one thing I find fun, one thing that gives me time out from expectations, one thing that strengthens my body and one thing that shows me my capabilities and skills.

No matter what is happening in my life, I value myself enough to gift myself the opportunity to experience the good bits.

To help myself along I will make sure that the items on my lists are specific and small enough to be achievable. I will keep my schedule in mind and ensure that the ideas I generate will fit with that. For example, planning full-day activities when I don’ t have full-days available will set myself up to be unsuccessful. It would be more useful to find little elements of the larger activity that I could implement given my particular context and situation.

If I find it difficult to think of items to try out, I will use the comments feature below to seek help or talk to some friends about what things they might try. Sometimes bad days and distressing moments come about because we become disconnected from these activities. But when we are stressed and distressed, it is extra hard to do these things. As much as possible, I will try to practice them in advance when I am feeling okay or during higher energy times of the day.

Once I have gotten comfortable putting a good mood diet in place, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to return to in times of stress and distress.

Posted in: Engagement ⋅ Tagged: acceptance, emotional regulation, mindfulness practice, physical needs, positive thinking, relaxation techniques, self-care

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