Engage Aotearoa

Tag Archives: Directing Attention

No. 150: Make a Memory Jar

This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… practice holding onto good memories by making and using a Memory Jar. To make a Memory Jar, all you need to do is get a jar with a lid that you can fill with reminders of your positive, special or treasured memories throughout the year. Each day, write down at least one positive thing you want to remember later. Write down the small things like amazing views or scenery you have seen or fabulous food you have eaten or moments of laughter with friends as well as the big events and achievements that happen throughout the days and weeks of the year. Some people add objects and pictures to their memory jars too – like ticket stubs from good movies and concerts, photos of friends, shells from beach trips, dried flowers etc etc. Your Memory Jar can become a real lucky dip of treasured moments that you will be able to use as fuel for feeling good in days to come. To start with, you’ ll need to get your Memory Jar ready. Click here to see some Memory Jars made by other people. Some people decorate their memory jars – you could get really creative with this. Next schedule in some time each day for the next week, to write at least one new memory on a slip of paper and add it to the jar. If you have been feeling low, try to choose a time of the day when you usually feel the best. It is harder to notice positives when we are feeling negative, so if you find it tough to think of positive memories from the day, don’ t be hard on yourself for it. It helps to start small with just little things that have brought us a bit of pleasure. You might find it easier to write things down as they happen or to think back further than this one day or week. At the end of the week, look through your Memory Jar and practice remembering each of the good moments. Plan how to continue adding to your jar as you move through the year and then dip into it when you need some help to hold on to the good bits alongside the areas of dissatisfaction you carry or for those times you need some inspiration for how to feel better. It might help to keep it somewhere you will see it often. Reviewing your Memory Jar regularly will help you to get comfortable holding your positive memories in mind without cancelling them out with the bad stuff that has happened. This can help us to prevent the difficult things from taking over our whole view. You might find yourself having pessimistic or cynical thoughts about the activity, especially if you are in a low mood right now. Finding it hard to remember positive things doesn’ t mean that there have been no positive things. It just means you haven’ t noticed any positive things or you didn’ t count them when you did, maybe they seemed inconsequential or insignificant. Sometimes it can help to write down something you think you would find positive on a different day if you were in a better mood. By practicing the art of writing something down every day, you will practice holding onto positive memories in the face of difficulty and hardship, when it is all too easy to forget them. You’ ll also have a really neat record of your year to look back on in days to come. As you gather more and more memories in your jar, and get comfortable noticing, recording and recalling positive memories, add ‘ Use My Memory Jar’ to your Personal Coping Kete for moments of stress and distress. If you are finding things hard, take out your Memory Jar and use it to shift my thoughts to good times and moments of gratitude and find some ideas for things to do in the present to shift your mood. In times of stress and distress, as well as remembering good memories, try to add one new good memory to your Memory Jar a day. Even when everything is terrible, you will be able to find one good thing to add to your Memory Jar. Doing this during tough times might help you to balance out some of your unwanted thoughts and feelings and shift the intensity of your moods a bit.
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Happy New Year from Engage Aotearoa

No. 136: One Thing I Can Do/ One Thing I Like

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing...


...I will practice paying attention to the things I can do and the things I like to engage with to help build my sense of self-efficacy (sense of being able to handle things) and awareness of enjoyable experiences. This will help build my resilience to stress and distress and will also give me good data about myself that I can use to self-soothe when I am stressed and create  positive emotion when I am low.

To prepare, I will take a page in a notebook and divide it into two columns. The first column, I will title 'One Thing I Can Do' and the second column I will title 'One Thing I Like' (see example below).

To practice, I will take a moment at the end of each day to write down an example of 'One Thing I Can Do' and 'One Thing I Like' from my day. In the 'One Thing I Can Do' column, I will write down one thing that I did that day that I think I did well and what skill, attribute or quality it involved. In the 'One Thing I Like' column, I will write down one thing from my day that I enjoyed or appreciated and what it was that I liked about it. If I've been having tough times for a while, it might be hard to do this because I will be out of practice at noticing these things and I might have stopped doing a lot of the things I am good at and like. If I find it hard, I will have compassion for myself and practice noticing the smallest of small signs of 'Things I Can Do' or 'Things I Like' - for example, getting out of bed, showering and single moments of laughter.

As I move through the week, I will think through my growing list and know that there are things I can do to get through and things I like that can change my mood. As my awareness grows I will start trying to mindfully do those things when I notice my mood is low or my thinking is negative.  This week, I will practice building the evidence that lets me remind myself "there is always one thing I can do and one thing that I can enjoy."

My notebook columns would look something like this...
Things I can do… Things I like…
Monday: I handled a tricky phone call – diplomatic
Tuesday: I cooked a good dinner – cooking
Wednesday: I supported a friend – supportive
Thursday: I sent work emails – organised
Friday: I solved a problem at work – dedicated
Saturday: I socialised – interactive
Sunday: I did the laundry – conscientious
Monday: Watching the sunset
Tuesday: Sushi for lunch
Wednesday: Walking in the park in the breeze
Thursday: Watching the waves at the beach
Friday: Watched a movie
Saturday: Hanging out with friends
Sunday: Fresh sheets on the bed

Once I am comfortable noticing what I can do and what I like, and mindfully doing those things, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping with distress. When I find myself feeling stuck, hopeless or unsure of myself, I will be able to self-soothe by coming back to my old list to remind myself I am capable and the things I can do to change my mood and engage with a way of shifting my experience by doing just one of the things I can do and one thing that I like. This strategy could become self-soothing, engagement or mindful distraction depending on how I used it. 

No. 134: Grounding Myself with Sounds

This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing...


I will practice getting grounded by slowing down and observing the sounds around me. I will begin by closing my eyes and noticing the sound of my breathing, then I will gradually move my awareness away from my body as I notice the sounds I can hear close to me, then further into the distance. Then I will bring my awareness back towards my body until I become aware of the sound of my breathing again.

Each time I notice my mind wandering back onto concerns of my day, I will bring my awareness back to the sounds around me. As I return from the distance to the sound of my breathing, I will remind myself "I am here, in this place, breathing my breath." Then I will open my eyes and return to my day.

I'll start out by practicing this exercise for one or two minutes every morning or night and then move to practicing pausing during the day between tasks to take a moment to ground myself within my body and in environment around me. In this way I will get used to letting go of my thoughts and concerns and giving myself a moment of peace. This will help prepare me for interrupting unhelpful thoughts and giving myself a moment of peace when emotions are running high.

Once I am familiar with this kind of exercise I will add 'Grounding Myself with Sounds'  to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting my mind away from unhelpful thoughts during moments of stress and distress.

Acknowledgement: Mindfulness can be traced back to buddhist philosophy. Thich Naht Hanh is known for creating the Engaged Buddhism movement  and popularising mindfulness in the Western world. Jon Kabbat-Zinn is known for popularising mindfulness in the medical community with the Mindfulness-Based Stress-Reduction (MBSR) programme at the University of Massachusetts. Marsha Linehan is known for popularising mindfulness in the mental health community with Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT).  The basic practice of mindfulness features in many strategies shared in The Coping Kete. Once you learn the basic skills, you can use mindfulness in any moment you find yourself in, in countless different ways. There is an awful lot behind each of the skills involved. Follow the links above to learn more. 

No. 129: Gratitude Diary

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…I will practice bringing positives to my own attention by keeping a daily Gratitude Diary. Each evening before bed, I will write down three things I am grateful for that day. If I’ ve been feeling down for a long time, it might be hard to recognise the things I am grateful for, so I will start small. As I move through each day, I will let myself pause to appreciate things as they unfold, to help make it easier to notice them later when it comes time to write my daily entry. This week, no matter what has happened that day, I will find room for three things I am grateful for. It is okay to have good times in the middle of bad times – this week, I will practice doing that. As the week goes by, I could experiment with remembering the things in my Gratitude Diary during the day and see if I notice a lift in my moods. Keeping a Gratitude Diary will make me engage with the things I am grateful to have experienced. So over the week, I will gather a collection of positive memories of my week. If I notice it helps keep my moods more balanced, I could keep doing this for as long as I want. Once I have practiced keeping a Gratitude Diary for a while, I will add ‘ Gratitude Diary’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy to try when I am distressed by unwanted thoughts and moods. Sometimes we need to let the things that give us hope and inspiration in. And that can be really difficult to do when we are down, especially if we aren’ t used to doing this kind of thing on purpose. When I am ready, I will practice using my Gratitude Diary to self-soothe during times of stress and upset.

No. 92: The Art of Appreciation

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice tuning my attention into positively charged events every day by writing down three things I appreciate, enjoy, feel grateful for, or am glad to see in the world. Later, when I need to self-soothe, I will find it easier to balance negative automatic thoughts or expectations about the world around me. During the day I will try to notice things as they happen and note them to myself for later. I might have to go searching for things to record for a while – it is quite an art to see the good stuff sometimes! Each evening I will write down the date and the list of three things for that day. Once I have been doing it for a while and have a good list, when I find myself feeling negative about the world around me I will be able to read through the list and balance it out with some of the things I appreciate and feel good about. As I read the list, I will remember to myself what it was about each thing that I liked, what I saw in it. Eventually I’ ll get good at just remembering these positive balancing points by themselves. When times are tough I will be able to shine the light of my attention onto a bit proof that it’ s not all bad out there. I let the wanted and unwanted parts of the world exist side by side without letting one cancel the other out. If/when I find a good way to make this work for me, I will note a reminder down about it on a piece of paper and add it to my Personal Coping Kete.

No. 66: Visions of My Success

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…When I find myself worrying about how something will turn out, I will redirect my thoughts by visualising the situation exactly as I would like it to go. In the same way that champion athletes picture themselves successfully completing their task before they begin, I will imagine myself competently going through each motion of the task before me. I will see myself smiling and feeling good. I will imagine myself feeling strong and at ease. I will see the people around me responding positively. I will see myself at the other end of the challenge having come through it well. Each time a new worry surfaces, I will visualise myself handling it well. As I focus my mind on images of myself getting through and enjoying myself doing it, I will take slow breaths in through my nose, allowing my stomach to rise with each breath in. I will let each breath drift out through my loosely pursed lips. In this way, for a short time, I will give myself physical safety messages with the breathing and psychological safety messages with my visualisation. I will also prepare myself to handle the situation more effectively, because I will have seen what that looks like. This is much more useful than filling my head up with what the worse case scenario looks like. When I find constant worries running through my head, this visualisation could be a good way to redirect them without suppressing them. I can let each of my worries arrive so I can help them leave by imagining it being resolved effectively. This week I will feed myself visions of strengths and successes. Once I am comfortable breathing and redirecting myself to visions of my strengths and successes in everyday situations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete for moments of stress and distress.

No. 55: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing...



...practice progressive muscle relaxation. Find a quiet place where you can lie down comfortably and spend 10-15 minutes systematically tensing and relaxing each muscle group in your body.This is about inducing a sensations of relaxation and being really mindful of what we are doing. Thoughts will come and go, just notice whenever you are distracted and come back to the task at hand.

Start with your toes and work your way up through your body: feet, calves, thighs, stomach, chest, hands, arms, shoulders, neck, and face. For each muscle group, tense the muscles for 5-10 seconds, really focusing on what this feels like, then release and relax for 10-15 seconds, noticing the difference between tension and relaxation.

Try to keep your breathing slow and regular as in the standard breathing exercise, as you work your way through my body, tensing and releasing one muscle-group at a time.

Once you are comfortable with this practice, add Progressive Muscle Relaxation to your Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.

Here is a recorded exercise you can use to guide you as you learn.Click the link below to download the MP3 file to your device.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation audio by Miriam Larsen-Barr