Engage Aotearoa

Tag Archives: Coping

No. 82: Valuing My Values

February 2, 2012 11:18 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete…I will practice using self-talk to remind myself of the things I value and care about. In this way I will give myself regular reassurance that despite how things might sometimes turn out, I ultimately have positive intentions. I can relax and let my values guide me. To prepare myself to self-soothe like this when I am distressed by negative thoughts about myself, I will first spend some time, maybe with a pen and paper, to think about what my values are. I will ask myself, “what is it that I think is most important in life?” I will then practice regularly reminding myself “I am the kind of person who values…xyz… so no matter what happens out there, I am all right in here.” If I find that my distress stems from my doing things that don’ t sit well with what I value, then I will be able to move on to a more problem-solving based strategy to discover what I could change or how I could respond. This week, I will practice seeing the evidence of my self-worth in the values that I hold, the things I believe in and strive for. Once I am comfortable being aware of my values and trusting them to guide me, I will add this strategy to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing feelings of distress.
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No. 81: Remembering Their Positives

January 26, 2012 8:07 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…I will practice balancing my reactions to other people, however valid they may be, by listing to myself at least two good things that they have done or said in the past, before I respond to them. By making sure I acknowledge the positive intentions or past actions of people, I can help balance the way I feel about their less pleasant actions. Making myself aware of these balancing factors won’ t necessarily make my other thoughts go away – they could actually be realistic! But it will make sure that they exist as part of a more complete picture of the situation. Sometimes, the things we don’ t like, are a bit more bearable when we can see the good that exists around them. This week, when I notice negative reactions to the people around me, I will practice thinking of two positive things to balance it. It can sometimes help to think of things by sitting down with a pen and paper. The positives don’ t have to be significant things to ‘ count’ either, it could be something like ‘ they always offer me a cup of coffee when they’ re making one.’ This week, I am practicing taking account of all of the information to get a balanced view of the people around me and be better prepared to respond well. Once I am familiar with reminding myself of people’ s positives, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a self-soothing and distraction strategy for times when I find myself irritated, annoyed or upset with something a friend, colleague or family member has done or said. If it turns out that, after trying this for a while, I notice the positive things really do not seem to balance the negative things about being around a person, I will seek support to figure out what I can do about it and turn to a different kind of coping strategy that will help me get through my feelings of hurt.
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No. 74: Chanting Meditation

December 8, 2011 10:29 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will practice chanting as a way of meditating, doing breathing exercises and relaxing myself. First off I will pick a word to use. The little boy in this video link uses the word “yum”. Yoga meditations often use the word ‘ om’ . I will experiment with the kinds of words I use for my chant – different words might have different feelings for me. “Om” is likely so popular because it doesn’ t have any meaning and is just a sound. I might use other sounds too. I will take a deep breath into my belly. As I let the breath out, I will repeat my word in a chant, giving the final repetition a greater emphasis on the last syllable, for example: “yum, yum, yum, yummy” / “Om, om, om, ommmm” / “Love, love, love, lovvvve”. I will be aware of the sensations of the words moving over my lips and the other sensations in my body. I will let the words come nice and slow, so that my out breath is also nice and slow. My mind will be focused on my breath, the words and the sensations of saying them, rather than on the things I worry about. I will repeat the chant at least three times, once a day to practice. This way I’ ll be well-rehearsed if I want to try the strategy when I am distressed or stressed. Chanting changes the level of CO2 in your blood stream, and like singing, can create a sense of euphoria or lightness. Watch this video for a low-key, fun example of using chants to calm ourselves. The little boy in this video has heaps of energy, he gets pretty silly in this and he uses the chant to bring himself back to centre at about 2 minutes in. Once I am familiar with doing chanting meditation, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for soothing myself and distracting from distress.
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No. 72 – Moving Away From Fixing Things

November 24, 2011 1:23 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… When I encounter problems in my daily life, I will practice reminding myself that “I do not need to fix the problem before me – I simply need to get through it.” I can get through it by putting one foot in front of the other and continuing to breathe. As long as I am continuing to breathe, I am surviving it. This way, instead of problems seeming like insurmountable challenges that I have to somehow solve (pressure!), they will seem more like challenges to cope with (less pressure). When I talk about my problems with friends or family, I will also practice letting them know that I do not expect them to be able to ‘ fix’ my problems. This can help them to feel more relaxed about supporting me through the difficulties. Once I am comfortable with reminding myself I do not need to fix all of my problems, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing distress and helping myself seek support when I need it.

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No 71: Requesting Assistance

November 17, 2011 2:08 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…I will give myself the support I need to get through difficult things by practicing the art of seeking help. When I find myself feeling stressed or pressed, I will approach someone either in person, over the phone or in an instant message to let them know what is happening and ask for their help – either support, advice or practical assistance. If they are unavailable, I will go to someone else. This week, when I feel something distressing, I will name the feeling and request assistance with it. So this week, I will practice saying things like “I am feeling stressed out right now, can you help me through it?” and “I’ m feeling upset about something, can you talk to me about it?” and “I’ m feeling worried right now, can you help distract me?” In this way, I will get skilled at seeking support when I need it and allowing others to help me through. Notice that these small expressions don’ t require the other person to actually solve the problem for you, but to stand beside you through the experience. People are often overwhelmed when they are asked to solve a problem, but they can find it much easier to stand with someone. Their presence and ability to listen is all that is needed. I will practice with everyday situations that don’ t involve a lot of high emotion first. Once I am used to seeking support with everyday things, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for dealing with distress.
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No. 70: Being Specific

November 10, 2011 10:45 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice keeping my self-talk specific to help moderate my responses to things. Often I find my internal dialogue includes words like ‘ always’ , ‘ everything’ and ‘ never’ that generalise what I am experiencing in the moment out to all situations. This amplifies the emotions I experience as a result and makes things seem more significant than they really are. This week, I will practice observing my self-talk during the day and using the most specific language I can find. So when I catch myself thinking things like ‘ I always screw things up’ or ‘ they never notice me’ , I will turn it around in my head to be more like ‘ I made a mistake just then’ or ‘ they didn’ t notice me just then’ . Rather than then allow myself to go down the path of remembering other times this has happened or might happen, I will focus my mind onto other specific things about this current situation. This might involve simply listing to myself the specific elements in play in the moment – from the temperature, to the environment, to the people around me, to my own reactions to these things – or it might involve listing the ways in which this situation is different from past similar situations. As my mind wanders onto other thoughts, I will remind myself that I can only know what is here now and bring my mind back to the task of observing and describing my current situation to myself. Here I am in this moment, which I can only ever experience once. Once I am comfortable with noticing my self-talk and using specific language, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for soothing distressing or intense emotions.
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No. 68: Grounded in my Hands

October 29, 2011 11:42 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteWhen I notice shifts in mood, I will practice grounding myself in my body by very simply stroking my left hand with my right hand. I will breathe and focus my attention on my hands and then slowly move my attention inside my body: what does it feel like inside my body right now? I will keep breathing as I bring my attention back to the outside and the sensations of my hands. Here I am in my body, breathing. Once I am comfortable making myself present in my body by stroking my hand, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of grounding myself during moments of intensity or distress.
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No. 54: Paint

July 21, 2011 5:00 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice painting something on a piece of paper, wood, cloth or canvas to shift the moment. It doesn’ t matter what I paint, I will focus my attention on the sound of the brush on the surface and allow myself to get lost in the brush-strokes. I could simply colour in the surface, paint how I feel or try to copy something that is around me. Painting is great because I can start it and then come back to it later. When things get stressful or distressing, I can return to the artwork and add to it or I can start a new one if I am feeling completely different. This will give me some brief valuable ‘ me’ time in my day where I can distract myself from what’ s going in my day or a moment. This gives my unconscious mind a bit of a rest and sets me up for a moment of safety. I could get a few tubes of acrylic paint for a few dollars each from my local stationary shop. Some emporium style shops have a great range of really cheap paints, brushes, papers and canvases – but really, I can paint on anything. If I keep in mind that I can do a lot with just one colour and I’ ll be able to get started almost straight away. Once I am used to taking a few moments to paint in my everyday life, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting or expressing moments of stress and distress.\r

This week’ s strategy comes from a participant at today’ s RCNet Monthly Forum. We’ ve fleshed it out a bit.

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No. 35: A Longterm Perspective

March 2, 2011 10:42 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will practice tuning into a long-term perspective to shift my mood. When I notice moments of stress, I will take three deep breaths and imagine how I might think and feel about the current situation in five years from now. By making myself aware of how I will feel and think about a particular stressor in 5 years, I will gain a wider perspective of what is happening in the moment to help reduce any unpleasant feelings and thoughts. I will remind myself: This too shall pass. While something can seem very intense, overwhelming or unbearable in the moment, once time has passed the emotional intensity does too. With the passage of time solutions are often found for problems, skills and strengths are further developed, lessons are learned, new connections are made and broken bridges are mended. This week I will think long-term and I will observe what happens when I wait and see what happens. Once I am used to thinking long-term about small, everyday problems, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete to help balance out more intense emotional responses.
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No. 12 – Power Ballads

September 16, 2010 3:25 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week in order attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will spend 5 minutes every day singing along to music. If I can’t find a CD or set of songs to play, I will sing old songs I know off by heart. If I have time on my hands and am feeling anxious or stressed, I will pass some of the time by singing. I can do this alone or with others. Singing has real physical effects which you can use to your advantage. Singing changes the way we are breathing and this alters the level of CO2 in our bloodstreams, which triggers the release of neurotransmitters and creates a sense of elation. Depending on the song you are singing, it can also be a powerful form of self-expression and sense of connection. Singing is a very good way of changing the moment for ourselves. Once I’ve gotten used to spending some time singing, I will add ‘Power Ballads’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy to shift my mood when I am feeling distressed.
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