Engage Aotearoa

No 28: Have a Beautiful Day

January 12, 2011 7:51 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will have a beautiful day. I will plan an entire day that will be beautiful to me. I will plan a beautiful way to wake up, spend my morning, afternoon and evening and a beautiful way to go to sleep. I might start by thinking about some things I really enjoy to incorporate into the day, like my ideal breakfast or favourite music. I will fill the day with beauty for all five of my senses and my mind as well. It could be nice to share parts of it with people I enjoy too. No matter what I choose to do, I will pay attention to the beauty that is around me and seek out beautiful places to rest my attention. I will feel the air on my face. I will stop to notice flowers. I will schedule a date for my beautiful day and then I will set about organising anything I might need. When my day arrives, I will approach each thing I encounter as though it were the first time I had encountered it, with delight in the amazing details. If I can’t do a day, I will do a moment. When I am comfortable giving myself a beautiful day or a beautiful moment, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for shifting stress and distress.
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No. 27: Finding a Kernel Worth Carrying

December 30, 2010 10:56 pm ⋅ 
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice finding a useful lesson in your daily experiences, particularly things that are distressing, stressful or downright regrettable. This exercise is about reminding yourself of two things: firstly, you can create the meaning of the things in your life, and secondly, mistakes are a necessary part of evolving.

Often we dwell on the aspects of experience that could have been better and increase our own distress. Instead of doing that, you can learn something about the strengths you want to develop,  how other people see things and how to cope. You will create meanings that boost you up or strengthen you for the future instead of ones that pull you down. Simply being able to survive some things is a lesson about your own resilience, which will serve you well into the future.

This is about accepting the things that you can and cannot change and making sure that what you carry with you from your experiences is something worth carrying.

Learn to do this by taking some time out to either write in a journal or think about something positive you can take away from the experiences you had each day. You could also talk through the experience and what to take from it with a therapist, trusted friend or whanau member.

This contemplation is a respectful time in which you are your own kind-hearted teacher.

Once you are comfortable thinking about the meaningful, useful lessons you can take from daily situations, add it to your Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for coping with the things that go wrong in your life.
Posted in: Engagement, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: ,

No. 26: Stop Point

December 23, 2010 3:29 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will practice taking a break. This means that for one set period of time I will not do work. I will take a break from all self-criticism and worries about the past/present/future. I can pick them back up again in a week or so if I still want or need them. Whatever my situation happens to be right now, I will take time to do things that are good and fun for me, without pressure to perform to any level or achieve any outcome, other than to take a break. I will actively relax. I will socialise. I will spend some quality time to alone. I will plan a couple of things I’d really like to do or see or try. Wherever I am, I will holiday. Once I am used to taking regular breaks, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for shifting negative moods when they are hard to deal with. Sometimes, we have been pushing ourselves for too long, and taking some time out helps to recharge the batteries.
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No. 25: Bite Sized Chunks

December 15, 2010 8:17 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will break the things I need or want to achieve into a series of easily achievable steps. I will start out by writing a list of things I need or want to get done. I will pick the more important or pressing items on the list and spend some time breaking each of those down into their parts. For example, ‘I need to tidy the house’ would become ‘vacuum the lounge’, ‘clear the surfaces’, ‘fold the washing’ and ‘wash the dishes’. I’ll then plan my week so that I do one or two of the small bite-sized chunks each day. By the end of the week, I’ll be that much closer to my desired end-point. But the main point is that when I start to get stressed out about things, I can remind myself that ‘I have got it under control, life is a work in progress, and I’m on my way‘. I will be able to experience a sense of accomplishment more often, as I tick off each of the small steps I have achieved, instead of having to wait until I reach the final goal. I will be able to trust that I’ll get there in the end. Once I am used to breaking things down into manageable chunks and reminding myself I have done so, I will add the strategy to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping when things seem too hard to tackle. When things start to feel overwhelming or stressful, I will remind myself that all I need to do is the next step, and then the next step, and I’ll make it through in the end.
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No. 24: Future predicting

December 8, 2010 9:16 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will practice noticing when I am predicting the future negatively and get used to balancing those thoughts out. This week, when I notice slight shifts in my mood, I will ask myself whether I am concerned with something that is happening right now or whether I am concerned with something I think will happen later. If it is hard to do in the moment, I will do think about it in hindsight at the end of each day. If I find that my thoughts are mainly focused on future events, I will remind myself that ‘no matter how much I think I know, I cannot truly predict what is yet to come’. I will tell myself “I make the choice to have an open mind, to wait and see what happens”. I will open myself to the new and unknown, instead of jumping ahead to the future and acting/reacting as if that future were present now. I will focus on what is actually present now in the current moment rather than anticipating what could be present in the future or playing out old responses to things I do not want to revisit from the past. By remaining in the present and acting with awareness of it, instead of allowing my thoughts to move to the future, the future becomes much more fruitful. I will reduce the negative power of future-predicting thoughts by allowing for the possibility of different outcomes and ensuring the ‘language’ of my thoughts includes words like ‘maybe’, ‘might’ and ‘could’ rather than using any absolute terms like ‘will’, ‘must’ or ‘always’. This week I leave room for the possibility that things will work out in a way that I can handle. Once I am comfortable with noticing when I am future predicting and holding an open mind, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of self-soothing negative thoughts about the future when I am distressed and finding things tough. [Note: Holding future-predicting thoughts with conviction is especially common in anxiety and depression. They distort perception and work to shape what happens later in a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy that contributes to getting us stuck in a certain emotion and type of experience. We often do this when we think we know how others will react to us or predict that our performance or coping ability will be poor.]
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No. 23: Doodle Through

December 1, 2010 5:12 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will practice using sketching to shift my attention. When I notice I need a break from the current moment, I will doodle in a notebook with a pen or pencil. I will just draw/sketch shapes and colour them in, or trace lines on the page or draw koru or flowers or anything at all. It doesn’t matter what I create, the point is that I will focus my attention on the pen in my hand and the lines I am creating. I will observe how I feel after doing this. I can make this one easier to practice by carrying a small notebook and pen/pencil in my bag or pocket. Once I am comfortable spending a bit of time drawing patterns or shapes in a notebook, I will add the strategy to my Personal Coping Kete for when I want to distract myself from stress or distress. By focusing attention on this simple action instead of the stressful or distressing thoughts, I can take some of the heat out of my emotions and get through the current moment. It’s also a good way to keep my hands busy if I am feeling fidgety or restless, but need to sit still.
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No. 22: Planting An Imaginary Garden

November 24, 2010 4:45 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will practice using visualisation to change the moment. Once a day, I will visualise myself planting and then enjoying my own imaginary garden. My imaginary garden will be my idea of the most perfect garden. This is a private place of my own design. I will plant my favourite flowers, shrubs, herbs, fruit trees, vegetables and any other plants that I have enjoyed at some time. I will start at the beginning by imagining the piece of land that the garden is on and laying out where I want each thing to be. The good thing about an imaginary garden is that we can make things flower well or mature whenever we want them to, without having to worry about things like time or seasons! Each time I come back to the visualisation, I can add something else or I can simply take a walk through the garden, watching things grow or just enjoying what is there. I will imagine the sounds in my garden, perhaps there are birds there or I can simply hear the wind through the trees. I will furnish the garden with any kinds of extras that I may please, I might hang a hammock under one of the mature trees, I might have a river running through the bottom of the garden, whatever I find peaceful and beautiful in nature, I can put in my garden. I will create this peaceful ‘space’ in my imagination and I will return to it when I need a bit of calm or some distraction from the intensity of the moment. Throughout the visualisation I will practice diaphragmatic breathing – deep, soft, slow breaths into my belly. This will help to create a conditioned association between imagining the garden and relaxed breathing, so over time it will become very easy to experience a state of calm when I practice the visualisation. Once the garden is established in my imagination, I can pop in really briefly and get the same kind of benefit. I can do this exercise whether I have a garden or don’t have a garden, because in my imaginary garden I am not constrained by any of the rules or barriers that may be present in the real world. Once I am comfortable using this visualisation to relax, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting moments of stress and distress.
Posted in: Mindful Distraction, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , ,

No. 21: Mind Reading

November 17, 2010 8:10 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will practice noticing myself trying to predict other people’s thoughts and balancing out my predictions. When I notice shifts in my mood I will scan through my thoughts and see if any of the thoughts I’ve been having about the situation were ‘mind-reading’ or focused on what others are thinking. Mind-reading is a common thought distortion where we assume we know what people around us are thinking or feeling. Many people find their distress is being triggered because they assume other people are thinking negative things in relation to them; We might think others are displeased with us or our decisions for example. This week, I will try to notice when/if I am doing this. When I notice a mind-reading thought I will balance it by reminding myself that “I cannot know this for sure, it is just a theory.” I will then come up with two other possible theories for how the people around me are acting/reacting. I will see whether there is any evidence for these other theories. If it is appropriate at the time, I might ask the people around me whether or not they are thinking/feeling the things that I initially thought or feared they were. For example, I might say “hey, I noticed you frowning just then, have I said something to annoy you?” Most of the time, people are going through their own things, and their reactions aren’t 100% about me. Other times, they may have misunderstood something I’ve done or said and by checking it out, I can correct them and let them know my true intentions. And more rarely, I may have actually upset someone, and by checking it out I can apologise and make it right where possible. I can’t please everyone. Once I am used to noticing myself mind-reading and balancing my predictions, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete for moments of stress and distress.
Posted in: Expression & Support, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , ,

No. 20 – Fly Away

November 10, 2010 9:10 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will practice moving my attention away from current problems for a moment by visualising that I can fly. Once a day, I will practice visualising that my body has a sense of lightness about it, as if I can free myself from the constraints of gravity whenever I want. I will imagine that I ‘take off’ from where I stand. I will visualise what my surroundings look like from above. I will soar higher up through the clouds and imagine what they feel like as I fly through them. My clothes might get damp from the moisture held in the clouds but just before I get cold, I will break through to the sunshine above. I will let the warm sun soak into my skin as the light flows over my upturned face. There is no noise up there except for the sound of a soft wind. I know am completely safe and there is no way I can fall. I am in control of where I go and how I move. I fly around for a little while looking at things and then I gently float down to the ground. I will bring this sense of freedom and lightness with me as I return to the current moment. Throughout this exercise, I will keep my breathing deep and slow, as in the diaphragmatic breathing exercise. Once I am familiar with using this visualisation to relax, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy to try soothing or distracting myself from distressing emotions. By turning my attention elsewhere for a moment, I will reduce the intensity of my emotional reaction and give myself space to make a considered response to whatever it is that I am dealing with or reinterpret things.
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No. 19 Normal is Just a Setting on the Washing Machine

November 3, 2010 6:00 pm ⋅ 
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness, in times of stress or distress...



I will give myself compassion by normalising whatever is happening for me right now. I will remind myself that whatever I am experiencing is normal for someone who is sensitive. 

I will practice saying things to myself like "It's normal to feel this way when..." or "It's understandable that I'm having this reaction because..." or "This is a normal response to..."

By normalising my experience, I will be able to give myself the same compassion and understanding that I would give to someone else who was going through the same thing.

Once I am comfortable normalising my experiences, I will add this strategy to my Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.
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