I will give up on trying to get things right. Instead of being concerned with getting the right answer, saying the right thing, doing it right and looking right I will be as open as possible, I will be willing to not get the right answer, to go through the process, rather than jumping ahead to the future. By remaining concerned with ‘being right’, the mind produces excess tensions in the body. When I make the choice to have an open mind, to wait and see what happens and to let whatever happens be okay, it will have a beneficial effect on my body. This week, it does not matter whether I am right or mistaken – it matters that I allow myself the opportunity to try things and relax into myself. I do not need to be on guard all the time to make sure I behave appropriately or am accepted. I can relinquish my control on getting things right, and still survive, still be accepted and still move forward in life. By removing the pressure to do it right, I am more likely to feel comfortable trying things. Once I am used to giving myself permission to be wrong and make mistakes every day, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for balancing distressing thoughts when I need to soothe distressing moods.
No. 38: Giving Up On Getting It Right
I will give up on trying to get things right. Instead of being concerned with getting the right answer, saying the right thing, doing it right and looking right I will be as open as possible, I will be willing to not get the right answer, to go through the process, rather than jumping ahead to the future. By remaining concerned with ‘being right’, the mind produces excess tensions in the body. When I make the choice to have an open mind, to wait and see what happens and to let whatever happens be okay, it will have a beneficial effect on my body. This week, it does not matter whether I am right or mistaken – it matters that I allow myself the opportunity to try things and relax into myself. I do not need to be on guard all the time to make sure I behave appropriately or am accepted. I can relinquish my control on getting things right, and still survive, still be accepted and still move forward in life. By removing the pressure to do it right, I am more likely to feel comfortable trying things. Once I am used to giving myself permission to be wrong and make mistakes every day, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for balancing distressing thoughts when I need to soothe distressing moods.
No. 37: Fears or facts?
I will practice distinguishing between thoughts, feelings and responses that are related to fears and those that are related to facts as I move through my daily life. When I notice shifts in mood, I will ask myself what is driving the reaction. It might help to take some time out to jot down what is running through my mind on a piece of paper. If I realise I am responding to something I fear could be true, I will remind myself that this is a natural thing to fear. I will remind myself, there is often a big difference between what is plausible and what is true. I will then return my thoughts to the facts of the current situation – to the observable pieces of information. This way I can practice keeping my interpretations of events in perspective. When I am used to examining the basis of my thoughts and sifting fear from fact in everyday situations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for times of distress.
No. 36: Using Humour
I will explore humour. This week I make a commitment to comedy and humour. Every day will contain at least one item of comedy or humour – I will watch funny movies, stand-up comedy on Youtube or live comedians on stage. I will read comic strips and cartoons. I will check out some theatre sports. I will read jokes with my friends. I might even try laughter yoga. This week is about creating opportunities for positive emotion. Most importantly, I will laugh at my own falls, foibles and fears – sometimes, it is all you can do. In much the same way, spending a lot of time focused on things that make us frown and cry primes us to experience more negative emotions more readily and more often. Putting that light-hearted stuff into daily life is a crucial balancing point that we so often forget in the rush of living. Once I am familiar with connecting with comedy, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete to distract from and soothe distressing emotions.
No. 35: A Longterm Perspective
I will practice tuning into a long-term perspective to shift my mood. When I notice moments of stress, I will take three deep breaths and imagine how I might think and feel about the current situation in five years from now. By making myself aware of how I will feel and think about a particular stressor in 5 years, I will gain a wider perspective of what is happening in the moment to help reduce any unpleasant feelings and thoughts. I will remind myself: This too shall pass. While something can seem very intense, overwhelming or unbearable in the moment, once time has passed the emotional intensity does too. With the passage of time solutions are often found for problems, skills and strengths are further developed, lessons are learned, new connections are made and broken bridges are mended. This week I will think long-term and I will observe what happens when I wait and see what happens. Once I am used to thinking long-term about small, everyday problems, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete to help balance out more intense emotional responses.
No. 34: Body Scan and Tuning into Your Strength
…practice being mindful of your body with a common exercise called a Body Scan and self-soothing by tuning into all the different ways your body brings you strength and helps you operate in the world, all the way from beating your heart, breathing your breath, walking your legs, and more. Set aside a minute or two to practice each day. Choose a low stress time of the day to practice, when it’ ll be easier for you to try something new. Your thinking mind will start responding to what you notice in your body during the exercise and this can be kind of distressing, but it’ s a normal part of what our minds do. Practice noticing the responses that show up for you, putting it into words to describe it to yourself, and bringing your mind purposefully back to the task at hand. Brief Body Scan Practice: Settle yourself into a comfortable position and close your eyes or let them fall on a spot in front of you. Notice what it feels like to lie or sit there like that. Allow your breath just to breathe itself in its own natural rhythm while you take a few minutes to observe what is happening in your body from your head to your toes. Just check in briefly with each part of your body and describe to yourself in words what sensations you notice – What do you feel in your head… your face… throat… your neck and shoulders… your chest… stomach… your back… buttocks… legs… and your feet? Linger for a moment on each body part and really observe what is there:\r
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- What is the temperature?
- Are there places of tension, pain or discomfort?
- Notice where the sensations begin and end, where are intense spots and where are the edges?
- Where does your body contact with your surroundings or your clothes?
- What urges are present as you notice these sensations?
- Notice that there is not just one sensation, there are sensations within sensations
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\r As you do this, you will start to notice other thoughts pulling you away from the moment. Practice observing and describe these to yourself too, in the most neutral terms you can find, and come back to scanning the sensations in your body from head to toe as your breath simply breathes itself. Notice what happens to the sensations in your body as you breathe in and out. Notice how there are these sensations here in your body, and there you are noticing it. You can notice it without being caught in it. Our thoughts, feelings, and physical responses are like weather, and this part of us noticing it, is like the sky. No matter how big the weather gets, the sky remains unchanged above it. Notice how there are these sensations here in your body, and there you are noticing it. You can notice it without being caught in it. Our thoughts, feelings, and physical responses are like weather, and this part of us noticing it, is like the sky. No matter how big the weather gets, the sky remains unchanged above it. It’ s often easier to learn how to do a mindful body scan when you have a voice to guide you and you can find some websites and apps with recorded exercises in the Online Resources Pack here. Strength Self-Talk: Once you have checked in with your whole body, practice talking yourself through everything your body allows you to do and does for you to keep you alive and moving through the world For example: ‘here I am in my body, with this skeleton that keeps my head connected to my neck and my feet connected to the ground, my shoulders are holding me up, my arms are working, my heart is beating, my mind is thinking, I am breathing, my stomach is digesting my food, my eyes allow me to see, I can move my arms/legs/fingers/toes when I want to.’ Finish up by reminding yourself that “no matter how I feel, I can still compel my muscles to move” and then test this out for yourself by giving yourself a little stretch, maybe shrugging your shoulders, making a fist with your hands, and wriggling your toes in your shoes. As you do this, practice taking deep breaths through your nose, into your belly and out through loosely pursed lips and observing and describing the thoughts that distract you while you go. Even when we face challenges, disabilities, and impairments, we still have bodies full of strength and survival skills that we can rely on and which we have relied on to get us through until now. This strategy is all about deliberately bringing our attention to these most basic of things we can rely on in this moment right now. Be careful not to use this to try to ignore or minimise your own real challenges, that’ s not going to be very comforting at all. \r When you are comfortable with the brief body scan and strength self-talk, add it to your Personal Coping Kete as a way soothing anxious or distressing thoughts. No matter what level of disaster or disarray is happening, you will be able to use this strategy to ground yourself in your body and remind yourself of your power to move and survive. This can help us tell ourselves “I can handle this,” and start to believe it.
No. 33: Moving Into It
I will practice coping with the things I don’t want to think about by scheduling short moments in each day when I will deliberately think about them for a few minutes. This week I will focus on living the lesson behind the saying “I cannot leave until I first allow myself to arrive.” Rather than avoiding or constantly moving away from certain thoughts and feelings, I will move into them, so that I can practice letting them leave. For a few minutes I will make myself aware of the different memories, thoughts and feelings I have been holding off. I will observe them pass through my mind and body as they come and go, by describing them to myself in my head. I will practice feeding myself comforting and encouraging self-statements throughout the exercise, ultimately making this an experience of self-compassion and care. I will then turn to my next task. Once I am used to deliberately observing the thoughts and memories that distress me and comforting myself, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of working through what is bothering me in moments of distress.
No. 32: An interesting day
I will plan interesting days into my week. This week, every second day is going to be an interest day. I will make sure that I do, talk about, watch or read interesting things. I will approach each present moment with the mindful curiosity and inquisitiveness that I was born approaching the world with. I will find out things I have wondered about or connect with old hobbies. This might take some planning. It’s easy to fall out of step with what actually does interest us. My first interest day might need to involve exploring what I find interesting. I could use the internet, the Engage Online Resources Sheet or Community Resources Directory or my local library as places to find things that will absorb me. Or talk to a friend to come up with ideas. They might even want to join me. Regardless of what I do or where I find myself, I will take interest in what is around me. If I can’t do a day, I will do a moment. Once I have gotten comfortable having Interest Days I will add them to my Personal Coping Kete as an engagement strategy for times when my mood needs a lift and my thoughts need to shift.
No. 31: Getting Sensory
I will take 15-30 minutes at night to practice sensory modulation as a way to relax and unwind before bed. Sensory modulation is a way of regulating how you feel through your senses by making pleasant changes to your surroundings. This means putting some quiet, soothing music on, dimming the lights or lighting candles, and sitting somewhere comfortable with a snug, heavy blanket across my knees. It means just spending some time focusing my mind on the safe, content sensations of the blanket on my lap, the couch beneath me, the fabric under my hands, the calm lighting and the soothing music. I can return my mind to this state in memory whenever I need to. Once I am familiar with using sensory modulation to relax on a regular basis, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting distressing moments.
No. 30: The Half-Smile
I will practice the DBT half-smile. The half-smile involves curving just one side of the mouth up. It might feel silly to begin with, but smiling, even just a little bit in this way, can actually help to lighten negative moods. Smiling releases feel-good neurotransmitters, and who knows, maybe my half-smile will turn into a full smile a few times too! This week I will try to practice the half-smile at least three times a day. I will observe how my moods and thoughts responded. Did it make me laugh? Did it stop my thoughts for a second? Once I am used to the Half Smile I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to try when I am feeling low.
No. 29: Having a Bad Day
I will let it be okay to have a bad day. Bad days and negative feelings happen; but they don’t need to take over. This week, when I am having a bad day or moment, instead of withdrawing into myself, I will seek out other people. I won’t force myself to be happy or extroverted around them, I can be however I feel, but that doesn’t mean I need to experience it by myself. I don’t even need to talk about my bad day if I don’t want to. This is about connection and meaningful distraction, giving ourselves what we need, even when we don’t feel like it. Being around other people is sometimes what we need to pull ourselves out into a wider perspective. This week I will practice being around others when I notice shifts in my energy. I will observe how different kinds of contact affects me. Once I am comfortable being around other people even when I have low energy, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for mindfully distracting myself from unwanted thoughts and feelings.






