Engage Aotearoa

Category Archives: Self-soothing

No. 34: Body Scan and Tuning into Your Strength

This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing when you are stressed, pressed or distressed… Coping Kete…practice being mindful of your body with a common exercise called a Body Scan and self-soothing by tuning into all the different ways your body brings you strength and helps you operate in the world, all the way from beating your heart, breathing your breath, walking your legs, and more. Set aside a minute or two to practice each day. Choose a low stress time of the day to practice, when it’ ll be easier for you to try something new. Your thinking mind will start responding to what you notice in your body during the exercise and this can be kind of distressing, but it’ s a normal part of what our minds do. Practice noticing the responses that show up for you, putting it into words to describe it to yourself, and bringing your mind purposefully back to the task at hand. Brief Body Scan Practice: Settle yourself into a comfortable position and close your eyes or let them fall on a spot in front of you. Notice what it feels like to lie or sit there like that. Allow your breath just to breathe itself in its own natural rhythm while you take a few minutes to observe what is happening in your body from your head to your toes. Just check in briefly with each part of your body and describe to yourself in words what sensations you notice – What do you feel in your head… your face… throat… your neck and shoulders… your chest… stomach… your back… buttocks… legs… and your feet? Linger for a moment on each body part and really observe what is there:\r

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  • What is the temperature?
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  • Are there places of tension, pain or discomfort?
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  • Notice where the sensations begin and end, where are intense spots and where are the edges?
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  • Where does your body contact with your surroundings or your clothes?
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  • What urges are present as you notice these sensations?
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  • Notice that there is not just one sensation, there are sensations within sensations
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\r As you do this, you will start to notice other thoughts pulling you away from the moment. Practice observing and describe these to yourself too, in the most neutral terms you can find, and come back to scanning the sensations in your body from head to toe as your breath simply breathes itself. Notice what happens to the sensations in your body as you breathe in and out. Notice how there are these sensations here in your body, and there you are noticing it. You can notice it without being caught in it. Our thoughts, feelings, and physical responses are like weather, and this part of us noticing it, is like the sky. No matter how big the weather gets, the sky remains unchanged above it. Notice how there are these sensations here in your body, and there you are noticing it. You can notice it without being caught in it. Our thoughts, feelings, and physical responses are like weather, and this part of us noticing it, is like the sky. No matter how big the weather gets, the sky remains unchanged above it. It’ s often easier to learn how to do a mindful body scan when you have a voice to guide you and you can find some websites and apps with recorded exercises in the Online Resources Pack here. Strength Self-Talk: Once you have checked in with your whole body, practice talking yourself through everything your body allows you to do and does for you to keep you alive and moving through the world For example: ‘here I am in my body, with this skeleton that keeps my head connected to my neck and my feet connected to the ground, my shoulders are holding me up, my arms are working, my heart is beating, my mind is thinking, I am breathing, my stomach is digesting my food, my eyes allow me to see, I can move my arms/legs/fingers/toes when I want to.’ Finish up by reminding yourself that “no matter how I feel, I can still compel my muscles to move” and then test this out for yourself by giving yourself a little stretch, maybe shrugging your shoulders, making a fist with your hands, and wriggling your toes in your shoes. As you do this, practice taking deep breaths through your nose, into your belly and out through loosely pursed lips and observing and describing the thoughts that distract you while you go. Even when we face challenges, disabilities, and impairments, we still have bodies full of strength and survival skills that we can rely on and which we have relied on to get us through until now. This strategy is all about deliberately bringing our attention to these most basic of things we can rely on in this moment right now. Be careful not to use this to try to ignore or minimise your own real challenges, that’ s not going to be very comforting at all. \r When you are comfortable with the brief body scan and strength self-talk, add it to your Personal Coping Kete as a way soothing anxious or distressing thoughts. No matter what level of disaster or disarray is happening, you will be able to use this strategy to ground yourself in your body and remind yourself of your power to move and survive. This can help us tell ourselves “I can handle this,” and start to believe it.

No. 33: Moving Into It

This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will practice coping with the things I don’t want to think about by scheduling short moments in each day when I will deliberately think about them for a few minutes. This week I will focus on living the lesson behind the saying “I cannot leave until I first allow myself to arrive.” Rather than avoiding or constantly moving away from certain thoughts and feelings, I will move into them, so that I can practice letting them leave. For a few minutes I will make myself aware of the different memories, thoughts and feelings I have been holding off. I will observe them pass through my mind and body as they come and go, by describing them to myself in my head. I will practice feeding myself comforting and encouraging self-statements throughout the exercise, ultimately making this an experience of self-compassion and care. I will then turn to my next task. Once I am used to deliberately observing the thoughts and memories that distress me and comforting myself, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of working through what is bothering me in moments of distress.

No. 31: Getting Sensory

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness … Coping Kete I will take 15-30 minutes at night to practice sensory modulation as a way to relax and unwind before bed. Sensory modulation is a way of regulating how you feel through your senses by making pleasant changes to your surroundings. This means putting some quiet, soothing music on, dimming the lights or lighting candles, and sitting somewhere comfortable with a snug, heavy blanket across my knees. It means just spending some time focusing my mind on the safe, content sensations of the blanket on my lap, the couch beneath me, the fabric under my hands, the calm lighting and the soothing music. I can return my mind to this state in memory whenever I need to. Once I am familiar with using sensory modulation to relax on a regular basis, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting distressing moments.

No. 30: The Half-Smile

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness, when I get stressed, pressed or distressed… Coping Kete I will practice the DBT half-smile. The half-smile involves curving just one side of the mouth up. It might feel silly to begin with, but smiling, even just a little bit in this way, can actually help to lighten negative moods. Smiling releases feel-good neurotransmitters, and who knows, maybe my half-smile will turn into a full smile a few times too! This week I will try to practice the half-smile at least three times a day. I will observe how my moods and thoughts responded. Did it make me laugh? Did it stop my thoughts for a second? Once I am used to the Half Smile I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to try when I am feeling low.

No. 27: Finding a Kernel Worth Carrying

This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice finding a useful lesson in your daily experiences, particularly things that are distressing, stressful or downright regrettable. This exercise is about reminding yourself of two things: firstly, you can create the meaning of the things in your life, and secondly, mistakes are a necessary part of evolving.

Often we dwell on the aspects of experience that could have been better and increase our own distress. Instead of doing that, you can learn something about the strengths you want to develop,  how other people see things and how to cope. You will create meanings that boost you up or strengthen you for the future instead of ones that pull you down. Simply being able to survive some things is a lesson about your own resilience, which will serve you well into the future.

This is about accepting the things that you can and cannot change and making sure that what you carry with you from your experiences is something worth carrying.

Learn to do this by taking some time out to either write in a journal or think about something positive you can take away from the experiences you had each day. You could also talk through the experience and what to take from it with a therapist, trusted friend or whanau member.

This contemplation is a respectful time in which you are your own kind-hearted teacher.

Once you are comfortable thinking about the meaningful, useful lessons you can take from daily situations, add it to your Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for coping with the things that go wrong in your life.

No. 25: Bite Sized Chunks

This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will break the things I need or want to achieve into a series of easily achievable steps. I will start out by writing a list of things I need or want to get done. I will pick the more important or pressing items on the list and spend some time breaking each of those down into their parts. For example, ‘I need to tidy the house’ would become ‘vacuum the lounge’, ‘clear the surfaces’, ‘fold the washing’ and ‘wash the dishes’. I’ll then plan my week so that I do one or two of the small bite-sized chunks each day. By the end of the week, I’ll be that much closer to my desired end-point. But the main point is that when I start to get stressed out about things, I can remind myself that ‘I have got it under control, life is a work in progress, and I’m on my way‘. I will be able to experience a sense of accomplishment more often, as I tick off each of the small steps I have achieved, instead of having to wait until I reach the final goal. I will be able to trust that I’ll get there in the end. Once I am used to breaking things down into manageable chunks and reminding myself I have done so, I will add the strategy to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping when things seem too hard to tackle. When things start to feel overwhelming or stressful, I will remind myself that all I need to do is the next step, and then the next step, and I’ll make it through in the end.

No. 24: Future predicting

This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will practice noticing when I am predicting the future negatively and get used to balancing those thoughts out. This week, when I notice slight shifts in my mood, I will ask myself whether I am concerned with something that is happening right now or whether I am concerned with something I think will happen later. If it is hard to do in the moment, I will do think about it in hindsight at the end of each day. If I find that my thoughts are mainly focused on future events, I will remind myself that ‘no matter how much I think I know, I cannot truly predict what is yet to come’. I will tell myself “I make the choice to have an open mind, to wait and see what happens”. I will open myself to the new and unknown, instead of jumping ahead to the future and acting/reacting as if that future were present now. I will focus on what is actually present now in the current moment rather than anticipating what could be present in the future or playing out old responses to things I do not want to revisit from the past. By remaining in the present and acting with awareness of it, instead of allowing my thoughts to move to the future, the future becomes much more fruitful. I will reduce the negative power of future-predicting thoughts by allowing for the possibility of different outcomes and ensuring the ‘language’ of my thoughts includes words like ‘maybe’, ‘might’ and ‘could’ rather than using any absolute terms like ‘will’, ‘must’ or ‘always’. This week I leave room for the possibility that things will work out in a way that I can handle. Once I am comfortable with noticing when I am future predicting and holding an open mind, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of self-soothing negative thoughts about the future when I am distressed and finding things tough. [Note: Holding future-predicting thoughts with conviction is especially common in anxiety and depression. They distort perception and work to shape what happens later in a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy that contributes to getting us stuck in a certain emotion and type of experience. We often do this when we think we know how others will react to us or predict that our performance or coping ability will be poor.]

No. 22: Planting An Imaginary Garden

This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will practice using visualisation to change the moment. Once a day, I will visualise myself planting and then enjoying my own imaginary garden. My imaginary garden will be my idea of the most perfect garden. This is a private place of my own design. I will plant my favourite flowers, shrubs, herbs, fruit trees, vegetables and any other plants that I have enjoyed at some time. I will start at the beginning by imagining the piece of land that the garden is on and laying out where I want each thing to be. The good thing about an imaginary garden is that we can make things flower well or mature whenever we want them to, without having to worry about things like time or seasons! Each time I come back to the visualisation, I can add something else or I can simply take a walk through the garden, watching things grow or just enjoying what is there. I will imagine the sounds in my garden, perhaps there are birds there or I can simply hear the wind through the trees. I will furnish the garden with any kinds of extras that I may please, I might hang a hammock under one of the mature trees, I might have a river running through the bottom of the garden, whatever I find peaceful and beautiful in nature, I can put in my garden. I will create this peaceful ‘space’ in my imagination and I will return to it when I need a bit of calm or some distraction from the intensity of the moment. Throughout the visualisation I will practice diaphragmatic breathing – deep, soft, slow breaths into my belly. This will help to create a conditioned association between imagining the garden and relaxed breathing, so over time it will become very easy to experience a state of calm when I practice the visualisation. Once the garden is established in my imagination, I can pop in really briefly and get the same kind of benefit. I can do this exercise whether I have a garden or don’t have a garden, because in my imaginary garden I am not constrained by any of the rules or barriers that may be present in the real world. Once I am comfortable using this visualisation to relax, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting moments of stress and distress.

No. 21: Mind Reading

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will practice noticing myself trying to predict other people’s thoughts and balancing out my predictions. When I notice shifts in my mood I will scan through my thoughts and see if any of the thoughts I’ve been having about the situation were ‘mind-reading’ or focused on what others are thinking. Mind-reading is a common thought distortion where we assume we know what people around us are thinking or feeling. Many people find their distress is being triggered because they assume other people are thinking negative things in relation to them; We might think others are displeased with us or our decisions for example. This week, I will try to notice when/if I am doing this. When I notice a mind-reading thought I will balance it by reminding myself that “I cannot know this for sure, it is just a theory.” I will then come up with two other possible theories for how the people around me are acting/reacting. I will see whether there is any evidence for these other theories. If it is appropriate at the time, I might ask the people around me whether or not they are thinking/feeling the things that I initially thought or feared they were. For example, I might say “hey, I noticed you frowning just then, have I said something to annoy you?” Most of the time, people are going through their own things, and their reactions aren’t 100% about me. Other times, they may have misunderstood something I’ve done or said and by checking it out, I can correct them and let them know my true intentions. And more rarely, I may have actually upset someone, and by checking it out I can apologise and make it right where possible. I can’t please everyone. Once I am used to noticing myself mind-reading and balancing my predictions, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete for moments of stress and distress.

No. 19 Normal is Just a Setting on the Washing Machine

This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness, in times of stress or distress...



I will give myself compassion by normalising whatever is happening for me right now. I will remind myself that whatever I am experiencing is normal for someone who is sensitive.

I will practice saying things to myself like "It's normal to feel this way when..." or "It's understandable that I'm having this reaction because..." or "This is a normal response to..."

By normalising my experience, I will be able to give myself the same compassion and understanding that I would give to someone else who was going through the same thing.

Once I am comfortable normalising my experiences, I will add this strategy to my Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.