Engage Aotearoa

Category Archives: Self-soothing

No. 51: Building a Body that is Prepared to Cope

June 30, 2011 5:10 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… I will build my resilience to stress and distress by making sure that I am meeting my physical needs. I will regularly go through the following mental check-list of physical needs I may need to address in the moment. There are a range of physical states that can trigger or exacerbate negative emotions and stress responses. The Mental Check-List\r

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  1. Am I thirsty right now? If yes, I will go and sip a glass of water.

    2. \r

  2. Am I hungry right now? If yes, I will go and eat something.

    3. \r

  3. Am I tired right now? If yes, I will get some rest or do something physical to energise myself.

    4. \r

  4. Are my muscles tense or aching right now? If yes, I will move around or do some stretches.

    5. \r

\r If I am unable to take steps to address an area of need, I will have compassion and understanding for the way that this need will be affecting my emotions, until I am able to take care of it. I will let the people around me know that I am being affected by it so they can understand why I might be a bit short-fused or on edge. Once my physical needs are addressed, I will be ready to deal with the challenges of the situation and engage in any other self-soothing or help-seeking as needed. When I am comfortable with running through the mental check-list and meeting my physical needs, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for lifting my mood in times of stress and distress.

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No. 50: Holding Up An Imaginary Mirror

June 23, 2011 4:58 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will practice valuing myself. In a quiet moment each morning, I will sit down and hold up an imaginary hand-mirror in front of my face. I will visualise my own face looking back at me. Allowing myself to become aware of how I usually talk to myself when I look in the mirror, I will smile at the picture of myself that I have imagined before me. I will tell this imaginary reflection of myself “I love and value you.” I will carry this sentiment with me throughout my day. Each time I feel stressed, pressed or distressed, I will return to this visualisation in my mind, reminding myself that ‘I love and value myself’ so I can act accordingly. No matter what happens, it will be okay in the end, because I will love and value myself. Whenever I look in an actual mirror, I will say the words directly to myself. Or some other version of the same sentiment: I am enough. Once I am familiar with sending myself messages of self-worth, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of talking myself through moments when I am stressed or distressed.
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No. 48: Count On Mindful Distraction

June 9, 2011 11:31 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… "" I will use mindful distraction to allow emotions to pass. I will practice turning my attention outside of myself by counting the number of colours around me, then the number of shapes around me and then the number of textures around me. As I go, I will tune into the sensations I experience as I notice different shapes, colours and textures. This is a simple exercise, it may not seem like it could do much. But this is a powerful way of letting go of current distress so that something else can flow in. Once I am used to shifting my attention to the basics of my surroundings, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for pulling myself out of intense moments when I need to reduce the intensity.
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No. 47: Creating Mini Celebrations

June 2, 2011 5:47 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… "" I will create space to celebrate my achievements and practice being aware of my strengths, by setting small goals and acknowledging when I reach them. I will make a list of all of the little things I need to do each day during the week. I will put this list somewhere I can see it and plan the items into my schedule. At the end of each day, I will tick or cross off the things that I did and congratulate myself for the achievement. I will talk about some of the achievements with other people. Even the smallest of activities like eating meals, going for a walk or sometimes even getting out of bed, take skills and awareness that deserve acknowledgement, even if that is a simple silent acknowledgement to myself. By building my awareness of the positive things I do each day I will build my sense of being able to handle whatever comes my way. When I feel anxious or stressed, I will be able to recall these times of small mastery. This week I will create this daily opportunity to appreciate the things I do. I will not use the list an excuse to berate myself for any of the things that I did not do. Once I am comfortable with the practice of creating the opportunity for mini-celebrations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to make sure I am doing during times of stress and distress.
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No. 46: Tuning Into Your Self-Supporter

May 26, 2011 12:17 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… "" This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… I will congratulate or praise myself for each thing that goes even a tiny bit well. We are so often so quick to let our self-critic remind us of everything we’ve fallen down on or that has gone wrong and we can lose sight of what our strengths and contributions really are. This week I will let my self-supporter reign free. I will acknowledge the good things I do and am a part of. For example, if someone smiles at me, I’ll be all “look at me making that person smile!” in my head. In this way, throughout my day I will acknowledge my value and my strengths, and also increase the enjoyment associated with each positive. This week is simple – I am going to notice, name and value my strengths, positive contributions and moments of capability, the big ones and the really small, everyday ones, like making someone smile. Once I am comfortable noticing my strengths, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a self-soothing strategy for times of distress. When I find myself feeling anxious or stressed, I will recall these moments of praise and acknowledgement that I have given myself to balance out my inner critic.
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No. 44: Making New Automatic Thoughts

May 11, 2011 11:15 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will begin practicing how to replace unwanted automatic thoughts with balanced alternatives that better serve me in the moment. First, I will spend a couple of days noticing which automatic thoughts seem to pop into my head repeatedly. At the end of each day I will write down the most repetitive automatic thoughts I had that day. If I already know which automatic thoughts are most repetitive, I can skip this first step. Once I know which thoughts I want to change, I will prepare alternative statements that I can use to counter those unwanted automatic thoughts when they pop into my head. Whenever I hear myself thinking one of the unwanted automatic thoughts, I will say the balancing thought to myself, either in my head or out loud if I want to. The more I am able to practice saying the new balancing thought to myself, the more automatic it will become. Over time, I will be able to teach myself a new more balanced way of responding in the moment. In the moment, a balanced way of thinking will soothe my sense of distress, provided I am able to believe the balancing statement I give myself. For example, a really common repetitive automatic thought is “I can’t do this.” This is a thought that can pop into a head in almost any difficult situation and increase how distressing it is. A possible balancing statement is – ‘This could be tricky, I just need to put one foot in front of the other.’ Each time I hear myself think ‘I can’t do this’ I will say my prepared balancing statement to myself instead. It is really important to make the balancing statements ones that I can believe and agree with. Otherwise the exercise seems contrived and unnatural – it is likely to feel weird anyway, because the balancing thoughts are new ones. It is very common for people to make balancing statements that are more about what they think they should think, rather than what they really could believe to be true. Note: As balancing statements are generally new, they do feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable to practice, even if you have selected one that you believe in 100%. It will be important to persevere through this feeling of unfamiliarity before the balancing thought will start to feel comfortable to hold for yourself. Alternatively, feeling uncomfortable saying the statement may be an indication that it is not something you really can believe yet and perhaps the statement needs to be changed a bit. Once I have become comfortable doing this activity of noticing my thoughts and countering them with balanced statements I believe, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to try during moments of stress and distress when I want to connect with a different way of thinking about things.
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No. 41: Snug

April 20, 2011 6:52 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will spend 10 minutes each evening, somewhere comfortable, wrapped in a feather duvet or other really snuggly blanket. I might turn the lights down or light some candles and play some quiet, relaxing music or enjoy some silence. This is ten minutes for comfort – I will focus my mind on all of the sensations of comfort in this moment by observing and describing them to myself. When my mind wanders onto concerns of the day, I will gently turn my thoughts back to the sensation of being enfolded in the warm blanket and each of the places where it touches my body. No matter how I have been feeling, I will allow myself this time of calm and comfort. By giving myself regular, unconditional comfort, I will create a more nurturing relationship with myself. Once I am comfortable with giving myself regular moments of comfort, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for self-soothing when things get tough.
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No 39: Tuning into Grey-Scale Thinking

March 30, 2011 10:08 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will practice choosing to see all the shades of grey in each situation, rather than focusing on the black and white. This week I give up on absolutes. I will catch thoughts that contain words like ‘always’ or ‘never’ or ‘should’ or ‘have to’ and replace them with words like ‘sometimes’, ‘could’ or ‘might’. I will consider alternative ways of viewing things and leave room for the possibility that one of the more positive perspectives could be true. I will allow the good to exist side-by-side with the bad, without letting one cancel the other out. Once I am comfortable thinking about everyday situations in greyscale terms, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing intense emotional responses to unwanted situations.
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No. 37: Fears or facts?

March 16, 2011 8:33 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will practice distinguishing between thoughts, feelings and responses that are related to fears and those that are related to facts as I move through my daily life. When I notice shifts in mood, I will ask myself what is driving the reaction. It might help to take some time out to jot down what is running through my mind on a piece of paper. If I realise I am responding to something I fear could be true, I will remind myself that this is a natural thing to fear. I will remind myself, there is often a big difference between what is plausible and what is true. I will then return my thoughts to the facts of the current situation – to the observable pieces of information. This way I can practice keeping my interpretations of events in perspective. When I am used to examining the basis of my thoughts and sifting fear from fact in everyday situations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for times of distress.
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No. 35: A Longterm Perspective

March 2, 2011 10:42 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will practice tuning into a long-term perspective to shift my mood. When I notice moments of stress, I will take three deep breaths and imagine how I might think and feel about the current situation in five years from now. By making myself aware of how I will feel and think about a particular stressor in 5 years, I will gain a wider perspective of what is happening in the moment to help reduce any unpleasant feelings and thoughts. I will remind myself: This too shall pass. While something can seem very intense, overwhelming or unbearable in the moment, once time has passed the emotional intensity does too. With the passage of time solutions are often found for problems, skills and strengths are further developed, lessons are learned, new connections are made and broken bridges are mended. This week I will think long-term and I will observe what happens when I wait and see what happens. Once I am used to thinking long-term about small, everyday problems, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete to help balance out more intense emotional responses.
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