Engage Aotearoa

Category Archives: Self-soothing

No. 118: Declare a Peace Treaty with the Moment

November 3, 2012 2:41 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing … Coping Kete… I will practice mindful distraction and self-soothing by regularly pausing and declaring a peace treaty with the current moment. When I declare a peace treaty with a moment, that means I am committing to spend a moment in peace before moving on to my next experience of the day. I will surrender whatever is on my mind for a moment and peacefully engage my attention in my surroundings. This week, when I am in between tasks, I will practice saying to myself either silently or out loud “I declare a peace treaty with this moment.” I will then take a minute or more to ground myself peacefully in the current moment before I move on to the next task before me. Declaring a peace treaty with a moment means that for this moment I will interact with myself and my surroundings in a kind, calm way. I will take 10 slow, deep breaths while I stop and mindfully observe my current surroundings. As I notice thoughts about the past or the future surfacing, I will remind myself of my peace treaty with this moment and turn my attention back to my peaceful breathing and the space around me in this current moment. In accordance with my peace treaty, if I notice critical or judgemental thoughts, I will say something kind or accepting to myself to soothe them. I will then bring my attention back to my breathing and observing my current surroundings. In this way, I will practice giving myself times of relaxation and release from worrying or critical self-talk. By practicing breathing at the same time, I will be able to return to the next task of the day with a clearer mind and calmer mood. Each time I find myself in between tasks, I will stop and practice declaring a peace treaty with the moment again. Throughout the week I will experiment with different ways of doing it until I find what works well for me. I will keep a record of the things that make it tricky and how to respond to them differently next time, so I can start to build a good list of what a Peace Treaty with the Moment looks like and involves for me. Once I have become familiar with the practice of declaring a peace treaty with a moment and taking some time to be present and kind to myself in between ordinary, daily tasks, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete for times when I find myself struggling against stress and distress. I will be able to declare a peace treaty with the difficult moment, disengage from feelings of conflict and take some time out to send myself some mindful messages of calm and compassion before I respond. _ _ _ _ Acknowledgement: This mindfulness strategy was inspired by Thich Naht Hanh’ s Peace Treaty method for communication during conflict. Thich Naht Hanh is known for creating the Engaged Buddhism movement and popularising mindfulness in the Western world.
Posted in: Mindful Distraction, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , , , ,

No. 117: Allowing Room for Hope

October 25, 2012 12:25 pm ⋅ 
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing...



I will practice allowing myself room to hope for the best. When I find myself catastrophizing or assuming the worst, I will pause and remind myself that I don't know what will happen.

I will practice saying to myself: "I don't know what will happen, but I can hope for the best" or "Things might work out better than I expect" or "it's possible that things could be okay" or "it's possible I will be able to handle it."

By allowing myself to hope for the best, I will be able to reduce my anxiety and open myself up to positive possibilities.

Once I am comfortable with this practice, I will add Allowing Myself Room to Hope for the Best to my Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.
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No. 116: A Moment for Self-Care

October 19, 2012 4:13 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will practice using small moments of self-care to create positive experiences in my day. Self-care is the act of caring for myself by meeting my basic needs for food and water, movement, fresh air, sunlight, stillness, and physical care. I will spend some time every morning and evening focused on a self-care activity from one of these categories. I will start out by making a list of activities I like for each kind of self-care first and then use my diary to plan which activities I will do each morning and night. I might even add to these categories if I want to, I could add ‘ Connection’ or ‘ Noise’ or any other kind of activity that I feel fits with my idea of what my ‘ basic needs’ are.
For example:

Food and water

Sit down and eat breakfast
Take time to prepare lunch
Make something really healthy for dinner
Eat a favourite food
Stop to drink a glass of water

Movement

Dance to music in my room
Go to a ‘No Lights No Lycra’ event
Do some yoga stretches
Take mini-breaks to stroll round the room

Fresh air

Pause and do some belly-breathing
Stand outside and breathe deep for a moment
Pop my head out an open window

Sunlight

Read a book in the sun
Do some gardening
Eat lunch outside

Stillness

Go to bed early to read a book
Light some candles and listen to chill-out music
Paint something on that blank canvas I have sitting around

Physical care

Make one of the spaces in my house nice to be in
Cleanse and moisturise my face
Wash and brush my hair
Wear something that feels good to be in

As I do each activity I will focus all my attention on the task at hand, being aware as I go that I am making a simple gesture of caring to myself. As I move through the week, I will be mindful of how I am affected by my moments of self-care so I can tell which activities work to shift my mood and whether I want to adjust them at all. Once I am comfortable purposefully doing self-care activities on a regular basis and have found some that boost my mood, I will add them to my Personal Coping Kete and use ‘ A Moment of Self-Care’ as a way of nurturing and valuing myself during times of stress and distress.

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No. 115: Noticing My Small Contributions to Others

October 13, 2012 7:54 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will actively recall times I have been kind, giving or friendly towards other people and practice noticing the good bits about myself. Each morning or the night before I will jot down a few times I can remember myself being good to others, they could be recent, historical or a mix of both. Then I will practice reminding myself of these small contributions to others throughout the day. As I move through the day during the week, I will take moments to pause and mentally run through my list of past examples as a reminder of my good intentions and value to those around me. This week, I will practice noticing the positive effects I have on others and in so doing, I will practice building my sense of self-worth and valuing even my smallest contributions. If I notice my mind wandering onto times when I have not had a positive effect on others, I will notice those thoughts and compassionately bring my mind back to the exercise of recalling interactions in which I have been kind, caring, friendly, supportive or helpful to another person. I am more than my mistakes. Once I am familiar with the task of remembering and noticing my past and current positive contributions on a daily basis, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a self-soothing strategy for times of distress when I notice I am devaluing myself and my place in my community.
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No. 109: Create Something Simple to Have Faith in

August 11, 2012 6:59 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will practice coping with uncertainty by creating a simple vision for the future that I can have faith in achieving and then reminding myself of it on a regular basis. First of all, I will think of the simple things I would like to see in my future. I will make sure I think of positive and realistic things, that I could have faith in achieving or maintaining if I put my mind to it. I could list things like being close to my family, a safe place to live, regular healthy meals or a daily routine I enjoy. Second, I will visualise or imagine what a day would look and feel like in that future. I will try my best to bring a realistic and detailed picture of it into my mind, from waking up in the morning to going to bed at night. Finally, I will write down all of the things I imagined I did and experienced as part of that day. As I move through my week, I will regularly bring my mind back to that simple vision of my future and remind myself that no matter where I am now, my vision of the future is where I will one day be. If I find this hard, I might set an alarm on my phone to remind me to spend a moment visualising it. Whenever I can, I will mindfully do what I imagined I would do in the course of a day in my vision of the future. In this way, I really can have faith that I will gradually get there and I will give myself small bits of evidence that helps me have hope every day. When I am familiar with creating a simple vision and visualising it throughout the day, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for self-soothing and engagement in times of stress, distress or mental unwellness. When I am finding it hard to have hope, I will focus my attention on creating something I can have hope in. By spending time visualising a positive picture of my future and reminding myself of the small things I can do to achieve it, I can actively balance any worried thoughts I might be having about how things are going to turn out and leave room for the possibility that everything will turn out okay in the end.
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No. 108: Hum

August 9, 2012 10:39 am ⋅ 
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing...


...practice humming as a way to calm your nervous system and shift your mood. Hum simple, familiar tunes (lullabies are great for this) or just make humming sounds, mindfully focusing your attention on the vibration and the rhythm, to take a break from distressing thoughts and feelings, activate your parasympathetic nervous system and create a sense of calm and safety.

Humming is a way to slow our breathing without focusing on our breathing, which is great for people who start to feel like they can't breathe when they are paying attention to their breathing. Humming ensures a nice long out-breath, which gives our bodies calming bio-feedback and changes the CO2 concentration in our blood, which also has a calming effect. Humming slow, soothing kinds of songs like lullabies produces vestibular input through our inner ears and is a way of modulating our sensory input in a calming way too. Humming is a very simple action that does a lot!   

Once you are comfortable with this practice, add Hum to your Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.
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No. 107: Think of the Safer Alternatives

July 28, 2012 11:29 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete…I will practice harm minimisation as a way of responding to distress. As I move through my week, when I notice small changes in my mood or any self-destructive urges, I will practice thinking of the safest way of responding to the way I feel. Where I might sometimes have the urge to do something to hurt myself to express the way I feel, this week, I will practice thinking about the less harmful alternatives. When I notice my thinking or feelings heading in a self-destructive direction, I will ask myself “what would be the safest way of responding to this?” For example, if I notice myself thinking about cutting myself to relieve my distress, I will think about some less harmful things that might give me the same release. In this way, I will nurture my wellbeing and treat myself with a bit more respect and kindness. Using intense, but safe sensations is often really helpful. Some people find that holding a piece of ice or running a piece of sharp ice over their skin gives them an intense almost painful sensation that can replace the need to cut. Other people find snapping a rubber band on their wrist does the same thing. Yet other people find that running a red felt-tip pen over their arm gives them an intense visual picture that replaces the need to self-harm. Some people find them all helpful at different times. This week I will practice imagining doing these kinds of things rather than thinking about hurting myself. This week, I will practice thinking about doing these kinds of things whenever I notice myself thinking about hurting myself. Once I have gotten used to thinking about these safer alternative ways of reacting to my distress, I will add ‘ Think of a Safer Alternative’ and the strategies I thought of to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of responding when I feel the urge to hurt myself.
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No. 103: Mindfulness of My Senses

June 28, 2012 10:12 am ⋅ 
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing...


I will practice mindfulness of my five senses. I will take moments throughout the day to pause and notice what I can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch.

I will practice being fully present with each sense, one at a time. For example, I might spend a few minutes just listening to the sounds around me, or really looking at the colors and shapes in my environment.

Whenever my thoughts intrude, I will just notice and describe them to myself without judgement and return my attention to my senses. 

By practicing mindfulness of my senses, I will be able to ground myself in the present moment and take a break from distressing thoughts and feelings.

Once I am comfortable with this practice, I will add Mindfulness of My Senses to my Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.
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No. 102: Remembering I am not my Thoughts

June 22, 2012 12:43 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will practice reminding myself that automatic thoughts are ideas not facts. This week I will remember that I am not my thoughts. We all have automatic thoughts constantly throughout the day as our minds try to figure out what is happening around us. We can have automatic thoughts about anything that we have ever seen or heard. We can have automatic thoughts that we disagree with and that are the opposite of what we want, so my automatic thoughts do not really say anything about me or who I am. They really are just ideas. This week, as I move through my day, I will practice observing my thoughts and reminding myself that “these are ideas I have had, but they are not me.” Once I am comfortable thinking about my thoughts as ideas not facts about who I am, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing distress with my self-talk. When I notice I am distressed, I will observe my thoughts and remind myself these are ideas. I will look at which of these ideas I want to hold onto and which ones I don’ t really agree with. When I have thoughts I do not want to have, I will remember that it is normal to have thoughts I don’ t agree with. It doesn’ t mean anything bad about me.
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No. 100: Use Energy Lifting Words

June 9, 2012 4:17 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete… I will practice using positive, inspiring words in my self-talk and my communications with others to help shift the mood of things. This week, I will become aware of the kinds of words I am using with myself and with others. Each time I notice what I am thinking, I will find a way to reframe it that allows me to use more positive words. Each time I notice the kinds of words I am using/want to use when talking to others, I will think of a way of inserting more positive words. It might help to first make a list of the kinds of energy-raising words I could use, such as inspired, peaceful, harmonious, content and enjoyment. So for example, instead of thinking or saying ‘ I feel awful right now,’ I might reframe things so I think or say ‘ I want to do something to inspire me’ instead. Sometimes just thinking about the positive concept can lift our energy. Using these words in our communication can help lift the energy of those around us and make the way we communicate our problems more effective. Once I am comfortable doing this as part of my regular day, I will add ‘ Reframe to use positively charged words’ into my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for self-soothing and/or expressing myself when I am stressed or distressed.
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