This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice taking mindful moments throughout the day. Pause for a few moments to be fully present with whatever you are doing - whether it's eating, walking, washing dishes, or any other activity.
Practice being fully present with the experience of what you are doing, noticing any sensations, thoughts, and feelings that arise without judgment and returning your attention to the activity at hand.
Once you are comfortable with this practice, add Mindful Moment to your Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.
Category Archives: Self-soothing
No. 151: Mindful Moment
No. 150: Make a Memory Jar
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing… 
… practice holding onto good memories by making and using a Memory Jar. To make a Memory Jar, all you need to do is get a jar with a lid that you can fill with reminders of your positive, special or treasured memories throughout the year. Each day, write down at least one positive thing you want to remember later. Write down the small things like amazing views or scenery you have seen or fabulous food you have eaten or moments of laughter with friends as well as the big events and achievements that happen throughout the days and weeks of the year. Some people add objects and pictures to their memory jars too – like ticket stubs from good movies and concerts, photos of friends, shells from beach trips, dried flowers etc etc. Your Memory Jar can become a real lucky dip of treasured moments that you will be able to use as fuel for feeling good in days to come. To start with, you’ ll need to get your Memory Jar ready. Click here to see some Memory Jars made by other people. Some people decorate their memory jars – you could get really creative with this. Next schedule in some time each day for the next week, to write at least one new memory on a slip of paper and add it to the jar. If you have been feeling low, try to choose a time of the day when you usually feel the best. It is harder to notice positives when we are feeling negative, so if you find it tough to think of positive memories from the day, don’ t be hard on yourself for it. It helps to start small with just little things that have brought us a bit of pleasure. You might find it easier to write things down as they happen or to think back further than this one day or week. At the end of the week, look through your Memory Jar and practice remembering each of the good moments. Plan how to continue adding to your jar as you move through the year and then dip into it when you need some help to hold on to the good bits alongside the areas of dissatisfaction you carry or for those times you need some inspiration for how to feel better. It might help to keep it somewhere you will see it often. Reviewing your Memory Jar regularly will help you to get comfortable holding your positive memories in mind without cancelling them out with the bad stuff that has happened. This can help us to prevent the difficult things from taking over our whole view. You might find yourself having pessimistic or cynical thoughts about the activity, especially if you are in a low mood right now. Finding it hard to remember positive things doesn’ t mean that there have been no positive things. It just means you haven’ t noticed any positive things or you didn’ t count them when you did, maybe they seemed inconsequential or insignificant. Sometimes it can help to write down something you think you would find positive on a different day if you were in a better mood. By practicing the art of writing something down every day, you will practice holding onto positive memories in the face of difficulty and hardship, when it is all too easy to forget them. You’ ll also have a really neat record of your year to look back on in days to come. As you gather more and more memories in your jar, and get comfortable noticing, recording and recalling positive memories, add ‘ Use My Memory Jar’ to your Personal Coping Kete for moments of stress and distress. If you are finding things hard, take out your Memory Jar and use it to shift my thoughts to good times and moments of gratitude and find some ideas for things to do in the present to shift your mood. In times of stress and distress, as well as remembering good memories, try to add one new good memory to your Memory Jar a day. Even when everything is terrible, you will be able to find one good thing to add to your Memory Jar. Doing this during tough times might help you to balance out some of your unwanted thoughts and feelings and shift the intensity of your moods a bit.
… practice holding onto good memories by making and using a Memory Jar. To make a Memory Jar, all you need to do is get a jar with a lid that you can fill with reminders of your positive, special or treasured memories throughout the year. Each day, write down at least one positive thing you want to remember later. Write down the small things like amazing views or scenery you have seen or fabulous food you have eaten or moments of laughter with friends as well as the big events and achievements that happen throughout the days and weeks of the year. Some people add objects and pictures to their memory jars too – like ticket stubs from good movies and concerts, photos of friends, shells from beach trips, dried flowers etc etc. Your Memory Jar can become a real lucky dip of treasured moments that you will be able to use as fuel for feeling good in days to come. To start with, you’ ll need to get your Memory Jar ready. Click here to see some Memory Jars made by other people. Some people decorate their memory jars – you could get really creative with this. Next schedule in some time each day for the next week, to write at least one new memory on a slip of paper and add it to the jar. If you have been feeling low, try to choose a time of the day when you usually feel the best. It is harder to notice positives when we are feeling negative, so if you find it tough to think of positive memories from the day, don’ t be hard on yourself for it. It helps to start small with just little things that have brought us a bit of pleasure. You might find it easier to write things down as they happen or to think back further than this one day or week. At the end of the week, look through your Memory Jar and practice remembering each of the good moments. Plan how to continue adding to your jar as you move through the year and then dip into it when you need some help to hold on to the good bits alongside the areas of dissatisfaction you carry or for those times you need some inspiration for how to feel better. It might help to keep it somewhere you will see it often. Reviewing your Memory Jar regularly will help you to get comfortable holding your positive memories in mind without cancelling them out with the bad stuff that has happened. This can help us to prevent the difficult things from taking over our whole view. You might find yourself having pessimistic or cynical thoughts about the activity, especially if you are in a low mood right now. Finding it hard to remember positive things doesn’ t mean that there have been no positive things. It just means you haven’ t noticed any positive things or you didn’ t count them when you did, maybe they seemed inconsequential or insignificant. Sometimes it can help to write down something you think you would find positive on a different day if you were in a better mood. By practicing the art of writing something down every day, you will practice holding onto positive memories in the face of difficulty and hardship, when it is all too easy to forget them. You’ ll also have a really neat record of your year to look back on in days to come. As you gather more and more memories in your jar, and get comfortable noticing, recording and recalling positive memories, add ‘ Use My Memory Jar’ to your Personal Coping Kete for moments of stress and distress. If you are finding things hard, take out your Memory Jar and use it to shift my thoughts to good times and moments of gratitude and find some ideas for things to do in the present to shift your mood. In times of stress and distress, as well as remembering good memories, try to add one new good memory to your Memory Jar a day. Even when everything is terrible, you will be able to find one good thing to add to your Memory Jar. Doing this during tough times might help you to balance out some of your unwanted thoughts and feelings and shift the intensity of your moods a bit._ _ _ _
Happy New Year from Engage Aotearoa
No. 149: Balloon Breaths
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice balloon breaths. Imagine that your belly is a balloon that inflates when you breathe in and deflates when you breathe out.This is another way of practicing diaphragmatic breathing.
Practice taking slow, deep breaths, focusing on the movement of you belly as it rises and falls with each breath. It can help to place a hand on your tummy and a hand on your chest. Start with just one or two at first and see if you can extend to a full minute. Aim to do this at least once a day, everyday.
If you find yourself feeling hungry for air or like it's getting hard to breathe when you practice this, you can try fake yawning or turning your attention to your toes or to the room around you while you practice and this will usually relieve the sensation. It's nothing to worry about, it's just your body getting used to a different breathing pattern. If you move your attention, then your automatic responses will take back over and return to your usual breathing pattern.
Once you are comfortable with this practice, add Balloon Breaths to your Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.
No. 148: Practice Compassion
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… …I will practice being compassionate towards myself. When I notice critical thoughts or judgments about myself or things I have done or not done, I will practice responding in my mind with kind words, that share sensitivity for my suffering and respect for my humanity. I will practice choosing compassionate and accepting words to talk to myself about my mistakes, weaknesses, flaws and limitations. Other people can criticise me if they wish, but I will give myself compassion. As I move through my week, I will keep an eye out for self-talk that is harsh, critical and judgmental. For example, I will watch out for self-talk where I label myself stupid or useless when I make a mistake. When I notice I am labeling myself harshly for my mistakes and limitations, I will give myself compassion by pausing to remind myself it is human to struggle. I will appreciate my strengths by remembering them to myself and recalling that my flaws and limitations are simply part of a whole, not all that I am. By responding to myself with compassion throughout the week, I will practice accepting my whole self, warts and all. I do not need to be perfect, nor would I want to be. When I am used to talking to myself with compassion and acceptance on an ordinary day, I will add ‘ talk to myself with compassion’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping with stress and distress. When I find myself in distress, I will be mindful of how I am talking to myself and be careful to use compassionate words. In times of stress and distress, I will be better able to give myself messages of kindness, instead of giving myself messages of shame or judgement that make me feel worse.
…I will practice being compassionate towards myself. When I notice critical thoughts or judgments about myself or things I have done or not done, I will practice responding in my mind with kind words, that share sensitivity for my suffering and respect for my humanity. I will practice choosing compassionate and accepting words to talk to myself about my mistakes, weaknesses, flaws and limitations. Other people can criticise me if they wish, but I will give myself compassion. As I move through my week, I will keep an eye out for self-talk that is harsh, critical and judgmental. For example, I will watch out for self-talk where I label myself stupid or useless when I make a mistake. When I notice I am labeling myself harshly for my mistakes and limitations, I will give myself compassion by pausing to remind myself it is human to struggle. I will appreciate my strengths by remembering them to myself and recalling that my flaws and limitations are simply part of a whole, not all that I am. By responding to myself with compassion throughout the week, I will practice accepting my whole self, warts and all. I do not need to be perfect, nor would I want to be. When I am used to talking to myself with compassion and acceptance on an ordinary day, I will add ‘ talk to myself with compassion’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping with stress and distress. When I find myself in distress, I will be mindful of how I am talking to myself and be careful to use compassionate words. In times of stress and distress, I will be better able to give myself messages of kindness, instead of giving myself messages of shame or judgement that make me feel worse.
No. 145: Look for Movement
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice pausing and looking for movement in your environment. Notice the movement of leaves in the wind, people walking, cars driving, clouds moving across the sky, and other forms of movement around you. Take a moment to be fully present with the movement you observe, noticing the patterns, rhythms, and beauty in the movement around you. When you get caught up in your thoughts or feelings, simply acknowledge them to yourself and redirect your awareness back to observing movement in your surroundings.
Once you are comfortable with this practice, add Look for Movement to your Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.By looking for movement, you will be able to connect with the dynamic, changing nature of life and acknowledge difficult thoughts and feelings without letting them dominate your awareness.
No. 143: Finding Excuses to Get Outside
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…
…I will find excuses to spend small amounts of time outside and work them into my day to give myself little moments of mindfulness in nature. To start with, I will make a list of all the things I can do outside around my house or around my work or anywhere in between.
For example:
Weed the garden
Check the mail
Water the garden
Hang out washing
Bring in washing
Read the newspaper in the sun
Have lunch at the local park
Eat breakfast on the lawn
Drink my coffee under a tree
Walk to the dairy for milk
etc… etc…. etc…
Then, as I move through my week, I will practice giving myself time outside to do these things. I might schedule them in to my diary to help me remember to do them or I might be able to remember whenever the opportunity presents itself. When I find myself outside I will mindfully observe the environment around me and how it feels to be in it doing what I am doing. I will describe each part of my experience to myself and fully focus on participating in the experience of being outside. If I notice my thoughts distracting me from my moment outdoors, I will observe them for what they are and bring my mind back to the present moment. This will allow me to practice engaging with environments that are soothing and enjoyable as part of my everyday life. It might also help me get all the Vitamin D I need. Vitamin D comes from the sun.
Once I am used to enjoying outside as part of daily life, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way to self-soothe or distract myself during times of stress and distress. Taking myself outside and mindfully doing something else when I am distressed might give me the space I need to feel more calm before I respond to my distressing feelings, while still allowing them to be there.
No. 141: Observing Physical Connections
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice mindfully observing your physical connection to your surroundings. At regular intervals throughout the day, pause and take a minute to notice each of the places your body connects to the environment and what that feels like.
Notice the feeling of your feet on the ground or your back leaning on your chair, the air on your skin, the sun or wind, the sensation of your clothing on your body, and other physical sensations that anchor you to the here and now. Notice that you are connected to the environment around you. Test out shifting your weight on your feet or in your chair, or stretching your body and notice how that feels. Reach out and touch something - a leaf on a tree, or the fabric on a cushion, for example. Notice that you can move your body when you want to, no matter how you are feeling.
Once you are comfortable with this practice, add Observing Physical Connections to your Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress, when you need to ground yourself and get present. This is often really useful for dissociation.
No. 139: Replace “I Can’ t” with “I Don’ t”
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…\r …I will practice using my word-choices to help me work towards my goals. Often, when we want to make changes, there is something we want to stop doing and other things we want to do more of. This week, I will practice choosing words that focus on my control and power to decide. Research has shown that often when we start telling ourselves ‘ I can’ t do xyz thing’ we tend to want to do that very thing even more. Only one out of ten people who tried to cut back on chocolate by telling themselves “I can’ t eat chocolate” actually managed to stop eating chocolate. On the other hand, the same study showed that eight out of ten people who told themselves “I don’ t eat chocolate” managed to reach their goal. Telling ourselves that we can’ t do things tends to leave us feeling restricted and wanting to rebel against ourselves, telling ourselves that we don’ t do things tends to leave us feeling like we control what we choose to do. So this week, I am going to practice noticing myself thinking “I can’ t do that now” or “I am not allowed…” and I am going to mindfully replace the word ‘ can’ t’ with ‘ don’ t’ … “I don’ t do that now”. As I move through the week, I’ ll try to notice how this affects me, when the strategy is useful and what I do with the strategy to make it work for me. There might be times when I really can’ t do something, like fly down to the bus stop, but I might be surprised at just how often the things I think are limits are really choices and preferences that I have. Once I am comfortable with replacing my can’ ts with don’ ts on a day-to-day kind of basis, I will add the strategy to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of engaging with my goals to stop things that are no longer helpful to me. I will be able to pick up on any unnecessarily limiting thoughts I am having about my goals as things “I can’ t do” and use my self-talk to transform the can’ ts into don’ ts. If there is something I want to change, like to stop drinking alcohol or taking drugs, I will be able to take control of my language to help soothe the pressure from the situation and make myself feel more in charge of what I am doing. I might make a list of the things I feel like I can’ t do anymore, and then re-write each item using the words I don’ t, and keep the list with me for times when I’ m feeling tempted.
…I will practice using my word-choices to help me work towards my goals. Often, when we want to make changes, there is something we want to stop doing and other things we want to do more of. This week, I will practice choosing words that focus on my control and power to decide. Research has shown that often when we start telling ourselves ‘ I can’ t do xyz thing’ we tend to want to do that very thing even more. Only one out of ten people who tried to cut back on chocolate by telling themselves “I can’ t eat chocolate” actually managed to stop eating chocolate. On the other hand, the same study showed that eight out of ten people who told themselves “I don’ t eat chocolate” managed to reach their goal. Telling ourselves that we can’ t do things tends to leave us feeling restricted and wanting to rebel against ourselves, telling ourselves that we don’ t do things tends to leave us feeling like we control what we choose to do. So this week, I am going to practice noticing myself thinking “I can’ t do that now” or “I am not allowed…” and I am going to mindfully replace the word ‘ can’ t’ with ‘ don’ t’ … “I don’ t do that now”. As I move through the week, I’ ll try to notice how this affects me, when the strategy is useful and what I do with the strategy to make it work for me. There might be times when I really can’ t do something, like fly down to the bus stop, but I might be surprised at just how often the things I think are limits are really choices and preferences that I have. Once I am comfortable with replacing my can’ ts with don’ ts on a day-to-day kind of basis, I will add the strategy to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of engaging with my goals to stop things that are no longer helpful to me. I will be able to pick up on any unnecessarily limiting thoughts I am having about my goals as things “I can’ t do” and use my self-talk to transform the can’ ts into don’ ts. If there is something I want to change, like to stop drinking alcohol or taking drugs, I will be able to take control of my language to help soothe the pressure from the situation and make myself feel more in charge of what I am doing. I might make a list of the things I feel like I can’ t do anymore, and then re-write each item using the words I don’ t, and keep the list with me for times when I’ m feeling tempted.
No. 138: Visualising My Intentions
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… …I will practice telling the difference between my expectations and my good intentions and get in the habit of letting my intentions guide me instead of my fears. While my expectations are useful, they can get in my way at times, but my good intentions bring me back to what it is important to me, back to my values. This week, I will take a moment every morning to practice slow, belly breathing while I focus my attention on visualising my positive intentions for the day. Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will lie back and do a few minutes of belly breathing. As I breathe slowly down into my belly and let each breath float back out, I will think about my good intentions for the day by saying to myself “today I would like to ….” and then picturing it happening in my mind. If my self-critic or inner future-predictor interferes and I start thinking about barriers to my good intentions or reasons why it won’ t work out, I will notice the thoughts then come back to my breath and my intentions for the day. After a few minutes, I will open my eyes if I had them closed and move on into my day, carrying my values and positive intentions with me. In this way, I will get used to setting aside my expectations to get a clear sense of what I value and what I want to happen, so I can carry these things throughout my day and come back to them when I find myself in a tough moment. I’ ll also get to start my day off with a bit of calm breathing which might help set me up for a more relaxed day too. Once I am comfortable with spending a few moments breathing and connecting with my values and wishes rather than my fears and expectations, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for self-soothing during times of stress and upset.When I notice I am distressed, I will be able to take a moment to breathe, come back to my own values and intentions as a way of soothing my unhelpful thoughts and problem-solving how I will deal with the situation I am facing.
…I will practice telling the difference between my expectations and my good intentions and get in the habit of letting my intentions guide me instead of my fears. While my expectations are useful, they can get in my way at times, but my good intentions bring me back to what it is important to me, back to my values. This week, I will take a moment every morning to practice slow, belly breathing while I focus my attention on visualising my positive intentions for the day. Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will lie back and do a few minutes of belly breathing. As I breathe slowly down into my belly and let each breath float back out, I will think about my good intentions for the day by saying to myself “today I would like to ….” and then picturing it happening in my mind. If my self-critic or inner future-predictor interferes and I start thinking about barriers to my good intentions or reasons why it won’ t work out, I will notice the thoughts then come back to my breath and my intentions for the day. After a few minutes, I will open my eyes if I had them closed and move on into my day, carrying my values and positive intentions with me. In this way, I will get used to setting aside my expectations to get a clear sense of what I value and what I want to happen, so I can carry these things throughout my day and come back to them when I find myself in a tough moment. I’ ll also get to start my day off with a bit of calm breathing which might help set me up for a more relaxed day too. Once I am comfortable with spending a few moments breathing and connecting with my values and wishes rather than my fears and expectations, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for self-soothing during times of stress and upset.When I notice I am distressed, I will be able to take a moment to breathe, come back to my own values and intentions as a way of soothing my unhelpful thoughts and problem-solving how I will deal with the situation I am facing.
No. 136: One Thing I Can Do/ One Thing I Like
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing...
...I will practice paying attention to the things I can do and the things I like to engage with to help build my sense of self-efficacy (sense of being able to handle things) and awareness of enjoyable experiences. This will help build my resilience to stress and distress and will also give me good data about myself that I can use to self-soothe when I am stressed and create positive emotion when I am low.
To prepare, I will take a page in a notebook and divide it into two columns. The first column, I will title 'One Thing I Can Do' and the second column I will title 'One Thing I Like' (see example below).
To practice, I will take a moment at the end of each day to write down an example of 'One Thing I Can Do' and 'One Thing I Like' from my day. In the 'One Thing I Can Do' column, I will write down one thing that I did that day that I think I did well and what skill, attribute or quality it involved. In the 'One Thing I Like' column, I will write down one thing from my day that I enjoyed or appreciated and what it was that I liked about it. If I've been having tough times for a while, it might be hard to do this because I will be out of practice at noticing these things and I might have stopped doing a lot of the things I am good at and like. If I find it hard, I will have compassion for myself and practice noticing the smallest of small signs of 'Things I Can Do' or 'Things I Like' - for example, getting out of bed, showering and single moments of laughter.
As I move through the week, I will think through my growing list and know that there are things I can do to get through and things I like that can change my mood. As my awareness grows I will start trying to mindfully do those things when I notice my mood is low or my thinking is negative. This week, I will practice building the evidence that lets me remind myself "there is always one thing I can do and one thing that I can enjoy."
My notebook columns would look something like this...
| Things I can do… | Things I like… |
| Monday: I handled a tricky phone call – diplomatic Tuesday: I cooked a good dinner – cooking Wednesday: I supported a friend – supportive Thursday: I sent work emails – organised Friday: I solved a problem at work – dedicated Saturday: I socialised – interactive Sunday: I did the laundry – conscientious | Monday: Watching the sunset Tuesday: Sushi for lunch Wednesday: Walking in the park in the breeze Thursday: Watching the waves at the beach Friday: Watched a movie Saturday: Hanging out with friends Sunday: Fresh sheets on the bed |
Once I am comfortable noticing what I can do and what I like, and mindfully doing those things, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping with distress. When I find myself feeling stuck, hopeless or unsure of myself, I will be able to self-soothe by coming back to my old list to remind myself I am capable and the things I can do to change my mood and engage with a way of shifting my experience by doing just one of the things I can do and one thing that I like. This strategy could become self-soothing, engagement or mindful distraction depending on how I used it.
