This week to attain, maintain, or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice using mindfulness and visualisation to self-soothe with an exercise in observing your emotions and comforting them with calming colours. This week, schedule a regular time to practice the exercise and as it starts to feel familiar, begin testing out how to use it during moments of stress and distress.
Mindfulness simply means paying attention to the present moment, one thing at a time, on purpose and without making judgements about what is good or bad. We all make judgements all the time, so we won't be able to stop doing it completely. But when we are being mindful, we pay attention to the judgements we notice ourselves making, name them for what they are (e.g. 'I notice myself judging xyz to be something I don't like') and bring our minds back to the present moment, rather than being hooked into the judgements we have made. Paying attention to the present moment means we notice or observe what is outside and inside us and we describe it to ourselves in words. Once we are mindfully aware of what is happening inside and outside us, we are able to decide how we want to participate in the moment and what we need to do that - like maybe a bit of comfort.
This week, spend 5-10 minutes each day, practicing how to use mindfulness and a colour visualisation to comfort the places you feel distress. This is an exercise in four-parts.
1. Body Scan: Sit still, in a comfortable position, breathing in your natural rhythm. Closing your eyes (or staring softly at a fixed point in front of you), sit in silence and observe what is happening in your body. Starting at your feet and moving up to the top of your head, tune your attention into each part of your body and describe to yourself in words what sensations you notice - how hot or cold is your skin? Is there pain or discomfort? As you notice other thoughts entering your mind, observe and describe these to yourself too, and come back to scanning the sensations in your body.
2. Mood Scan: Once you have scanned your body, turn your mind to the emotions you are feeling in this moment - observing and describing to yourself each of the thoughts, images, memories and urges you notice and bringing yourself back to what you feel. What is the strongest emotion? Where do you feel it in your body? How does it sit in your body? What temperature and colour is this feeling or mix of feelings? If you struggle to picture one, just pick one you associate with the feeling. With each question you ask yourself, observe and describe the thoughts and other emotions that arise in response or that pull you away from paying attention to this feeling fully, without judgement and without judging your judgements.
3. Choose a Comfort Colour: Once you have tuned into the strongest emotion in this moment and found a colour that matches it, bring to mind a colour that you find soothing. This could be a colour you find peaceful, relaxing, happy, exciting, energising, calming, loving, gentle, supportive. What comes to mind when you think of this colour? What sensations, images, sounds, tastes and memories belong with this colour?
4. Recolour the Mood: Then turn your mind back to the strongest emotion you identified in the mood scan, find where it sits in your body and visualise the colour that goes with it. Next imagine you have filled a cup with your comfort-colour and drink it down, into the part of your body where your strongest emotion lies. In your mind,imagine re-colouring that strongest emotion with your comfort-colour, seeing it settle more and more, seeing it cool down or warm up as needed, seeing space and tension free up, as you pour more and more of your comfort-colour into that part of your body.
To finish, open your eyes slowly and bring yourself back to the room and the next task in your day. When you notice your mood shift throughout the day, practice observing it, noticing where it sits in your body, giving it a colour, finding a comfort-colour and re-colouring that space in your body.
Once you are familiar with using this mindful visualisation, add 'Re-colour the Mood' to your Personal Coping Kete as a way to self-soothe and create space inside yourself, during moments of stress and distress. Instead of trying to stay away from what you think or feel, and being pushed around by it, you will be able to observe what is happening inside you, where you feel it, and create some comforting sensations inside yourself. With each wave of sadness, anxiety, anger, frustration, fear or any other kind of stress, distress or upset, tune in, observe the feeling and re-colour it with something comforting.
Category Archives: Self-soothing
No. 162: Re-Colour the Mood
No. 160: Call On Your Compassionate Self
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing…
… create a compassionate self to call on in times of stress and distress. We often have a strong self-critic or even a self-bully that pipes up to tell us all the worst things about ourselves and what we are going through. If we reflect on our self-talk in times of distress we might notice we use blaming, judgmental and sometimes downright mean words with ourselves that leave us feeling ten times worse. Having a compassionate self allows us to use soothing, understanding, non-judgmental, kind and supportive words with ourselves instead of or in response to the self-critic or the self-bully. Start out by creating a character map of your compassionate self.It’s easiest to do all this on a piece of paper, in writing or drawing, to make it concrete and give us something to come back to later.
1. First, think about what compassion means to you. If you find it difficult to be compassionate towards yourself, it might help to think of what another compassionate person might do, or even what you are like when you are being compassionate towards other people. Think about what you might need from your compassionate self and what compassion involves for you. Is your compassionate self forgiving, respectful, kind, aware of what is important to you, caring, accepting, warm, humorous or all of those things and more? What does your compassionate self think about making mistakes, flaws, limitations, weaknesses, failures, and negative life events?
2. The next step is building a visual image for your compassionate self. What does your compassionate self look like? They could look like someone who has treated you with compassion in the past, a creature you have found comforting or it could look like you when you are being compassionate, understanding and kind to someone you care about. Think about what facial expressions and gestures your compassionate self might make to show their empathy, understanding and warmth and what it feels like to be near that. How does your compassionate self look at you? What do they do when they see you suffer?
3. Next you need to create a voice for your compassionate self. What does your compassionate self sound like? Think about what tone of voice it uses, what it sounds like, how loud its voice is and how fast it speaks. Finally, create some words for your compassionate self. What does your compassionate self say to you? Think about what words and phrases your compassionate self uses to soothe, show kindness and be understanding. It’ s easiest to do all this on a piece of paper, in writing or drawing, to make it concrete and give you something to come back to later.
Now you are ready to practice, take one to two minutes a day to sit mindfully with your thoughts about the day ahead and practice responding to them with this compassionate self you are learning to build inside you. Have a little conversation with them. What would this kind, accepting part of you say back to these thoughts and feelings you are holding right now? What would they offer you? How would they do it? Whenever you notice other thoughts distracting you, describe them to yourself, respond to them using your compassionate self and return to visualising yourself talking to my compassionate self about the coming day.
Once you are familiar with visualising your compassionate self and responding to your thoughts with a compassionate voice, add “Call on Your Compassionate Self” to your Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping with stress and distress. You will be able to call on the compassionate part of yourself to support yourself through stressful times with soothing, kind, respectful and understanding words, ideas and images, instead of being pushed along by your mind’ s negative self-talk on autopilot.
No. 159: Mindful Drawing
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice being mindful by taking a few moments a day to sit and draw something you see. Drawing can teach us "to notice properly rather than gaze absentmindedly" (The Book of Life), it doesn't have to be about artistic ability at all. The aim can be simply to notice properly the parts of things and how they fit together. This makes it a good way to strengthen our mindfulness muscles. Your drawings could be simple scribbles in pencil or ballpoint pen. If you notice you get too caught up with trying to draw a 'good' or accurate picture, do the exercise without looking at the paper at all - it really matters that little what you actually put down on the paper.
It's never easy to start a new practice, you might need to schedule in some time to do this each day and organise yourself some basic materials to have on hand. You could snatch a moment at lunchtime or you could plan a little trip to somewhere you might enjoy noticing in more detail.
Sitting down to draw, take a moment to settle into stillness and allow your breath to fall into its natural rhythm. Sometimes concentrating on drawing can lead us to hold our breath - this isn't a breathing exercise, but it's still important to breathe. Allow your eyes to wander until they settle on a scene or object to draw. For the next few moments, simply draw what you see, however it comes out. As your mind wanders, just notice your thoughts and bring yourself back to what you are drawing. As you notice your thinking mind judge the 'goodness' of what you are drawing, use your watching mind to observe the thoughts and bring your attention back to the detail you see around you and continue with the task of drawing it.
As you move through the week, experiment with drawing in different locations and drawing different things and observe how focusing on these different things effects your thoughts and feelings. What is beautiful and soothing to you? What is energising and inspiring for you to see? What sights and scenes weigh you down? How does your body respond to this? Always coming back to your watching self and the act of marking down what you see.
Practicing mindful drawing could help you ground yourself in the present moment during times of stress and distress. It can be a useful way to learn mindfulness when it is hard to do breathing or visualisation-based exercises, or if mindfulness is an unfamiliar practice. Really, mindfulness just means paying attention to the present moment, this involves using the part of our mind that is aware of our thoughts (our 'watching mind' or 'observing mind') instead of being totally involved in the part of our mind that is doing the thinking (our 'thinking mind'). Other names for our watching mind are our 'Observing Self' (in ACT) or 'Wise Mind' (in DBT). In DBT our 'thinking mind' is broken down into our 'feeling mind' and our 'rational mind', because we really do have lots of different kinds of thoughts running through our brains at any point in time.
Once you are comfortable doing mindful drawing in ordinary moments, add Mindful Drawing to your Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping with stress and distress. Mindful drawing could take you out of your thoughts for a moment, allow your body a chance to calm down, and give you something neutral or positive to focus on for a while, which could give you a tiny injection of positive vibes when things are feeling chaotic or overwhelming. You could also use the exercise as an excuse to take yourself somewhere you might enjoy. Giving yourself pleasurable experiences is an important part of engaging with a life you feel is worth living.
No. 158: Plant Seeds and Nurture Them
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing…
… practice being aware of your valued actions by visualising or symbolically planting seeds for each of your valued intentions. It is New Years Eve and that is good time to set goals for the coming months, but goals tend to be short-lived and easily side-tracked by shifting priorities. On the other hand, our values represent how we want to be in the world, regardless of the state of our goals. Values are always in progress, whereas goals can be achieved, failed or finished with. A goal might be to ‘ Quit Smoking’ . A value might be ‘ Caring for my Physical Health.’ See the shift? A goal is a place on a map, but a value is a direction on the compass we use to guide us. Different values tend to take on differing levels of importance as we move through life. Much of the suffering we go through is the result of being distant from our values, or prioritising one set of values over things we also hold dear to our hearts. So this week, try doing a ‘ Seed Planting Ceremony’ for the New Year, or the day or week ahead.
First, take a moment to sit in stillness and bring your mind to what you want to nurture in your life. How do you want to treat yourself, the planet and others in the coming months? What is most important to you right now? When your mind throws up thoughts of what you don’ t want, name it to yourself and bring your awareness to the values you would like to be guided by in such situations. What do you want to stand for as a person? What brings vitality and meaning to life for you? Write everything down as you go, then read back through and pick out the things that are priorities for you at the moment.
Next, make ‘ paper seeds’ for each of values you want to ‘ plant’ and nurture in your life by writing each one down or drawing them on a separate piece of paper. Give a name to each of the ‘ seeds’ you are planting so you can easily bring it to mind when you need help to find a valued path forward. Choose a small object or picture for each of the important ‘ seeds’ too if you would like. Next reflect on what you are doing, have done, or would do when living fully in line with this value that is so important to you? What small actions will grow it? Write these down too and then place the paper and the object in a special jar or container. Try to create at least one different ‘ seed’ for each of the areas of your life that are important to your health and wellbeing.
As you learn more about what you value in your heart of hearts, you can return and create more paper ‘ seeds’ to grow. Take some time once a day to turn your mind to the ‘ seeds’ you ‘ planted’ . Pick a few out of the jar, reflect on the ways you have moved towards it that day, acknowledge the things that have pulled you away with compassion, and visualise yourself nurturing this in yourself tomorrow. As you move through each day, see if you can practice bringing your attention to these valued directions, by naming them to yourself as a reminder and seeing how they can guide your next steps.
Once you are comfortable with setting your intentions by naming and visualising the values you want to nurture, add ‘ Plant Seeds and Nurture Them’ to your Personal Coping Kete. Then in times of stress and distress, you’ ll be able to returning to your values as helpers and visualise how you want to move forward, given what you have got.When you notice myself feeling lost or confused or distressed or uncertain, pause, find a valued direction, and choose one workable step towards it.
No. 157: Thank You, Brain
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice noticing and naming the stories your brain tells you and thanking your brain for trying to keep you safe, in all senses of the word. We usually all have a few chains of thought that repeatedly pop up to trigger stress and distress and pull us away from the things we really want to be doing. We can think of these repetitive thought patterns as stories our minds have learned to tell us to try to keep us safe. In a way our brains are automatic storytellers. Often we get caught up and stuck in the stories our minds are throwing up at us. One way to detach from those stories and take the heat out of the distress they create, is to practice naming each of the stories and then literally thanking our brain for doing its job. We don't need to believe, accept or agree with the story - and if we do, that doesn't mean we get much out of being caught up in it or responding to it. Instead of resisting it and struggling against it, this week simply practice naming it and saying 'thank you brain!'
To prepare, take some time to write down some of the things that your mind often throws up when you are distressed. Name the most repetitive thoughts or the ones that trigger the toughest emotions, as in, give them titles you can refer to them by - there is often some kind of "I can't cope" story, "bad self" story or "dangerous others" story in the mix. These are tough thought-chains to deal with when we are caught up believing them or struggling against them, especially when they have been 'true' for us in the past. Struggling against a story makes our mind keep repeating it. Naming the story and saying 'thank you brain' lets our mind know we are aware and reframes the thoughts as ideas and words instead of realities we need to act on - this often lets our mind know it can stop telling the story so loudly.
Once you have named some of the stories you notice your brain often tells you, practice naming them as you notice them throughout your day. Try to pause whenever you move between tasks or situations to practice observing what stories your brain is telling in the moment and saying "Thank you brain, for telling me the xyz story. I hear you", then move forward with your valued direction or do another coping strategy to make things workable.
To start with, practice naming stories and thanking your brain for telling them in ordinary, transition moments, rather in times of intense distress when it will be difficult to use a new strategy. It can help to also observe what the function of the story and the emotions that go with it might be. It can also help to name what our intentions and valued directions are too. These can be like alternative stories we are learning to tell ourselves. For example, "Thank you brain for the "I can't cope" story, I know you are trying to make me anxious, so I will be cautious, to keep me safe from threats. My intention is to discover how to handle this risk because independence and new experiences are important to me." Some variation of "Thank you, brain, for trying to protect me" or "Thank you, I appreciate that you're trying to help, brain."
This might seem like a bit of strange thing to do. But imagine your mind is like a micro-managing advisor at school or work - or maybe a worried parent at home. Like any advisor, some of the advice is useful and some of it is not useful to us at all - and we get to choose what stories we want to take on board. What usually happens if you ignore an advisor or argue with them? They usually just get louder and more persistent, don't they? But if we let an advisor know we have heard them and thank them for their message, then they are more likely to quieten down and we can get on with what we need to do. Responding to our thoughts in this way can help us to see our thoughts for what they are - words, stories, and images that arise in our minds automatically - and this in turn can help us get a bit of distance from them and more mindfully choose which thoughts we want to respond to.
Here is a short video from Russ Harris for an example of what this might look like: Thanking Your Mind: https://youtu.be/206WtwEyqzg?si=my2d8Z_kBr_abccA
Once you are comfortable with this practice, add Naming The Stories and Thank You, Brain to your Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.
No. 156: Make Space
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice making space for whatever you are feeling, rather than trying to push them away. When you experience distressing thoughts or feelings, acknowledge that it is there, then turn your attention to where you feel it in your body, observe the feeling with curiosity, take three deep breaths and imagine each breath flowing in around this feeling, opening up more space around it. Breath into it and imagine expanding around it, whatever that means to you. Notice also the way your chest and stomach literally expand with each breath, opening up a little more room inside you. Notice that no matter how big the feeling gets, it never gets bigger than you. See if you can just allow it to be there without trying to change it. If it changes of its own accord that's okay, but your aim is to simply allow it to be there. Practice saying to yourself "It's okay to feel this, I am a human being with a human heart," "I have room for this", "I can allow this feeling to be here", "I can make space for this." Take another few deep breaths, and whenever you feel ready, turn your attention towards the present moment and whatever it is you need to do right now.
Making space for our emotions, or in other words allowing them, or accepting them, is so much easier than fighting against them, arguing with them, or judging ourselves for them. Making space can help us respond to distressing experiences with more compassion and reduce how much suffering we have to go through.
Once you are comfortable with this practice, add Make Space to your Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.
No. 155: Extend the Image
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice extending the image when you notice yourself having distressing or worrying thoughts about the future. There are two ways to do this - experiment with both and see which one you prefer.
1. Pay attention to the image or story you see unfolding, and then extend that image or story in your mind until you come to its conclusion. Most often we stop right in the middle of the worst bit and worry about that. With this strategy we extend the story far past the thing we are worrying about, we tell ourselves about the next chapter too, the part where we cope with it, we can even fast-forward ten years into the future and it might look quite different from there. In this way, you will be able to introduce the possibility that things could turn out okay in the end, that you will eventually find a way to handle it and move on. Be mindful of how caught up you are in catastrophising though - sometimes it has such a strong grip on us we simply tell a very long, even more upsetting story, and that's probably not hugely helpful. If that's something you struggle with then practice this strategy on milder concerns first.
2. Bring to mind an image of what you are worrying about or think of an image that symbolises it, then imagine zooming out and notice what you'd see around it, then zoom out again, and again. In this way, you will be able to create distance from distressing thoughts and feelings and reduce their power over you.
For example, if I have a distressing thought, I might imagine it as a dark cloud and then extend the image to see the sky around it, making the cloud appear smaller and less threatening.
Once you are comfortable with this practice, add Extend the Image to your Personal Coping Kete for times of stress and distress.
No. 154: Supportive Self-Talk
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing…
…practice catching your inner critic when it’ s up to its tricks and responding to your self-talk with kindness. This is about learning to label your unhelpful self-talk for what it is and deliberately talk to yourself in a way that builds you up instead of cutting yourself down. Self-talk is automatic but we can bring it into our awareness and use it to support ourselves through moments of stress and distress. That last bit is key here. It is important to choose self-talk that feels supportive to you and that you can believe to be true. Sometimes we take ‘ supportive’ to mean that we are supposed to try to cheer ourselves up with lots of positive phrases that oppose what we have been thinking and that can often make people feel worse, especially if they really do not believe the positive statement at all. It doesn’ t usually work when we try to do this with others, and it doesn’ t usually work when we try to do this to ourselves either.
Supportive means to hold up, so try to experiment with finding a way of talking back to harsh self-talk that can hold you up in the struggles you find yourself in. This can be really hard to do, so practice in the ordinary moments first, maybe with your morning cuppa or something like that. Just sit and observe what you notice in your mind as it arises for a few minutes a day. If it’ s empty, observe and describe that. If it’ s focused on the cuppa, observe and describe that. Practice noticing the detail. Eventually your mind will start to wander and chatter like minds are designed to do. When you notice, observe and describe that too. Keep a look out for how your mind talks to you. When you notice critical, judgemental or harsh self-talk, describe what you observe, put words to it, name it for what it is.
Then take a deep breath and deliberately respond with self-talk that is supportive towards yourself, in a way that has your back, as if to hold yourself up in this moment, not to deny your reality, but to hold you steady there. Our minds are kind of messy in real life and so observing them can be too. It might go something a bit like this inside in your mind as you do this: “I am sitting here with my cup of coffee …I notice my mind is blank. [cue distracting chatter] I can never do these things. How does this even work as a thing. I’ m not even thinking anything important. I want to have chicken for dinner. Dammit I’ m not paying attention… [good noticing, and you’ re back. Describe where you went just then and try your supportive self-talk again]….I notice I am judging the way I am confused about doing this. I notice I am kind of hungry… [take a deep breath and meet this with some supportive self-talk]… This is a kind of hard thing to learn really. At least I am trying. Did I have breakfast? Dammit again! [Good noticing again, and you’ re back. Describe where you went just then and try your supportive self-talk again]...I notice hunger distracting me. I notice harsh words about that. No one can focus properly when they are hungry…” Stay with it for a couple of minutes if you can, and then continue on with your day.
As you move through each day, pause when you notice your mood change and take a moment to observe what you are telling yourself about the situation and your experience of it, and see what happens if you meet it with some of the supportive self-talk you’ ve been practicing each morning.
When you are comfortable noticing, labeling and responding to your self-talk with support, add ‘ Supportive Self-Talk’ to your Personal Coping Kete for moments of stress and distress. When times are tough, you’ ll be able to catch your harsh inner critic and feed yourself supportive self-talk that helps hold you up. Self-judgement adds another layer of distress to already difficult situations. Giving ‘ voice’ to your inner supporter can make distress less intense and easier to cope with.
No. 153: Label Thoughts As Thoughts
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing… 
… practice noticing your thoughts and seeing them for what they are – thoughts. This week, whenever you notice yourself look at a clock, take a brief moment to be still, take five deep breaths, register what is in your mind and name what you notice in this time. As you notice a thought running through your head, say to yourself “I notice the thought that…“. For example, if I look at the clock, breathe and think “I am going to be late”, I will say to myself “I notice the thought that I am going to be late”. Sometimes we have second thoughts about our first thoughts. Thoughts often come in chains of ‘ this’ and ‘ then that’ and then… etc. If you notice a second thought attached to the first, describe that too. Try to be an impartial observer, not a bullying or critical observer and use neutral words to describe what you notice. If you notice yourself judging or labeling your thoughts as ‘ good’ or ‘ bad’ in some way, describe that to yourself self too, “I notice the thought that…”. If your mind goes blank or you feel distressed, label your thoughts about that and come back to your breathing. After you have taken five good breaths in and out, move your attention outwards again by describing what is around you right now, “Right now I see…Right now I hear… “. Then turn back to whatever you were about to do before. As thoughts pop up to distract you from your task, label them as thoughts and return your focus to what is around you and what you are doing now. Usually our thoughts are constantly running through our minds without us noticing them and we just go along reacting to them on auto-pilot. By doing this exercise, I will get used to taking a step back to observe my thoughts and recognise them as ideas happening in my mind. Labeling my thoughts as thoughts will highlight the distinction between what is coming in through my senses and what is the meaning attached to it by my mind. Often these two things we will be an obvious match. However, just as often things are a bit more ambiguous and unclear. Often there are multiple potential meanings and labeling thoughts can help me keep sight of that. This can help the body know it is safe to calm down any stress responses it has been automatically firing off. It is harder to step back and label our thoughts as thoughts when our emotions are high. This is why practicing for just a moment at regular intervals when emotions aren’ t high is helpful while we get the hang of it. You might find that looking at a clock isn’ t the most useful reminder to practice for you. If that’ s the case, pick another thing you do everyday to use as a reminder to practice. When you are comfortable with stopping to label thoughts as thoughts during everyday moments, add it to your Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping in times of stress and distress. When you notice emotions getting high or your mind starting to race, take a moment to breathe into your belly and observe your thoughts one by one. As you notice a thought, describe it to yourself “I notice the thought that…” . Then turn your mind to your senses and the world around you. “Right now I see… Right now I hear…”. When you are ready to move on to the next task in your day. Think to yourself, “Right now I could…” . This might be a self-soothing or distraction exercise or some form of expression, support or engagement. Labeling distressing thoughts as thoughts might help to soothe their sting if they are overwhelming, slow them down if they are racing or make them clear if they are clouded. If we can notice thoughts as events that happen inside us, we can choose which ones we want to act on and which ones are just the chatter of our minds on autopilot.
… practice noticing your thoughts and seeing them for what they are – thoughts. This week, whenever you notice yourself look at a clock, take a brief moment to be still, take five deep breaths, register what is in your mind and name what you notice in this time. As you notice a thought running through your head, say to yourself “I notice the thought that…“. For example, if I look at the clock, breathe and think “I am going to be late”, I will say to myself “I notice the thought that I am going to be late”. Sometimes we have second thoughts about our first thoughts. Thoughts often come in chains of ‘ this’ and ‘ then that’ and then… etc. If you notice a second thought attached to the first, describe that too. Try to be an impartial observer, not a bullying or critical observer and use neutral words to describe what you notice. If you notice yourself judging or labeling your thoughts as ‘ good’ or ‘ bad’ in some way, describe that to yourself self too, “I notice the thought that…”. If your mind goes blank or you feel distressed, label your thoughts about that and come back to your breathing. After you have taken five good breaths in and out, move your attention outwards again by describing what is around you right now, “Right now I see…Right now I hear… “. Then turn back to whatever you were about to do before. As thoughts pop up to distract you from your task, label them as thoughts and return your focus to what is around you and what you are doing now. Usually our thoughts are constantly running through our minds without us noticing them and we just go along reacting to them on auto-pilot. By doing this exercise, I will get used to taking a step back to observe my thoughts and recognise them as ideas happening in my mind. Labeling my thoughts as thoughts will highlight the distinction between what is coming in through my senses and what is the meaning attached to it by my mind. Often these two things we will be an obvious match. However, just as often things are a bit more ambiguous and unclear. Often there are multiple potential meanings and labeling thoughts can help me keep sight of that. This can help the body know it is safe to calm down any stress responses it has been automatically firing off. It is harder to step back and label our thoughts as thoughts when our emotions are high. This is why practicing for just a moment at regular intervals when emotions aren’ t high is helpful while we get the hang of it. You might find that looking at a clock isn’ t the most useful reminder to practice for you. If that’ s the case, pick another thing you do everyday to use as a reminder to practice. When you are comfortable with stopping to label thoughts as thoughts during everyday moments, add it to your Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping in times of stress and distress. When you notice emotions getting high or your mind starting to race, take a moment to breathe into your belly and observe your thoughts one by one. As you notice a thought, describe it to yourself “I notice the thought that…” . Then turn your mind to your senses and the world around you. “Right now I see… Right now I hear…”. When you are ready to move on to the next task in your day. Think to yourself, “Right now I could…” . This might be a self-soothing or distraction exercise or some form of expression, support or engagement. Labeling distressing thoughts as thoughts might help to soothe their sting if they are overwhelming, slow them down if they are racing or make them clear if they are clouded. If we can notice thoughts as events that happen inside us, we can choose which ones we want to act on and which ones are just the chatter of our minds on autopilot.
No. 152: Do Something for My Future Self
This week, to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing… … practice choosing the course of action that will make you feel better later by doing something for your future self each day. We so often spend our time caught up in surviving the day-to-day things that lie in front of us, that we forget to spend time setting up our future selves to thrive. This week, practice nurturing my future self. Think about you in a week from now and imagine you find yourself in a good frame of mind; what does that person wish they had experienced or done? What are they proud of? What do they treasure? What brought vitality to their week? Then fast forward past next week, to next month, next year, and decades from now. Make a list as you go of small things you could do in a day to help your future self have these experiences they need to build the kind of life they want. Each day, choose one thing from your list to do and plan in a time to do it. For example, going to bed 30 minutes earlier might make your mornings easier; eating breakfast might make your afternoons easier; chatting with a friend might have given you a laugh; doing a job you’ ve been putting off might make you feel less stressed tomorrow; going for a walk might give you a mood lift and help you sleep better later; setting some goals might help you feel like you have a bit of direction later etc… As you get used to the practice of doing small things for your future self in a planned way, practice pausing as you make decisions in your daily life to ask yourself what course of action would help build a thriving life for your future self. When you are used to making choices for your future self, add ‘ Do Something for My Future Self‘ to your Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping during times of stress and distress. When you find yourself feeling upset, you can use this strategy to value yourself in the presence of that distress and keep moving towards the kind of life you want. How does your future self want to see you managing this?
… practice choosing the course of action that will make you feel better later by doing something for your future self each day. We so often spend our time caught up in surviving the day-to-day things that lie in front of us, that we forget to spend time setting up our future selves to thrive. This week, practice nurturing my future self. Think about you in a week from now and imagine you find yourself in a good frame of mind; what does that person wish they had experienced or done? What are they proud of? What do they treasure? What brought vitality to their week? Then fast forward past next week, to next month, next year, and decades from now. Make a list as you go of small things you could do in a day to help your future self have these experiences they need to build the kind of life they want. Each day, choose one thing from your list to do and plan in a time to do it. For example, going to bed 30 minutes earlier might make your mornings easier; eating breakfast might make your afternoons easier; chatting with a friend might have given you a laugh; doing a job you’ ve been putting off might make you feel less stressed tomorrow; going for a walk might give you a mood lift and help you sleep better later; setting some goals might help you feel like you have a bit of direction later etc… As you get used to the practice of doing small things for your future self in a planned way, practice pausing as you make decisions in your daily life to ask yourself what course of action would help build a thriving life for your future self. When you are used to making choices for your future self, add ‘ Do Something for My Future Self‘ to your Personal Coping Kete as a way of coping during times of stress and distress. When you find yourself feeling upset, you can use this strategy to value yourself in the presence of that distress and keep moving towards the kind of life you want. How does your future self want to see you managing this?
