Engage Aotearoa

Category Archives: Expression & Support

No. 56: The Kind-Hearted Self-Therapist

August 4, 2011 3:14 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping KeteI will practice using a self-interview technique to give myself support and get clear on what is happening for me each day. The self-interview technique involves inventing my own ideal supporter or self-therapist and then taking on the role myself by asking myself a series of gentle questions and answering them. I can do this in my head or on a piece of paper. A lot of people find it easier on paper to begin with. In preparation for practicing the technique, I will write a short list of questions down on a small piece of paper that I can easily keep handy to jog my memory. This is important because I will probably find it hard to think of useful questions to ask myself when I am in the middle of feeling stressed or distressed. Also in preparation, I will invent a whole character around this self-therapist based on the ideal form of support I would like to receive when I am distressed – then when I do the activity, it might be easier to practice talking to myself in this loving, compassionate way, especially if it is something I don’ t do very often. I will then practice using my kind-hearted self-interview about my daily experience every day. Once I am comfortable interviewing myself about my daily experiences in a compassionate way like this, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of dealing with stress and distress. When I notice that I am feeling stressed or distressed, I will pause and use the self-interview to give myself a moment to become aware of what is driving my response and what could balance it out in a supportive, compassionate way. Some good questions to ask myself might be:\r

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  1. What is in my mixed-bag of feelings right now?

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  2. What thoughts have been running through my head?

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  3. What is happening around me right now?

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  4. What are the other possible interpretations of these events?

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  5. What evidence do I have for these alternative interpretations?

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  6. What interpretations take all of the evidence into account?

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\r This exercise will allow me to practice stepping out of the moment to access a more objective state of mind that fits with my way of seeing things. When human beings are distressed our attention naturally narrows down to focus only on the things that are distressing so we can react to them – this exercise will allow me to return to a more expansive viewpoint that is able to take in all of the elements of the situation around me before I react. Often this will change the way I feel about the situation and bring the intensity of my responses down. It takes time to get familiar with techniques like this one – if we are used to being our biggest self-critic, we might find ourselves engaging in self-judgement at various times, which can sometimes make these thought-based activities distressing. I will pay special attention to giving myself encouraging self-talk and compassion during the activity, respecting the way I react to and cope with things. In this way, I will take the role of kind-hearted, self-therapist. I could give myself my ideal form of support, regardless of what kinds of support I am actually being given from the people around me.

Posted in: Expression & Support, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , ,

No. 45: Voicing my inner experiences

May 19, 2011 3:38 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain, or regain my sense of wellbeing… "" …I will talk about my stresses. This week, the rule is that when I am experiencing any feelings of stress, I will name them, every time, even if they are only slight. This does not mean always going into detail or expecting help or even for the stress to get less as a result. It means that whatever it is that I am dealing with, I am not dealing with it alone; the people around me know what I’m up to. It also involves practicing accepting the way I feel without judging myself for it and gets me into the habit of expressing myself. And who knows, the people around me might relate. Once I am used to talking about my stress, I will add the strategy to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of shifting my mood when things are distressing.
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No. 43: Ten Words

May 3, 2011 6:04 pm ⋅ 
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing...



...use the short 'Ten Words' writing exercise to sort out your thoughts, centre yourself and express what is going on for you. By making yourself aware of what your current moment is all about, you will be able to move beyond reacting to responding mindfully.

**Ten Words Writing Exercise**

Step 1: Write down ten words that come into mind when you think about what you are experiencing in the *current* moment (that's right now). If you can't think of ten, just write down however many you can think of.

Step 2: Look at your words and choose the one that seems most important or most true for you right now.

Step 3: Write a sentence using that word that describes what is happening for you at the moment.

Step 4: Repeat this process with the other words until you have a clearer picture of what you are dealing with at the moment.

Once you are comfortable using this exercise, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete for times of stress or distress.
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No. 42: Daily Free-Flow

April 28, 2011 11:39 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will keep a daily journal of thoughts, feelings and impressions from the day. This will allow me to ‘sort out’ my thoughts, become aware of what is going on for me and process the things I need to adapt to. I will need a dedicated notebook to write in and somewhere safe to keep it. I might need to schedule this in each day in order to get in the habit of doing it and it might take a while to get used to writing. It doesn’t matter what I write or how I write it, the point is to get in the habit of connecting non-judgmentally with my own inner states and learn ways of expressing them. Part of accessing support is being able to express our need, and this will be a good way of working on that. At the same time, writing each day can help to calm racing thoughts and sort out any sense of confusion. If I am ever finding it difficult to write anything down, I will write down ‘the story of my day’ and finish it off by saying how I feel about that. If I have any further thoughts I can then write those down, in that way start to bring my thoughts and feelings to the surface. If doing this exercise leads me to think on things that upset or distress me, I will practice self-soothing and mindfulness exercises to comfort myself back to the present, current moment, in which I am safe. I will experiment with different ways of writing about my day until I find a way that allows me to sort out my thoughts without intensifying the distressing aspects of them. Once I am used to expressing myself in a daily journal, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of expressing my thoughts privately during times of stress and distress.
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No. 21: Mind Reading

November 17, 2010 8:10 pm ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will practice noticing myself trying to predict other people’s thoughts and balancing out my predictions. When I notice shifts in my mood I will scan through my thoughts and see if any of the thoughts I’ve been having about the situation were ‘mind-reading’ or focused on what others are thinking. Mind-reading is a common thought distortion where we assume we know what people around us are thinking or feeling. Many people find their distress is being triggered because they assume other people are thinking negative things in relation to them; We might think others are displeased with us or our decisions for example. This week, I will try to notice when/if I am doing this. When I notice a mind-reading thought I will balance it by reminding myself that “I cannot know this for sure, it is just a theory.” I will then come up with two other possible theories for how the people around me are acting/reacting. I will see whether there is any evidence for these other theories. If it is appropriate at the time, I might ask the people around me whether or not they are thinking/feeling the things that I initially thought or feared they were. For example, I might say “hey, I noticed you frowning just then, have I said something to annoy you?” Most of the time, people are going through their own things, and their reactions aren’t 100% about me. Other times, they may have misunderstood something I’ve done or said and by checking it out, I can correct them and let them know my true intentions. And more rarely, I may have actually upset someone, and by checking it out I can apologise and make it right where possible. I can’t please everyone. Once I am used to noticing myself mind-reading and balancing my predictions, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete for moments of stress and distress.
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No 17. What Would Goofy Do?

October 20, 2010 12:01 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping Kete I will practice taking some time out with a notebook and doing a writing exercise to cope with stress. When I think I need a break from the moment, I will sit down with a notebook and choose a cartoon character. I will imagine that this cartoon character is in my situation instead of me. I will write for 5 minutes about how this character would view and react to the situation. It will distract me and maybe even give me a different perspective of things. I will need to keep a notebook and pen or pencil in my bag or pocket for this one. Once I am used to doing writing exercises when I am not particularly upset, I will add ‘What Would A Cartoon Character Do? Writing Exercise’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a way to shift unwanted moods.
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No 16 – Regular contact

October 13, 2010 4:22 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… Coping KeteI will reach out to another person to talk about my day and what’ s on my plate every day. I will also give the other person the chance to talk to me about their day and what is on their plate at the same time. This way things will not build up for me and I will get ongoing support and access to other perspectives. If I am upset, I might get comfort and understanding. This may take some planning, especially for those of us who are still building a social support network. On days when I do not know who to ring, visit or chat to at the water cooler, I will call Youthline, Warmline or Lifeline and utilise a pair of expert ears. It helps to make a list of people you can call. And to start off with there’ s\r

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  • Youthline – Ph: 0800 37 66 33 | Free text: 234 | email: talk@youthline.co.nz

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  • Warmline – Ph: 0508 WARMLINE or 0508 927 654

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  • Lifeline – Ph: 0800 LIFE LINE or 0800 543 345

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  • The Phobic Trust: 24-Hour Anxiety Help-Line; 0800 1 4 ANXIETY

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  • A parent; A sibling or cousin; A friend; Another friend; A colleague

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Once I am used to reaching out to someone regularly, I will add “Call Someone To Talk About It” to my Personal Coping Kete as something to do during times of stress. \r
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No. 14 – A Letter to The Past

September 29, 2010 6:52 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness Coping Kete I will use letter-writing as a means of private expression. If I find myself thinking over and over a past negative experience, I will write a letter to one of the people in the situation or my past self explaining how it was for me and airing any unfinished business. I will finish the letter by writing what I need now and what I can do for myself now. When I have written down everything I wanted to say but didn’t have the chance to, I will screw the letter up and throw it away as a symbolic gesture of moving on from things I cannot change. I will then turn my attention to one small thing I have been needing or wanting to get done. Whenever my thoughts turn back to the experience, I will remember what was at the heart of my letter and give myself empathy and compassion for what has distressed me. I will then remember that moment of releasing it and bring my thoughts back to the current moment by describing the immediate situation to myself. Often we need to let go more than once. If I find this engagement strategy helpful, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of expressing feelings about the past again later.
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No. 7 – Letting My Surroundings In

August 12, 2010 12:16 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… Coping Kete I will practice using mindful awareness to silently observe and describe my surroundings to myself in neutral and accepting terms. I will start out by describing the elements of the situation or my thoughts that I find distressing. Then I will observe and describe other elements of my immediate environment to yourself. I will try to ensure my body posture and eye gaze allow for me to take in my surroundings – I will sit/stand up straight and open my posture, look around me and widen my focus. We so often turn ourselves into closed systems when we are distressed. I will simply observe and describe, but try not to make judgements about my observations. When I notice that I have made a judgement, I will observe and describe it to myself and then turn my attention back to something around me. When I am comfortable observing my surroundings and bringing my thoughts back to that task, I will add ‘Mindfully Observing my Surroundings’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a distraction strategy for moments of distress.
Posted in: Expression & Support, Mindful Distraction, Self-Soothing ⋅ Tagged: , , , , ,

No. 5 – Regular Self-Checks

July 28, 2010 2:54 am ⋅ Leave a Comment ⋅

This week, to attain, maintain or retain my sense of wellness …

I will practice being mindful of what I am feeling and what I need. Once every hour or two, I will check in by mentally asking myself ‘what do I feel right now?’ and then ‘what do I need to do for myself right now?’

I will give myself those things that I am capable of giving (or getting). Do I need food? Sleep? A breath or two? Reassurance? A kind thought? A glass of water? A chat? A distraction? Assistance? By creating small moments in my day, I will become practiced in the art of responding to my needs as well as privately connecting with and expressing my feelings.

Once I am comfortable with creating moments in my days, I will add ‘Do a Self-Check’ to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for moments of stress and distress.

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