This week to attain, maintain or regain your sense of wellbeing...
...practice radical acceptance. Acceptance is "The action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered." Radical Acceptance is "seeing exactly what is [even the really bad things] and just accepting the fact of its existence."
**This week I consent to receive life on its own terms.**
By practicing Radical Acceptance, you give up on fighting reality. You accept what is and what isn't. It doesn't mean you become passive and give up on changing the things you can change.It's actually a lot easier to take action to address things when we are able to accept that they are there, even if we don't like or want them to be that way.
Useful self-talk statements you can use to practice this attitude shift include...
"I don't like it but it's just the way it is."
"I don't want it but it's what I've got right now."
"I can't change what has happened."
"This is the way things are at the moment."
"It's okay to feel this way, I'm only human."
"I'm not going to waste my time fighting with myself about this."
"I can't change what they want to do - other people make their own choices."
"That didn't go the way I hoped."
Once you are used to using radical acceptance with the everyday stuff, will add it to your Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for soothing unwanted thoughts and feelings.
*Note: Radical acceptance is a concept popularized by mindfulness and the concept of radical acceptance in the mental health community with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).*
Category Archives: Engagement
No. 52: Radical Acceptance
No. 51: Building a Body that is Prepared to Cope
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… 
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… I will build my resilience to stress and distress by making sure that I am meeting my physical needs. I will regularly go through the following mental check-list of physical needs I may need to address in the moment. There are a range of physical states that can trigger or exacerbate negative emotions and stress responses. The Mental Check-List\r
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… I will build my resilience to stress and distress by making sure that I am meeting my physical needs. I will regularly go through the following mental check-list of physical needs I may need to address in the moment. There are a range of physical states that can trigger or exacerbate negative emotions and stress responses. The Mental Check-List\r
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- Am I thirsty right now? If yes, I will go and sip a glass of water.
- Am I hungry right now? If yes, I will go and eat something.
- Am I tired right now? If yes, I will get some rest or do something physical to energise myself.
- Are my muscles tense or aching right now? If yes, I will move around or do some stretches.
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\r If I am unable to take steps to address an area of need, I will have compassion and understanding for the way that this need will be affecting my emotions, until I am able to take care of it. I will let the people around me know that I am being affected by it so they can understand why I might be a bit short-fused or on edge. Once my physical needs are addressed, I will be ready to deal with the challenges of the situation and engage in any other self-soothing or help-seeking as needed. When I am comfortable with running through the mental check-list and meeting my physical needs, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for lifting my mood in times of stress and distress.
No. 47: Creating Mini Celebrations
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… ![""]("http://www.engagenz.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/blankcopingkete3-200x300.jpg" "\"blankcopingkete\"")
I will create space to celebrate my achievements and practice being aware of my strengths, by setting small goals and acknowledging when I reach them. I will make a list of all of the little things I need to do each day during the week. I will put this list somewhere I can see it and plan the items into my schedule. At the end of each day, I will tick or cross off the things that I did and congratulate myself for the achievement. I will talk about some of the achievements with other people. Even the smallest of activities like eating meals, going for a walk or sometimes even getting out of bed, take skills and awareness that deserve acknowledgement, even if that is a simple silent acknowledgement to myself. By building my awareness of the positive things I do each day I will build my sense of being able to handle whatever comes my way. When I feel anxious or stressed, I will be able to recall these times of small mastery. This week I will create this daily opportunity to appreciate the things I do. I will not use the list an excuse to berate myself for any of the things that I did not do. Once I am comfortable with the practice of creating the opportunity for mini-celebrations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to make sure I am doing during times of stress and distress.
![""]("http://www.engagenz.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/blankcopingkete3.jpg" "\"blankcopingkete\""){kind=spacer}
I will create space to celebrate my achievements and practice being aware of my strengths, by setting small goals and acknowledging when I reach them. I will make a list of all of the little things I need to do each day during the week. I will put this list somewhere I can see it and plan the items into my schedule. At the end of each day, I will tick or cross off the things that I did and congratulate myself for the achievement. I will talk about some of the achievements with other people. Even the smallest of activities like eating meals, going for a walk or sometimes even getting out of bed, take skills and awareness that deserve acknowledgement, even if that is a simple silent acknowledgement to myself. By building my awareness of the positive things I do each day I will build my sense of being able to handle whatever comes my way. When I feel anxious or stressed, I will be able to recall these times of small mastery. This week I will create this daily opportunity to appreciate the things I do. I will not use the list an excuse to berate myself for any of the things that I did not do. Once I am comfortable with the practice of creating the opportunity for mini-celebrations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to make sure I am doing during times of stress and distress.
No. 40: Inviting Good Times In
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing … I will create opportunities for enjoyment and positive emotion by inviting friends, family-members, colleagues or acquaintances to do things. This week, I will invite someone to do something or seek invitations to join in with other people almost every day. I will understand that people are not always available and don’t always enjoy the same things. When one invitation does not work out, I will make another one. In this way I will give myself some positive environments and the chance to experience positive emotion and form meaningful connections. My invitations may result in future activities instead of immediate ones, and this will give me something to look forward to. I will also strengthen my social interaction skills as I practice making and seeking invitations and following through on them. I might experience anxiety in doing this week’s experiment in engagement. This week, I will suspend my beliefs/fears about how other people might think of or respond to me. I will use self-soothing strategies to calm those fears and allow for the possibility that something better will arise from engaging in more activities with more people and opening my experience up to new things. Once I am comfortable inviting opportunities for positive interactions, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for shifting low moods and negative thoughts in times of distress.
I will create opportunities for enjoyment and positive emotion by inviting friends, family-members, colleagues or acquaintances to do things. This week, I will invite someone to do something or seek invitations to join in with other people almost every day. I will understand that people are not always available and don’t always enjoy the same things. When one invitation does not work out, I will make another one. In this way I will give myself some positive environments and the chance to experience positive emotion and form meaningful connections. My invitations may result in future activities instead of immediate ones, and this will give me something to look forward to. I will also strengthen my social interaction skills as I practice making and seeking invitations and following through on them. I might experience anxiety in doing this week’s experiment in engagement. This week, I will suspend my beliefs/fears about how other people might think of or respond to me. I will use self-soothing strategies to calm those fears and allow for the possibility that something better will arise from engaging in more activities with more people and opening my experience up to new things. Once I am comfortable inviting opportunities for positive interactions, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for shifting low moods and negative thoughts in times of distress.
No. 38: Giving Up On Getting It Right
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… I will give up on trying to get things right. Instead of being concerned with getting the right answer, saying the right thing, doing it right and looking right I will be as open as possible, I will be willing to not get the right answer, to go through the process, rather than jumping ahead to the future. By remaining concerned with ‘being right’, the mind produces excess tensions in the body. When I make the choice to have an open mind, to wait and see what happens and to let whatever happens be okay, it will have a beneficial effect on my body. This week, it does not matter whether I am right or mistaken – it matters that I allow myself the opportunity to try things and relax into myself. I do not need to be on guard all the time to make sure I behave appropriately or am accepted. I can relinquish my control on getting things right, and still survive, still be accepted and still move forward in life. By removing the pressure to do it right, I am more likely to feel comfortable trying things. Once I am used to giving myself permission to be wrong and make mistakes every day, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for balancing distressing thoughts when I need to soothe distressing moods.
I will give up on trying to get things right. Instead of being concerned with getting the right answer, saying the right thing, doing it right and looking right I will be as open as possible, I will be willing to not get the right answer, to go through the process, rather than jumping ahead to the future. By remaining concerned with ‘being right’, the mind produces excess tensions in the body. When I make the choice to have an open mind, to wait and see what happens and to let whatever happens be okay, it will have a beneficial effect on my body. This week, it does not matter whether I am right or mistaken – it matters that I allow myself the opportunity to try things and relax into myself. I do not need to be on guard all the time to make sure I behave appropriately or am accepted. I can relinquish my control on getting things right, and still survive, still be accepted and still move forward in life. By removing the pressure to do it right, I am more likely to feel comfortable trying things. Once I am used to giving myself permission to be wrong and make mistakes every day, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for balancing distressing thoughts when I need to soothe distressing moods.
No. 37: Fears or facts?
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… I will practice distinguishing between thoughts, feelings and responses that are related to fears and those that are related to facts as I move through my daily life. When I notice shifts in mood, I will ask myself what is driving the reaction. It might help to take some time out to jot down what is running through my mind on a piece of paper. If I realise I am responding to something I fear could be true, I will remind myself that this is a natural thing to fear. I will remind myself, there is often a big difference between what is plausible and what is true. I will then return my thoughts to the facts of the current situation – to the observable pieces of information. This way I can practice keeping my interpretations of events in perspective. When I am used to examining the basis of my thoughts and sifting fear from fact in everyday situations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for times of distress.
I will practice distinguishing between thoughts, feelings and responses that are related to fears and those that are related to facts as I move through my daily life. When I notice shifts in mood, I will ask myself what is driving the reaction. It might help to take some time out to jot down what is running through my mind on a piece of paper. If I realise I am responding to something I fear could be true, I will remind myself that this is a natural thing to fear. I will remind myself, there is often a big difference between what is plausible and what is true. I will then return my thoughts to the facts of the current situation – to the observable pieces of information. This way I can practice keeping my interpretations of events in perspective. When I am used to examining the basis of my thoughts and sifting fear from fact in everyday situations, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for times of distress.
No. 36: Using Humour
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… I will explore humour. This week I make a commitment to comedy and humour. Every day will contain at least one item of comedy or humour – I will watch funny movies, stand-up comedy on Youtube or live comedians on stage. I will read comic strips and cartoons. I will check out some theatre sports. I will read jokes with my friends. I might even try laughter yoga. This week is about creating opportunities for positive emotion. Most importantly, I will laugh at my own falls, foibles and fears – sometimes, it is all you can do. In much the same way, spending a lot of time focused on things that make us frown and cry primes us to experience more negative emotions more readily and more often. Putting that light-hearted stuff into daily life is a crucial balancing point that we so often forget in the rush of living. Once I am familiar with connecting with comedy, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete to distract from and soothe distressing emotions.
I will explore humour. This week I make a commitment to comedy and humour. Every day will contain at least one item of comedy or humour – I will watch funny movies, stand-up comedy on Youtube or live comedians on stage. I will read comic strips and cartoons. I will check out some theatre sports. I will read jokes with my friends. I might even try laughter yoga. This week is about creating opportunities for positive emotion. Most importantly, I will laugh at my own falls, foibles and fears – sometimes, it is all you can do. In much the same way, spending a lot of time focused on things that make us frown and cry primes us to experience more negative emotions more readily and more often. Putting that light-hearted stuff into daily life is a crucial balancing point that we so often forget in the rush of living. Once I am familiar with connecting with comedy, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete to distract from and soothe distressing emotions.
No. 33: Moving Into It
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… I will practice coping with the things I don’t want to think about by scheduling short moments in each day when I will deliberately think about them for a few minutes. This week I will focus on living the lesson behind the saying “I cannot leave until I first allow myself to arrive.” Rather than avoiding or constantly moving away from certain thoughts and feelings, I will move into them, so that I can practice letting them leave. For a few minutes I will make myself aware of the different memories, thoughts and feelings I have been holding off. I will observe them pass through my mind and body as they come and go, by describing them to myself in my head. I will practice feeding myself comforting and encouraging self-statements throughout the exercise, ultimately making this an experience of self-compassion and care. I will then turn to my next task. Once I am used to deliberately observing the thoughts and memories that distress me and comforting myself, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of working through what is bothering me in moments of distress.
I will practice coping with the things I don’t want to think about by scheduling short moments in each day when I will deliberately think about them for a few minutes. This week I will focus on living the lesson behind the saying “I cannot leave until I first allow myself to arrive.” Rather than avoiding or constantly moving away from certain thoughts and feelings, I will move into them, so that I can practice letting them leave. For a few minutes I will make myself aware of the different memories, thoughts and feelings I have been holding off. I will observe them pass through my mind and body as they come and go, by describing them to myself in my head. I will practice feeding myself comforting and encouraging self-statements throughout the exercise, ultimately making this an experience of self-compassion and care. I will then turn to my next task. Once I am used to deliberately observing the thoughts and memories that distress me and comforting myself, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of working through what is bothering me in moments of distress.
No. 32: An interesting day
This week, in order to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… I will plan interesting days into my week. This week, every second day is going to be an interest day. I will make sure that I do, talk about, watch or read interesting things. I will approach each present moment with the mindful curiosity and inquisitiveness that I was born approaching the world with. I will find out things I have wondered about or connect with old hobbies. This might take some planning. It’s easy to fall out of step with what actually does interest us. My first interest day might need to involve exploring what I find interesting. I could use the internet, the Engage Online Resources Sheet or Community Resources Directory or my local library as places to find things that will absorb me. Or talk to a friend to come up with ideas. They might even want to join me. Regardless of what I do or where I find myself, I will take interest in what is around me. If I can’t do a day, I will do a moment. Once I have gotten comfortable having Interest Days I will add them to my Personal Coping Kete as an engagement strategy for times when my mood needs a lift and my thoughts need to shift.
I will plan interesting days into my week. This week, every second day is going to be an interest day. I will make sure that I do, talk about, watch or read interesting things. I will approach each present moment with the mindful curiosity and inquisitiveness that I was born approaching the world with. I will find out things I have wondered about or connect with old hobbies. This might take some planning. It’s easy to fall out of step with what actually does interest us. My first interest day might need to involve exploring what I find interesting. I could use the internet, the Engage Online Resources Sheet or Community Resources Directory or my local library as places to find things that will absorb me. Or talk to a friend to come up with ideas. They might even want to join me. Regardless of what I do or where I find myself, I will take interest in what is around me. If I can’t do a day, I will do a moment. Once I have gotten comfortable having Interest Days I will add them to my Personal Coping Kete as an engagement strategy for times when my mood needs a lift and my thoughts need to shift.
No. 29: Having a Bad Day
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my wellness… I will let it be okay to have a bad day. Bad days and negative feelings happen; but they don’t need to take over. This week, when I am having a bad day or moment, instead of withdrawing into myself, I will seek out other people. I won’t force myself to be happy or extroverted around them, I can be however I feel, but that doesn’t mean I need to experience it by myself. I don’t even need to talk about my bad day if I don’t want to. This is about connection and meaningful distraction, giving ourselves what we need, even when we don’t feel like it. Being around other people is sometimes what we need to pull ourselves out into a wider perspective. This week I will practice being around others when I notice shifts in my energy. I will observe how different kinds of contact affects me. Once I am comfortable being around other people even when I have low energy, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for mindfully distracting myself from unwanted thoughts and feelings.
I will let it be okay to have a bad day. Bad days and negative feelings happen; but they don’t need to take over. This week, when I am having a bad day or moment, instead of withdrawing into myself, I will seek out other people. I won’t force myself to be happy or extroverted around them, I can be however I feel, but that doesn’t mean I need to experience it by myself. I don’t even need to talk about my bad day if I don’t want to. This is about connection and meaningful distraction, giving ourselves what we need, even when we don’t feel like it. Being around other people is sometimes what we need to pull ourselves out into a wider perspective. This week I will practice being around others when I notice shifts in my energy. I will observe how different kinds of contact affects me. Once I am comfortable being around other people even when I have low energy, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for mindfully distracting myself from unwanted thoughts and feelings.
