This week to attain, maintain, or regain my sense of wellbeing...
...I will focus on building or strengthening my support network. It's not uncommon to become isolated during times of stress and distress. It is easy to lose touch with friends and family members. This week I will write down the name(s) of 1 - 5 people that I could connect or reconnect with. There could be a colleague at work or someone interesting at school or an aunt or cousin or sibling or old friend that I would like to be closer to.
I will then practice getting in touch with the people on my list once a week to find out how they are doing and see if I can help with anything at all. By offering support I will find it easier to ask for support later when I need it. This week is about expressing my care for others to strengthen my relationships for the times when things get tough and I need a little care and support myself.
Once I have figured out how to make this a comfortable thing for me to do, I will write it down on a piece of paper and put it in my Personal Coping Kete as a support activity.
Category Archives: Engagement
No. 91: Building Support by Offering Support
No. 86: Doing What I Can Do
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… 
… When I encounter a problem, I will turn my attention towards something I can accomplish to improve the moment. To begin with, I will make a list of all of the big and small things I have been wanting to get done around the house and/or my workplace. I will break all of the big items on my list down into smaller parts so that in the end my list is a list of easy to achieve tasks. When I find myself worrying about something I cannot change or predict, I will take out my list and begin working on one of the tasks I can do something about. As I am doing the task I will focus my awareness on what I am doing in the current moment by noticing when my mind wanders onto the distressing thoughts and observing and describing my current surroundings and actions to myself to centre myself on the task at hand. This week, I will respond to problems by doing something else that is positive for my life. Once I have gotten used to focusing on what I can do during times of low stress, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for distraction and engagement during times of distress and unwanted emotion.
… When I encounter a problem, I will turn my attention towards something I can accomplish to improve the moment. To begin with, I will make a list of all of the big and small things I have been wanting to get done around the house and/or my workplace. I will break all of the big items on my list down into smaller parts so that in the end my list is a list of easy to achieve tasks. When I find myself worrying about something I cannot change or predict, I will take out my list and begin working on one of the tasks I can do something about. As I am doing the task I will focus my awareness on what I am doing in the current moment by noticing when my mind wanders onto the distressing thoughts and observing and describing my current surroundings and actions to myself to centre myself on the task at hand. This week, I will respond to problems by doing something else that is positive for my life. Once I have gotten used to focusing on what I can do during times of low stress, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for distraction and engagement during times of distress and unwanted emotion.No. 80: Observing Myself as Part of Nature
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… …I will practice mindful distraction by going outside and observing myself as part of nature. This week, the first thing I will do once I have woken up in the morning and gotten dressed, is to take a moment to go outside where I can see at least some aspect of the natural world. For the next few minutes I will let whatever concerns I might have for the coming day fade into the distance where I can catch them up later if I still need to. I will focus my awareness on the way the clouds and air move, the way the plant-life grows, the way water flows or settles – everything falling into its shape. As I make myself aware of these elements of nature, I will notice myself standing or sitting there, as part of this environment. Here I am, connected to the world. Doing this regularly, when I am not distressed, will help me make strong associations with the strategy so it is easier to do it when I need it. It’ s also just a pretty nice way to start the day. In preparation for when I need to distract myself from unnecessary distress, once a day, I will…\r
…I will practice mindful distraction by going outside and observing myself as part of nature. This week, the first thing I will do once I have woken up in the morning and gotten dressed, is to take a moment to go outside where I can see at least some aspect of the natural world. For the next few minutes I will let whatever concerns I might have for the coming day fade into the distance where I can catch them up later if I still need to. I will focus my awareness on the way the clouds and air move, the way the plant-life grows, the way water flows or settles – everything falling into its shape. As I make myself aware of these elements of nature, I will notice myself standing or sitting there, as part of this environment. Here I am, connected to the world. Doing this regularly, when I am not distressed, will help me make strong associations with the strategy so it is easier to do it when I need it. It’ s also just a pretty nice way to start the day. In preparation for when I need to distract myself from unnecessary distress, once a day, I will…\r
“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence….You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” [From The Desiderata, Max Ehrmann, 1927]
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Once I am comfortable doing this task as part of a regular day, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for mindfully distracting myself from distressing emotions and unwanted thoughts.
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No. 79: Using the Pause to Explore
This week, to attain, maintain, or regain my sense of wellbeing...
...I will practice using the pause points from strategy No. 78 to reflect on what my automatic tendency is at the moment and brainstorm alternative responses. This week is about building and tapping into my awareness of the many response options that are really available to me from moment to moment.
When I notice shifts in my thoughts or mood, I will pause myself to breathe as I did with strategy 78 and then ask myself two questions:
What is my instinctive response in this moment? i.e. Right now I want to...(argue, scream, run away, hide, drink, hurt myself)
What are the available alternatives? i.e. Think of a kind of expression, support, distraction, engagement/problem-solving or self-soothing.
This week, I am going to become aware of the unhelpful responses I want to change and the kinds of alternatives I could possibly learn. As I do this, I will be strengthening the habit of pausing as a first response to distressing emotion as well as learning the practice of considering a wide range of strategies. Often it is the sense that we do not have many or any options available to us that causes distress. So this week, I will be practicing the art of expanding my perception of the options available to me.
It will probably help to use a notebook to record my reflections in, because after some time I will be able to look back on what my consistent instinctive responses have been, get a really good picture of what it is that I am working to change and expand my perspective of how many options are available to me in each moment.
If I am finding it difficult to think of alternative response options on my own, I will practice referring to The Coping Kete or my own Personal Coping Kete to reflect on different options.
If ever I find my self-talk becoming critical about my way of being in the world, I will be able to soothe myself by reminding myself of how I am evolving myself and feel satisfied that I am taking positive steps in my life.
Once I am used to pausing to explore my thoughts, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as something to do during moments of distress.
No. 78: The Power of a Pause
This week to attain, maintain or regain my sense of well-being… …I will practice pausing as a first response to intense emotion. While this may not seem like it will change much, it is a vital step in my journey to being able to change the way I respond to my feelings. Each time I notice a shift in my emotion, I will pause myself by using self-talk to describe to myself what I am feeling in this moment. For example, when I notice I am feeling stressed out, I will pause and say to myself “I am feeling stressed out right now. It’ s time to pause.” I will take a couple of deep breaths and then carry on as I see fit. This week I am creating moments for myself between feeling and reacting. I can react however I wish, this week the focus is on creating the pause and giving myself encouragement to keep doing so. Each time I pause myself, I will congratulate myself for being able to take the pause. Even if all I do is say ‘ pause time’ in my head. It is not easy to pause oneself in the course of such an automatic reaction as an emotional response and it is important to acknowledge the achievement each time. This way I will reinforce the practice of pausing before responding to the way I feel and turn it into a habit. Later, I will be able to follow this strategy with other techniques that allow me to change the way I am feeling after the pause. This week though, I am going to practice the pause, which is like a platform for launching other strategies from. If this is difficult to begin with, I will practice on mild emotional experiences or I will practice pausing during times when I am not particularly feeling anything at all. Taking a week or so to do this can help us build up. Once I am comfortable with pausing and describing the situation and how I feel about it to myself, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for engaging with the current moment to deal with distress.
…I will practice pausing as a first response to intense emotion. While this may not seem like it will change much, it is a vital step in my journey to being able to change the way I respond to my feelings. Each time I notice a shift in my emotion, I will pause myself by using self-talk to describe to myself what I am feeling in this moment. For example, when I notice I am feeling stressed out, I will pause and say to myself “I am feeling stressed out right now. It’ s time to pause.” I will take a couple of deep breaths and then carry on as I see fit. This week I am creating moments for myself between feeling and reacting. I can react however I wish, this week the focus is on creating the pause and giving myself encouragement to keep doing so. Each time I pause myself, I will congratulate myself for being able to take the pause. Even if all I do is say ‘ pause time’ in my head. It is not easy to pause oneself in the course of such an automatic reaction as an emotional response and it is important to acknowledge the achievement each time. This way I will reinforce the practice of pausing before responding to the way I feel and turn it into a habit. Later, I will be able to follow this strategy with other techniques that allow me to change the way I am feeling after the pause. This week though, I am going to practice the pause, which is like a platform for launching other strategies from. If this is difficult to begin with, I will practice on mild emotional experiences or I will practice pausing during times when I am not particularly feeling anything at all. Taking a week or so to do this can help us build up. Once I am comfortable with pausing and describing the situation and how I feel about it to myself, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a strategy for engaging with the current moment to deal with distress.
No. 77: Practicing Random Acts of Kindness
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… …I will focus my attention on making other people, a stranger or someone I know, smile. So often a search for better wellbeing can require us to be inwardly focused on ourselves, but this week I will live the knowledge that my wellbeing comes largely from my relationship with those I co-exist with. This week I will practice making other people smile with random acts of kindness. I will practice opening the door for my companions, giving way to fellow road-users, smiling and saying hello to the people I walk past on the street and paying compliments to the check-out operator at the supermarket. I might write a thank-you note when someone does me a favour or pick someone a bunch of flowers or offer to help someone struggling with their bags in the street or call someone’ s attention to a beautiful view. Each time I do this, I will share in a positive moment with another person. I will also be practicing the art of reaching out to others. This will be an important skill to get comfortable using, as I work to build a stronger social support network and sense of belonging. This week I will enhance my connection with those around me. For those of us who struggle with anxiety, this kind of strategy can be particularly powerful in helping us see that we can survive reaching out, but it can take some time to build up to. Start small, like the odd smile at someone on the bus, and when that is easy, move on to something a bit bigger. Once I am comfortable practicing random acts of kindness in the course of my day, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way to shift my mood when things are tough.
…I will focus my attention on making other people, a stranger or someone I know, smile. So often a search for better wellbeing can require us to be inwardly focused on ourselves, but this week I will live the knowledge that my wellbeing comes largely from my relationship with those I co-exist with. This week I will practice making other people smile with random acts of kindness. I will practice opening the door for my companions, giving way to fellow road-users, smiling and saying hello to the people I walk past on the street and paying compliments to the check-out operator at the supermarket. I might write a thank-you note when someone does me a favour or pick someone a bunch of flowers or offer to help someone struggling with their bags in the street or call someone’ s attention to a beautiful view. Each time I do this, I will share in a positive moment with another person. I will also be practicing the art of reaching out to others. This will be an important skill to get comfortable using, as I work to build a stronger social support network and sense of belonging. This week I will enhance my connection with those around me. For those of us who struggle with anxiety, this kind of strategy can be particularly powerful in helping us see that we can survive reaching out, but it can take some time to build up to. Start small, like the odd smile at someone on the bus, and when that is easy, move on to something a bit bigger. Once I am comfortable practicing random acts of kindness in the course of my day, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way to shift my mood when things are tough.
No. 69: Growth instead of Achievement
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellness… rather than placing pressure on myself to ‘ succeed’ or ‘ achieve’ , I am going to practice being aware of how I am growing. As I move through my day, I will come back to the thought that “I am a work in progress, constantly learning how to handle life.” This week I will remember that anything that goes seemingly ‘ wrong’ , will teach me how to deal with it better next time, so it actually has value for me and will make me stronger. Once I am comfortable thinking of the ways I am growing in everyday situations, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing unwanted or distressing emotions. By reminding myself of things like this in times of stress, I can work to make sure the expectations I am placing upon myself are realistic.
rather than placing pressure on myself to ‘ succeed’ or ‘ achieve’ , I am going to practice being aware of how I am growing. As I move through my day, I will come back to the thought that “I am a work in progress, constantly learning how to handle life.” This week I will remember that anything that goes seemingly ‘ wrong’ , will teach me how to deal with it better next time, so it actually has value for me and will make me stronger. Once I am comfortable thinking of the ways I am growing in everyday situations, I will add this to my Personal Coping Kete as a way of soothing unwanted or distressing emotions. By reminding myself of things like this in times of stress, I can work to make sure the expectations I am placing upon myself are realistic.
No. 64: Me Time
This week to attain, maintain, or regain my sense of wellbeing...
I will give myself two moments of 'me time' every day - once in the morning (perhaps the first 15 minutes I am awake) and once in the evening (maybe the last 15 minutes before going to bed). During these times I will find a way of taking some time to myself to do something centering or that connects me with myself. This might involve using the time to just quietly sip a cuppa and read a magazine or write in my journal or take a slow shower or go for a peaceful walk or doodle on a notepad or whatever it is that I find gives me a break from the demands of the day and allows me to simply 'be' for a moment.
As needed, I will use this as valuable time for sorting through my thoughts or goals or whatever else might be cluttering up my mind at the moment. Giving myself regular moments to myself will allow me mental space in each day to process what I need to process. I might even use this dedicated to time to try other coping strategies I have been wanting to learn. The point is that I take 15 minutes, two times a day to do whatever I want, just for me: I am worth it.
If I'm out of practice of giving myself 'me time' it can take a while to get into the habit. I'll be sure to be understanding of myself if I find it hard to put this strategy into action. It is often helpful to plan in advance what I will do each day, rather than expecting myself to spontaneously think of something when the time comes.
Modern life can become very busy, this week I will set myself up to cope with stress by giving myself these two regular breathers that are just for me. This is about practicing the art of valuing myself.
Once I've figured out the art of spending time valuing myself, I will add 'Me Time' to my Personal Coping Kete. In times of stress and distress, I will try a bit of me time to shift my mood.
No. 60: The Good Mood Diet
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…
I am going to practice The Good Mood Diet. It’ s not a food diet, though food will be part of it. The good mood diet is about creating opportunities for positive moods. This will strengthen my resilience to stress and distress, because it will become easier to counter dark thoughts when I have been experiencing some positive things.
The Good Mood Diet is about finding small activities that can be fitted into everyday life on a regular basis. It’ s not about trying to only experience good moods, but about making sure that good moods are part of my experience.
I will start by making my own Good Mood Diet plan, which involves first making a series of lists:
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- FUN: A list of things I have enjoyed doing alone or with others
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- TIME-OUT: A list of things that I have found relaxing or peaceful or freeing – we all need time to do just as we please, to chill.
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- NOURISHMENT: A list of things that I found nurturing for my body
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- ACHIEVEMENT: A list of small everyday things that have given me a sense of accomplishment or strength utilisation.
Once I have built my four lists, I will take out my diary or day-planner and I will plan in one item from each list for every day of my week. That means that every day, among my usual activities, I will do one thing I find fun, one thing that gives me time out from expectations, one thing that strengthens my body and one thing that shows me my capabilities and skills.
No matter what is happening in my life, I value myself enough to gift myself the opportunity to experience the good bits.
To help myself along I will make sure that the items on my lists are specific and small enough to be achievable. I will keep my schedule in mind and ensure that the ideas I generate will fit with that. For example, planning full-day activities when I don’ t have full-days available will set myself up to be unsuccessful. It would be more useful to find little elements of the larger activity that I could implement given my particular context and situation.
If I find it difficult to think of items to try out, I will use the comments feature below to seek help or talk to some friends about what things they might try. Sometimes bad days and distressing moments come about because we become disconnected from these activities. But when we are stressed and distressed, it is extra hard to do these things. As much as possible, I will try to practice them in advance when I am feeling okay or during higher energy times of the day.
Once I have gotten comfortable putting a good mood diet in place, I will add it to my Personal Coping Kete as something to return to in times of stress and distress.
No. 53: Regular Reflection-Points
This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing… I will spend some time reflecting on where I am and where I want to be. This week will be a period of planning what I want to work on next. As I move through my week, my distress responses and feelings of dissatisfaction will become useful indicators that give me clues on what I would like to be different in my life. I will remind myself that I am a work in progress and the messy areas are simply the bits I haven’t gotten to yet. We’ve now been posting weekly strategies for a year. Today’s post marks the beginning of the next round of strategies. This week, I will keep a notebook on me at all times. Whenever I notice something that I would like to be better at or find easier or respond differently to, I will write it down. At the end of each day I will spend a bit of time reading over my notes for that day. I will spend some time writing down what skills and strengths I will need to develop in order to transform these things for myself. At the end of the week, I will look back over my reflections and select the easiest, simplest one to work on first. In the coming weeks, I will focus on practicing techniques that will help me to develop this skill. I will add ‘A Reflect Point’ to my Personal Coping Kete and return to it from time to time to review where I am at and where I want to go.
I will spend some time reflecting on where I am and where I want to be. This week will be a period of planning what I want to work on next. As I move through my week, my distress responses and feelings of dissatisfaction will become useful indicators that give me clues on what I would like to be different in my life. I will remind myself that I am a work in progress and the messy areas are simply the bits I haven’t gotten to yet. We’ve now been posting weekly strategies for a year. Today’s post marks the beginning of the next round of strategies. This week, I will keep a notebook on me at all times. Whenever I notice something that I would like to be better at or find easier or respond differently to, I will write it down. At the end of each day I will spend a bit of time reading over my notes for that day. I will spend some time writing down what skills and strengths I will need to develop in order to transform these things for myself. At the end of the week, I will look back over my reflections and select the easiest, simplest one to work on first. In the coming weeks, I will focus on practicing techniques that will help me to develop this skill. I will add ‘A Reflect Point’ to my Personal Coping Kete and return to it from time to time to review where I am at and where I want to go.
