The Coping Kete

No. 150: Make a Memory Jar

This week, to attain, maintain or regain my sense of wellbeing…

… I will practice holding onto positive memories by making and using a Memory Jar. To make a Memory Jar, all I need to do is get a jar with a lid that I can fill with reminders of my positive memories throughout the year. Each day, I will write down at least one positive thing I want to remember later. I’ll write down the small things like amazing views or scenery I have seen or fabulous food I have eaten or moments of laughter with friends as well as the big events and achievements that happen throughout the days and weeks of the year.  Some people add objects and pictures to their memory jars too – like ticket stubs from good movies and concerts, photos of friends, shells from beach trips, dried flowers etc etc. My Memory Jar can become a real lucky dip of treasured moments that I will be able to use as fuel for feeling good in days to come.

To start with, I’ll need to get my Memory Jar ready.  Click here to see some Memory Jars made by other people. Some people decorate their memory jars – I could get really creative with this. I might find myself having pessimistic or cynical thoughts about the activity, especially if I am in a low mood when I sit down to do it. Finding it hard to remember positive things doesn’t mean that there have been no positive things. It just means I haven’t noticed any positive things. Sometimes it can help to write down something I think I would find positive on a different day if I was in a better mood. By practicing the art of writing something down every day, I will practice holding onto positive memories in the face of difficulty and hardship.

After I have made my Memory Jar, I will schedule in some time each day for the next week, to write a new memory on a slip of paper and add it to the jar.  If I have been feeling low, I will sit down with the Memory Jar during the time of the day when I usually feel the best. It is harder to notice positives when we are feeling negative, so if I find it tough to think of positive memories from the day, I won’t be hard on myself for it. I will have compassion for myself and let myself start small. I might find it easier to carry some little slips of paper with me, so I can write down positive moments as they happen. This might help me be able to notice these things so I can add them to my Memory Jar.

At the end of the week, I will look through my Memory Jar and practice remembering each of the good moments in my week. I will then plan in how to continue adding to my jar as I move through the year. At the end of each week, I’ll review a few of my good moments and again plan how to continue adding to my jar. It might help to keep it somewhere I will see it often. Reviewing my memories each week will help me to get comfortable holding my positive memories in my mind without cancelling them out with the bad stuff that has happened. This will help me to be more comfortable remembering good memories when I am feeling bad.

As I gather more and more  slips of paper with good memories on them, and get comfortable noticing and recording positive memories, I will add ‘Use My Memory Jar’ to my Personal Coping Kete for moments of stress and distress. If I am finding things hard, I will take out my Memory Jar and use the little slips of paper to shift my thoughts to good times and moments of gratitude. I might even find some ideas for positive things I can do in the present to shift my mood to a more enjoyable place. In times of stress and distress, as well as remembering good memories, I will add one new good memory to my Memory Jar. Even when everything is terrible, I will be able to find one good thing to add to my Memory Jar. Doing this during tough times might help me to balance out some of my unwanted thoughts and feelings and shift the intensity of my moods a bit. Turning my mind towards positive events when I feel distressed might help me learn to let go of unhelpful thoughts and hold onto more helpful ones. Each time I notice I am dwelling on something unhelpful, I will use my Memory Jar to help me talk myself through in a way that gives me a more balanced viewpoint that takes the good on board with the bad.

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Happy New Year from Engage Aotearoa/CMHRT and Engage Resources Ltd.

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